Young and Married

Chapter L

Chapter L

What I learned upon what happened these past few days is that you have to fight for what you know you deserve. If you are being compromised, you can't just let people have what they want. You have to fight for yourself and for the people you love.

Tahimik ang naging umaga namin lalo na dahil kasalo namin si Zack sa almusal. Habang kumakain ay ramdam mo na parang may iba kaming kasama sa bahay, hindi tulad noon. Ngayon ay tila ibang tao talaga ang aming kasama.

"Mom, where's the milk?" tanong ni Ex sa kalagitnaan na aming almusal.

"After breakfast, Ex. Drink water muna." malambing na sagot ni Alexa sa kanyang anak.

"Ex, it's healthier to drink water first." ani Clinton.

"Yes, Dad." prenteng sagot ng kanilang anak.

"Momma, where's Dada?" tanong ni Joseph habang nakatingin sa kay Clinton pinunasan ang labi ng anak.

Nagkatinginan kami ni Zack. Maging sina Alexa at Clinton at napatingin sa direksyon ng aking anak. Pinunasan ko din ang gilid ng labi nito habang nakangiti dito.

"Dada will come later. But your Daddy can help you. Do you need anything?" tanong ko kay Joseph.

Tumingin si Joseph kay Zack at yumuko. Pagkatapos ay umiling ito at nagpatuloy na lamang sa pagkain. Si Benjamin naman ay patuloy lamang sa pagkain ng kanyang paboritong almusal.

"What do they usually do in the morning?" tanong ni Zack, nasa aking gilid ito. His arms are crossed while watching our sons playing with Ex. Nasa sala ang mga bata, tanaw namin sila mula dito sa kusina. Abala ako sa paghuhugas ng pinggan. Ang aming mga kasambahay ay abala sa ibang gawain.

"They usually play in the garden. When it's hot, I don't allow them to play outside the house. After their morning snack, Benj usually watch the animal planet or the national geographic. Joseph reads his Abakada and scanning the books he can't read yet. They sleep after lunch. In the afternoon, Antony visits them."

Tumingin sa aking si Zack.

"Everyday?" he asked.

"He doesn't visit during Fridays because his schedule is pretty hectic. Most of the time, he spend his Sundays with us. We visit the community park nearby." I answered. Inayos ko ang lagayan ng plato at pinunasan ang basa pang mga baso. Nagpunas ako ng kamay sa isang towel ng matapos ako. Nakatingin sa akin si Zack.

"Why?" I asked, awkwardly.

"Does he sleep here?"

Kumunot ang aking noo at bahagyang nagtaka.

"Who?"

"That Antony you were talking about."

"Sometimes." I said. Umalis ako sa kusina at lumapit sa kambal upang tingnan ang kanilang mga likod. Kahit na air-conditioned ang aming sala ay nagtatakbuhan sila at masyadong malikot dahil ng bagong kalaro.

Tumabi si Zack sa akin at nakipaglaro kay Benj na abala sa kanyang laruang mga eroplano at sasakyan. Nang una ay hindi pinapansin ni Benj ang pagkuha ni Zack sa kanyang laruan at pagpapaandar nito ngunit hindi naglaon ay nakilaro na din si Benj sa ginagawa ni Zack.

I smiled while watching them play. Lumapit sina Ex at Joseph kay Benj upang makisali sa kanilang laro. Tahimik akong nanunuod sa kanila. Tuwang tuwa sila dahil sa sound effects na ginagawa ni Zack habang naglalaro. Dati pangarap ko lang makita si Zack na makipaglaro sa mga bata pero ngayon nasa harapan ko na ang isa sa mga pangarap ko.

The night came and Antony wasn't able to visit because of an emergency meeting. Tulog na ang dalawang bata at nandito ako sa balkonahe ng kwarto namin ni Zack. Nakaupo ako at pinagmamasdan ang ilaw ng bayan na nagsisilbi kong tanawin sa malamig na gabi. Sa aking gilid ay isang tasa ng tsaa na paboritong inumin tuwing gusto kong mag-isip.

"Hey." umupo si Zack sa katabing upuan. Hindi ko siya nilingon at nanatili ang tingin ko sa madaming ilaw sa aking harapan.

Tumikhim siya kung kaya nilingon ko siya. Seryoso siyang nakatingin sa akin.

"Do you need anything?" I asked.

"Magkikita kami ni Emmy bukas." anito.

Bumuntong hininga ako at muling tumingin sa tanawin sa aking harapan. Sumikip ang dibdib ko at naramdaman ko ang bikig sa aking lalamunan.

"For what?" I asked. I tried so hard to sound as okay as possible.

"It's her first check-up."

Tumango ako at pumatak ang luha sa pareho kong mata. I love Zack and hearing him say these things hurt me the most. Ang pakinggan kung paano siya magpaalam para samahan ang babaeng mahal niya sa una nitong check-up ay sobrang sakit para sa akin.

"Please, stop crying." he said like I really look miserable because I'm crying in front of him.

Lumapit siya sa akin, iniharap niya ang aking mukha sa kanya at pinunasan niya ang mga luha kong walang sawang umaagos sa aking pisngi.

"Why, Zack? Why are you doing this to me?" I asked while sobbing.

"I'm sorry." he said.

Napapikit ako sa sinabi nito at mas lalo akong naiyak dahil sa tunog ng kanyang paghingi ng patawad ay parang sinabi niya nang wala na talagang pag-asa ang aming relasyon dahil hindi niya ako magagawang mahalin.

"You used to love me. Come back to me, Zack. Please." I begged while tears continuously flow upon my cheeks.

"I really love her." he whispered.

Tumango ako dahil naiintindihan ko siya. Wala akong magagawa kung hindi ako ang mahal dahil kahit ipagpilitan ko pa ang aking sarili sa kanya ay hinding-hindi niya ako mamahalin dahil may mahal siyang iba.

"I believe in everything that you have said. I believe that I married you and I believe that you gave birth to our beautiful children. I believe everything you have said. I know Emmy. She lies when she's afraid to lose. She tends to do reckless things just to get what she wants." ngumiti sa akin si Zack. Sa kanyang mata ay kita kong inaalala niya sa kanyang isip si Emmy.

"I know that she is capable of doing bad things. I know that she's imperfect. She loves me so much and that love made her desperate. But despite that, I love her." he said sincerely.

I cried hard that night. I cried in Zack arms. I cried in the shoulder of the man I love the most. I brokd down in front of the man who have forgotten his love for me. I didn't care if I looked so desperate. I didn't care if I looked ugly while crying. I didn't care about anything else. I mourned for the love that I have lost and for the love that isn't mine anymore.

I will move on from him. I will walk away but I am not going to let him go yet. I need to heal first. I need to fix myself. When I am ready, I will let him go. But for now, I will selfishly love him. I will selfishly keep him away from the woman he loves. Until the last petal of my love for him have fallen, I will keep him by our side.

They say that love is kind. So maybe this isn't love because I'm not kind enough to let him go.