"Would you look at this! It lifts and separates!" Chortles Maddie looking at a black leather harness in the sex shop that she and Sam have come to to get birthday presents for Calum.
"Sounds like a bra advert..."
"Same principle," She says, running her fingers up a matching whip.
"Somehow I can't see Calum trussed up like a turkey," Sam comments as he browses the aisles.
"So what are we doing here?"
"He's one of my best friends! I can't let his thirtieth birthday go by without getting him something cheap and demeaning. I wonder what Michael will get him?"
"If he's lucky, a farewell fuck once and for all," Maddie shows Sam a pink dildo with feathers decorating around the base.
"Nice..." Sam doesn't mean the dildo.
"Well it is something he wants. What about this?" She asks, showing Sam a vibrator.
"I think he already has one."
"No, for Geordie and me!"
"Sorry, not my area."
"It hasn't been mine either lately..." Maddie complains, putting the vibrator down and moving on.
"Well, give it time, you know after a woman gives birth it takes several months before she feels sexual again," Sam says, engrossed in reading the back of a packet.
"God I wish you'd stop reading the Weekly."
"Uh huh, Cosmo, I like the sex tips better... did you know there's ten ways to please a man without opening your mouth?"
Maddie chuckles to herself at the way Sam's so matter of fact, but then she gets serious again, "It's not just the sex, I feel like she's shutting me out. I don't know how much longer I can take it."
"I don't want to hear this!"
"Why can't I share?!"
"Because the minute you start telling your friends your relationship problems it's the beginning of the end. Find a therapist." Sam advises her.
"I've been in therapy for six years!"
"Are you covered on your insurance?"
"Yep."
"Great, then have a breakdown, you can afford it!"
"What is with you at the moment? You're so negative!"
"From your lips to God's ears," Sam mutters, glancing involuntarily at the ceiling. "Oh, that's me!" He calls out as a phone starts ringing and half a dozen people start checking their pockets around them.
"Hello? Yes that's me. Oh. Do I need to come in? Well, thanks." Sam replaces the phone in his pocket breathing out a sigh of relief. "I'm negative," He whispers to himself. "I'm negative!" He repeats just to be sure.
"That's okay," Maddie pats him on the shoulder reassuringly, getting the wrong end of the stick. "Happy people can be really annoying."
~~~
"Okay we've got to prepare our stories for Calum, I don't trust you to think on the spot," Sam says as he and Corey walk through the park later that afternoon.
"You always assume the worst! You're so negative!" Corey complains, swinging the large bag he's carrying in front of him.
"Funny, that's what the Doctor said!" Sam says with a smirk that rapidly turns into a grin.
Corey stops still in shock, his bag swaying with the sudden halt, before he runs along trying to keep up with Sam. "You heard?! Oh Sam, that's fabulous!" He cries, giving his best friend a sideways hug as he kisses his hair. "Now I hope you've learned your lesson."
YOU ARE READING
Queer as Muke
Fanfiction"The thing you need to know is, it's all about sex. It's true. In fact they say men think about sex every twenty-eight seconds. Of course that's straight men. With gay men it's every nine." Twenty nine year old advertising executive Michael Cliffor...
