All mine

19

We are damaged, totally damaged.

Alex POV

I wish there were some way I could get John to forgive me. I'd have to do something really flashy to get him to at least stop glaring at me. Lafayette and John conveniently walked in. "How are you wearing a long sleeve shirt!?" Laf freaked out. "It's soo hot! You're both insane!" He decided.

"We grew up down south, this doesn't bother us at all." I shrugged. "Anyway, who wants pizza? because I don't feel like cooking and according to Luna and James I'm the only one who makes the food right." Laf looked annoyed that he wasn't the favorite cook.

"I guess I do. Maybe...pepperoni?" John suggested. "I'm pretty sure Gideon, Evelyn, Amelia, and the Schuyler sisters are coming." He listed.

"Does anybody need something else?" I asked.

"My turtles are out of food!" John's hand shot up, his sweatshirt sleeve fell, exposing lines of scars.

"John...What is that?"I Asked scaredly. The lines were straight down, in rows. This was no inconvenient scratch. John looked away, embarrassed. "John! Does Gideon know?"

"Yes..." He admitted, looking away shamefully. I gasped, standing up.

"He knew?! And didn't stop you?!" I screamed.

"It's not like that!" He sighed. "He keeps telling me not to do it. He's just too scared to actually stop me," he explained pitifully. "He's a coward.

"Then why?" He looked confused. "You complain about him almost every day. Either not spending enough time with you, or not doing something you want to do."I accused.

"I...don't know. He seemed nice and I was hurt."He shrugged, embarrassed. The mention of his hurting almost made me whimper. I ran as fast as I could to stop myself from crying.

I hide in my closet and start to cry. I've screwed everything up and I don't even remember drinking. I don't even know how I got my hands on it. I'm only 19. I might've stolen it from Angelica, she's the only one old enough to drink. But that still doesn't satisfy me. Angelica is very good at hiding stuff, and I've never seen her with the same brand as those bottles. Angelica gets expensive drinks since she only really drinks during dates, so she can show off the fact she's loaded. So, where did I get it?

"Alexander?" I stayed silent as I heard him call my name from the room. "Alexander, I know you're here." He said firmly.

"Go away. "I cried, my voice cracking. "I'll just ruin everything again." I wailed. I could hear the door slam. He must've left. Finally inaudible, I let out a long wail. "I've ruined it all! How could I do this? What the fuck did I do?! Where did I get it?" My voice got quieter. "I've ruined the only person left in my life. I've lost the only person I love who's still alive." I threw my head back, hitting against the wall over and over. "I'm awful!" I screamed, so much for inaudible.

"Alexander?" The door opened above me. I scooted away slowly. "What are you saying?" I stayed silent, not wanting to explain. He couldn't have it, right?

"Just leave me alone. I'll just hurt you again. I always hurt someone." I sighed. John sat next to me.

"Alex-" I cut John off, pulling my knees closer to my chest.

"Even if I told you and you forgave me you'd only forgive me out of pity!" I snapped, interrupting him.

"Alex! Shut up." He somehow made telling me to shut up sound sweet. "I don't hate you! There was no point I really hated you. I don't even think I like Gideon that much. Don't get me wrong! He's a really great guy, it's just..." He sighed. "I'd honestly rather have you." My face brightened.

"I honestly hate Gideon but I couldn't let you do that to him!" I exclaimed.

<Time skip brought to you by fluff for once>

"I think Gideon is here!" John smiled once I finished wrapping his wrists in bandages.

"Wait a minute, John," Eliza began. "I've never met Gideon." Eliza was in D.C. the whole time Gideon and John had been together.

"Then I'll have to introduce you!" He answered simply, grabbing Eliza's arm and pulling her down the stairs. Alex followed. Eliza greeted the strangely blushing Gideon.

"Elizabeth Schuyler. It's a pleasure to meet you." She introduced.

"Gideon." He said. Why is he blushing? Why is John so happy when he clearly sees him blushing?

"Nice to meet you. Would you like anything?" Eliza catered.

"I'll be fine." Gideon dismissed.

"I'll leave you to it." John walked back up the stairs. "They're both blushing." He pointed out. "This will be easier than I thought."

I walked downstairs to see the two laughing over something. "Let's play Truth, Dare, Promise, or rap!"I screamed. The four newest members of the kazoo crew looked utterly confused. "Since there are four who have never played, who wants to explain the rules?" Angelica immediately volunteered.

"Truth means someone has to ask you a question, dare means you have to do something, but you know that. Promise means you have to make a promise to do something, or you have to freestyle anything 30 seconds long without stuttering or messing up." She explained.

To be continued...