Turn Our Guns to Fists

I Don't Need It

MAJOR Trigger warning ED, SH, suicide

We have two days until Blurryface drops. I'm nervous, but excited, but mostly nervous. "Aren't you going to eat your food?" Jenna looked down at the plate I was staring past.

"What? Oh yeah." I picked up my fork and pushed the food around my plate, I only managed to choke down a few bites before I just started staring at the food again.

"Tyler, what's wrong?" Jenna grabbed my hand. Jenna and I had the house to ourselves today, Josh went with Jordan to get stuff for tour.

"I'm just not hungry."

"But you love eggs and bacon." She frowned. "Is there something else going on?"

"No." It was silent for awhile, "Well actually yeah, I'm just anxious about the album that's all. What if they don't like it?"

"They will love it. Stressed Out and Ride are hits babe! They are going to love the other songs."

"I guess." I shrugged.

"Now will you please eat? You have to keep up your energy, we are going to be busy with tour, photo shoots, and interviews soon." I took down a few more bites until I felt sick then disposed of the rest of the food.

"I'm going to shower, be back soon." I kissed Jenna's cheek.

"Okay." I walked down the hall to the bathroom and turned on the shower. I bent down over the toilet and made myself sick. After just a few seconds I sat down against the wall and smiled to myself in the full body mirror across from me.

"I don't need food. I don't need to eat anything if I want to be thin enough for her." I stood up with caution because I felt rather dizzy, then got in the shower.

"I'm glad you're seeing things my way now."

Well it's not worth it to fight against you anymore. I thought.

"You're right, it's not. It's really not worth it to stay here either."

"What do you mean?" I said aloud.

"I mean that, well tell me if I'm wrong, but it's not really worth it to live anymore. You aren't worth anything, so why take up space?" Blurry said in an unusually calm voice.

"Huh, I guess you're right. When would I do it though?"

"Well, tonight would be good. Josh and Jenna will go to bed, we can stay up talking then late in the night we can go."

"How?"

"The bridge."

"Okay." I said plainly then turned off the water. Tonight. My heart skipped a beat, but not like it does when I'm with Jenna, this time it was in fear.

"You're scared?"

A little. I went back to thinking inside my head.

"Why are you scared. Once it's done, it's done. There will be no more hurt, no more stress, and it only takes a second."

But what if it doesn't work?

"It will. I promise. You should write a note though. We can do that once you're ready, just say you're writing a song. Jenna leaves you alone when you write music."

Okay. Let's do it. For once Blurry seemed nice, he seemed like he wanted to help, not hurt me. I opened the bathroom door and walked back to the living room. "Sweet?"

"Yeah?" Jenna turned toward me.

"I'm going to work on a song, but I'll be back soon."

"Okay, have fun." She smiled at me then turned back to the TV. I walked down to our small room that we made a studio and shut the door behind me. I pulled out a piece of paper and a pen and started easy, I wrote a letter to Jay, Maddy, then Zack, I even wrote one for dad. Then I wrote one to the crew members then one to Mark then Sam. Lastly I wrote one to Josh then Jenna. I made sure to let them know it wasn't their fault. I made sure to let them know how much I loved them and will miss them too. I folded up the papers then put them in a drawer.