Fans or Family: Tulisa and Me

Chapter 59

Shannon's POV

I felt my mind start to work again as my eyes fluttered open. I moved slightly to see T and Vharrey still sleeping. They looked really cute like that. I looked over Vharrey and saw her arm look weird. I moved out of Tulisa's grip gently so I didn't disturb her. I moved quietly over to where Vharrey was and gently moved her arm. She had red marks all over it. It was bruised aswell. "Vharrey, u did it again!" I whispered and looked back at her arm. She had leant really hard this time. All along the marks in her skin it was dotted red. "Vharrey, u idiot, you nearly cut yourself!" I sighed and put her arm back.

I walked into the kitchen to get a Capri Sun and got a fright when T stood there with her arms crossed. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you!" She whispered and came and kissed my head. "It's ok!" I whispered as I looked at Vharrey now lying by herself on the couch. "How long was she clean for?" T asked me and I turned to face her. "What?" I asked and she sat beside me. "I heard what you said, how long was she clean?" She asked and I sighed. "Maybe a couple days? Bout 2-3 maybe!" I said and she nodded. "She must have done it when we were asleep!" She said and I nodded.

"Do you know why she does it? I said to come to me when she wanted to or needed to do that!" She whispered and I put a hand on her shoulder. "T, we can't control these things! They are an impulse almost! We feel like, if we have no scars, we are an open book saying 'Please treat me like shit' or 'Walk all over me' We.don't control them!" I paused mow as she was looking at me. "We feel surrounded, surrounded by our pain, others pain, depression, sadness, and just complete and utter ugliness!" "We can see ourselves as another species altogether, like there are humans and then us!" I stopped. I Disnt know how much more I could say or how much more she could take.

"We?" She asked and I nodded slightly. "Yes, I did do what Vharrey continues to do! I stopped though, I still do it here and there, but it's just a reflex, and it's only the one mark, not a fore arm full!" She nodded. "How did you stop?" She asked and I sighed; tears filing my eyes. "You! I stopped because of you!" I whispered and her eyes widened. "Me? But how?" She asked and I sighed. I hated to explain it. It brought back memories and nightmares but I was strong enough to fight them. "Your music T! Your music, your book, your interviews! You said you had cut once, and I automatically found relief in you! I found out more about you as I read the books and lyrics! You helped me because I knew you were there, and that you would never leave me!" I said and I wiped away the tears that fell down my cheeks. T was crying too.

Tulisa's POV

"Well I'm glad I could help!" I said and she smiled. I couldn't belive my music and everything was that strong over my fans! But, why is Vharrey still doing it? "What helps Vharrey?" I asked and she looked over to the person sleeping soundly on the couch. "Depends, her mind seems to be different to most of ours! We can fight it off if we want to! We get the help and we can get better, like my help was you!" She said looking back at me now. "Vharrey however, she wants to stop, but when someone wants to help her, it's like her brain says that the person is a threat, and turns them into a trigger! She has to be forced not to do it sometimes! When I was talking to her she was having a breakdown or something! She messaged me before doing it and I could tell she needed the relief! So I told her to do it! Do it then in that moment of relief, put everything away and start to get better!" She said and I let the tears fall. "She is strong willed though T, she just has to figure out why her mind foes this! Why it doesn't want to get better! Why suddenly, the teachers that are trying to help her become her enemies! She will figure it out soon! Even faster now she has you though!" Shannon finished and slid out the seat. "Just, try and be patient, she will feel very scared and will hide it from you when she gets up! Don't say anything just yet! Do it later, maybe round lunch, she should be ok!" Shannon said and wiped away my tears. She hugged me quickly then kissed my cheek. "It will be ok, she is as strong as you, and we have already learned that you can be very strong if you need to!" She said and sat beside Vharrey who was starting to stir.