Thank You.. (Aaron x Reader) SLOW UPDATES!

It sucks

I was just minding my own business, listening to music and doing homework. (Yep you read that right)

Then suddenly I remember this memory which I was crying a lot and had the worst headache possible and then.. I started crying.

I hate that..

Yesterday in Orchestra I almost did the same thing except, I was crying because I thought I was horrible at playing viola for not being able to play an easy part in a music for our test. I got a good grade but I just didn't like it and I for some reason was getting teary. Lots of criticism was going through my head.

Then this girl, she's my friend and she just told me she had a crush on me which surprised me. Apparently because I cared about my friends and she wanted someone like that.

That just broke me a little since..

She doesn't know me that much.

How I'm like right now.

And for that I just told her there's nothing really special about me. You'll regret if you get to know me.

I can't believe that came out of me suddenly.

Afterwards I told her it was a joke, which she luckily believed..

Saying how she will never hate me.

Promises can be broken.

That's probably why I never really open up to people and instead pretend to be fine and strong for them when they're hurt.

I wanted to open up to my mom once to tell her everything about what I'm feeling but..

Just imagining her expression and how she will feel is scaring me.

Of course she won't believe me!

That's probably why I lied a lot when she found out I self harmed! I just didn't think she believed me.

How am I suppose to tell her I cry for no reason sometimes and other times because of memories, mistakes and thoughts?

Who will believe that crap?!

Who will want to stay beside me when I tell them everything?..

My mom has the worst reaction when I cry or when stuff happened.

My brother doesn't help either much with his reactions, except much calmer.

I'm trying self harming because I wanted to try it out of curiosity?.. Because I thought it was FUN?

Yeah right..

Who even knows me at this point?

No one!

How can someone open up to someone easily?

How could my friend opened up to me immediately after only a few days we met, about her problems?

What if I was a kind of person that told people stuff?!

How can someone trust someone so easily?

I wanna stop crying so much!

Like hell I'll open to somebody in real life about this. They'll hate me.

What's the point of feeling such things if it won't stop? If it's keep happening almost everyday?

I don't want to keep having to cry and feel upset.

I don't want to feel numb and not have nothing to cheer me up.

How can I stop crying? How can I stop being sensitive?

I just try to stop the tears from coming whenever I feel like they're there and try to think of something else.

It's not working effectively..

I can't even post new parts of this book, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that I probably wasted your time.

I'm just sorry for everything.

I'm not pretty. I don't know how people see that. Whenever I see myself in the mirror, all I find are flaws. Not.. Anything special.

I'm not anything special to begin with.

I suck so much it's true ha.

All I have are doubts and criticism inside me.

I'm sorry that I wasted your time again. ^^

And I still have a few pages of Algebra to do. This sucks.