Thank You.. (Aaron x Reader) SLOW UPDATES!

Mini Story

You know, as I might as well update something here so enjoy. ^^

My lips curve into a smile and I laugh, distracting myself from all the pain that I hold inside. I make jokes about things about myself so people wouldn't notice.

That I actually mean, a lot.

He's crying through the screen. What do I do?

How do I help him?

How can I make him feel better?

I put all my effort and comfort him as best as I can through through text.

"Thank you, I'm feeling better now."

I sit in my room, alone and relieved that I could make someone else feel better.

I gave it a go since I met him and started to open up a bit. Not as much as open to people but just to my close friends.

"Guidance needs you."

She spoke my past and I almost feel ashamed of myself for crying out in front of them.

Who told them? I was doing much better. If my mom found out..-

Let's not talk about that.

I change my mind.

I'll just keep things to myself.

My heart aches and I feel suffocated, almost like I'll run out of breath any second. But instead, I just smile and listen to whatever my friend's saying.

..Because I don't feel like trusting people at the moment.

I don't feel like bothering them with whatever problems I have held under my sleeves and inside my heart, that's locked away forever now.

I tried to open up and I don't even know who spilled my secrets to an adult who could barely give a crap about me.

So,

Maybe it was better to keep it inside all along.

I see the blood crawling down my arm as I look in the mirror at myself, not knowing who I am anymore.

I wish I could go back to the time in Japan where I could play in the snow, not worrying about anything.

But here I am.

This is why I know she deserves better. No one deserves to fall in love with someone as shitty as me.

No one deserves to be friends with the likes of me.

The things I do and say to myself aren't exactly called good things.

I'm good at acting, so I rather fake a smile until you walk away.

So I can break down by myself, and not worry about you telling my secrets to someone else.

You probably wouldn't tell a soul but,

I don't feel like burdening others with my problems or dealing with people.

All I gotta do is please others and they'll be happy.

..But I couldn't even help my friend when he needed me the most.

Why didn't I see his messages sooner? Why couldn't I have been a better friend?

I see the shame running down my face and arm.

Oh what an awful person you are.

I wish you would die.

But I can't.

I'm not crying, but I feel so empty.

My heart is aching like it'll jump out of my chest.

My eyes feel like weights were put on them.

I probably deserve everything I feel.

I don't deserve anything and no one will change my mind on that.

No one can fix someone who's already unfixable and broken. Someone who's heart is locked away with chains and no key to be found. I decided to hide my heart away forever and not let anyone in anymore.

I decided,

I'll keep everything to myself from now on. I'll only talk to people about someone else's problems and post stuff online if I need help with my friends or just random stuff.

Sure, I wish I could scream out for help. I wish I could run into her arms and just cry.

But she doesn't even talk to me.

Why do I like her so much?

That just adds more weight on me.

I put it upon myself.

I wish most of the time for the good being of my friend's health and I hope that they're happy and to have their weight lifted off of them and put upon me instead.

I want everyone to be happy.

I could give zero shits about me.

What am I even worth?

I just can't deal with this anymore.

But I'll be fine, it's been me, myself and I before I decided to open up. So, I'm on my own again.

Except, why do I feel more suffocated and empty?

I can't enjoy things I love doing anymore.

But it's fine,

Just listen to music

And you'll be fine.