Turn Our Guns to Fists

Stop It

Jenna and I went out a few hours later, we ate at her favorite restaurant then watched a movie. "So what's wrong with you and Josh?" Jenna asked on the ride home.

I let out a long sigh then thought about my answer. "Listen sweet, I know that we are married now and that we can't keep things from each other," I paused, "but this is something that Josh and I should take care of. Okay?"

"I need you to tell me what it is."

"Please Jen, it's nothing that you need to worry about. Nothing is wrong, it's just something that you don't need to worry your pretty head with."

"Promise?"

"Promise." I flashed her a smile and put my hand on her leg.

"Okay." She smiled back then looked out the window while we finished our drive.

"Here we are." I got out of the car, running to the other side to let her out.

"Thanks." We walked in the house and saw Josh on the couch. "Okay boys, listen up. I'm going to take a nice, long, relaxing bath. When I get out, you two better have yourselves together." She walked away as I lowered myself onto the couch.

"So..."

"Explain." Josh demanded.

"I don't really know how to explain it."

"Tyler. We are finishing an album in a couple of weeks, maybe sooner. That means we are probably going on tour soon. That means that we both have to be mentally prepared and healthy. This," he gestured towards my wrist, "clearly isn't healthy."

"You're right and I'm sorry but I-"

"No, no buts or ifs. Listen, we are done with that. It's in the past, that's where it is staying. If that means that I'm going to have to remove all knives, razors, scissors, lighters, or whatever else from the house then so be it. If it means that I'm going to have to monitor your every move for however long, then I will. But we are done with this. Got it?" I could see the tears brimming his eyes, but never did he let one of them fall. "I said, got it?"

"Y-Yeah." Josh stood up and walked out of the room. I had ever seen Josh so serious about this. I mean yeah, we've talked about this before and we've never joked about it, but he has never been so demanding I guess, but maybe that's what I need to get through this. I ran my hands through my hair and slouched into the couch.

He's right. I need to stop this now. I need to tell Jenna. This is something that I can't do alone and if it keeps getting worse I'll have to cancel tours. They will make me go to therapy again. I can't do that. I need to get through this, and I need to get through it with my wife, my best friend, and my fans. If I need to tell Jenna and Josh to get rid of all the things I can use to hurt myself, then I will. But I have to get my act together for them and for my fans, well, my friends. I don't want to call them "fans" that makes me feel above them, they are my friends, so that's what I'll call them.

After a bit more thinking about how I could get better and how I could get rid of Blurryface, I heard the bathroom door open. I got up and ran to Jenna. "Jen I need to talk to you about something."

Small mentions of blood and self harm.

"Okay." She followed me back to our room and sat on the bed. I continued to stand and started pacing back and forth. What was I going to tell her? How could I tell her? What if she gets mad like Josh did? I'm sure she'd be happier if I just told her instead of keeping it from her and her finding out later. I could just show her. Maybe that's too much at once. I can't just roll up my sleeve and rip off a bloody bandage in front of her. "Tyler?"