Thank You.. (Aaron x Reader) SLOW UPDATES!

Sorry, once again

It's not something like the usual I post, just something I'm really scared of for some weird reason.

I'm in a group chat, with my two friends. G and a girl G and I became friends with. I'm actually really happy with that. It's something I always wanted to do even if that's sounds lame lol...

It's something I always dreamed of doing. Hanging out with friends, having a group chat, going out places.

Is it stupid to be scared? Scared of losing such friends?

Thinking how they can end up hating me and thinking I'm boring? Because I always ruin everything.

My mom doesn't let me go to places without adult supervision, I can't even go to sleepovers or go out with friends without adult supervision..

And I'm just scared they'll find out how boring I am..

How I can lose them.

Is it bad that I'm crying right now because of something so stupid?

I wish I wouldn't have these bad thoughts.

I tired to push my friend away, my current friend in the group chat thing and in school, at first so she wouldn't become friends with someone like me.

But we ended up being friends. I feel guilty that I'm having fun and being happy for some reason.

I feel as if I don't deserve to have such friends.

And right now, I keep denying to go out places because I feel like I'm going to be boring and just be annoying.

And I'm crying about it like some stupid little kid for some reason.

God I feel so stupid that I'm ignoring her right now and told G to tell her I'm just busy, and pretended to be offline.

My heart keeps aching and I wanna stop crying. I hate this so much.

It's something I always wanted. Something I wanted to do for a while.

And it's finally coming true and I'm just..

Throwing it away because I'm scared. I feel like an idiot.

All I'm doing is making the two of them worried, which sucks.

I wanna disappear. I don't deserve such friends.

I hate myself!

I can't even control my crying!

I just made her think it's her fault because I'm ignoring them! Thank goodness I told her it's not her fault.

I'm only making people get hurt! All I'm doing is making people miserable around me!

I hate myself so much.

Maybe I should just make them hate me, because I deserve it. Maybe I should ignore them because I'm just a downer.

All I'm going to do is hurt them in the end. What should I do?..

I'm being such an idiot. I shouldn't even be doing this.

What do they both see this side of me?

All I'm going to do is be a burden to them. I don't want that to happen.

And all I'm doing is making everything worse.

And the worse part?

I can't even tell them anything, how awful I am. How sensitive I am. How weird I am. How much of a liar I am.. saying I'm fine and all.

Whenever I want this, I just want a hug which is weird.

But just experiencing a hug from G, makes me really happy all of a sudden, I just want a real one from him.

Not a sidewards one..

But I'm just being stupid and spoiled.

Drying my tears out and smiling in front of a mirror, making sure I don't look like I've been crying. Making sure I force a smile and look happy. While my heart aches.

I hate it..

Because that's the best thing I do.

I probably hurt both of them..

And

I don't think I'll be lasting long ^^