Thank You.. (Aaron x Reader) SLOW UPDATES!

Author's Note

I just..

Can't control my feelings. Wattpad is the only place I can scream my emotions and feelings out and be able to not break down.

One moment I'm fine.

The next I'm just a complete mess.

You know the worst part about putting a fake mask on for my family?

That I can't even..

Tell them anything that is bothering me. I feel as if I told my mom something that is troubling me, it'll only be useless.

She'll get mad..

Like when I self harmed.

And now I'm just throwing up food!

Maybe if she never found out I self harmed, my arms would be filled with cuts all over!

Maybe if I just covered it well enough she would have never found out!

Maybe did he didn't say that she will ground me if I cut, I would..

Still be doing it..

Ugh!

If I just instead been a bad daughter to my mom and a bad sister to my brother, they would never have cared for me and I could've killed myself without them caring!

If I never have befriended G..

Well

That's something I never regret but I just wish that he instead befriended someone else better than me

And he wouldn't have cared if I killed myself..

If only I could be gone and not hurt peoples' feelings, I could do it so easily!

The world is just a freaking better place without me! It wouldn't make a difference if I was gone!

Why was I born?

What difference am I making?!

I don't make a difference in this world! All I'm doing is bringing false hope!

God damnit!

I'm just a disappointment!

Why do I break down by just not throwing up?!

What is wrong with me?..

I just want it to go away!

Why can't I be happy?!

Why do I break down like an idiot without a reason or for a stupid reason?

Why?..

I wish I was never born!

I just hate myself so much!

I hate just fake smiling and having my heart ache and just.. Feel sad and upset.

I hate that!

...

I guess hugs weren't all that bad and I just really want one now..

I just want to embrace someone and cry on their shoulder or chest..

It's stupid but,

I really want G to be here and just be able to hug him without any consequences distractions. Just cry on his shoulder and be able to laugh with him..

I wish I could see on weekends and not wait on school days to see him..

Ugh!

I grew too attacked to him that it bothers me..

I rely too much on him and cling too much on him..

I feel as if sometimes I just bother him too much and let him be, then I miss him like an idiot.

And now I'm just afraid of losing him..

Isn't that pathetic?

Call me weird or stupid but,

I think I remember a dream where G died and.. It killed me.

When I woke up and saw him at school, I just wanted to cry and hug him, since I thought he was dead which is stupid I know!

But it kills me think,

What if he ends up hating me?..

What if he forgets about me?..

Just thoughts like that leave me in pain.

To not be able to see his sweet smile.

To not be able to hear his laugh and see his eyes quint.

To not be able to talk to him and hug him just..

Just makes me cry.

I treasure him so much and..

I love him so much that I'm too afraid.

And it doesn't help with the throwing up and crying..

Why does it always end up me being afraid and crying? Being irritated and upset?

I hate it.

Words can't express how I'm feeling sometimes and instead can be quite expressed into drawings, of monsters.

Because monsters can vary.

From a nice one to an evil one.

Ha..

I did it again.

I'm sorry this wasn't an update. But I guess you could say I'm feeling better? Well, not really..

But I'm really hungry and I'm choosing to ignore it. Plus, it's late so it's better not to eat anyways.

And I'm so glad G doesn't read my stories or else he would've come across this one.

Bye.