Powerless

25. Let's Stop This Here

Focus and breathe... Just focus and... and breathe. I gripped the rock in my hand so hard my knuckles were white. I still didn't know what I was focusing on. I couldn't exactly ask for help. The only other person beside the teacher who knew was Patton. And he's out with Roman right now. I looked over at Virgil sleeping away and I frowned. 

Ever since that day with the power reader I've been feeling off. Something just didn't make sense about it. And on top of that, Roman and Virgil have been a bit... hard to handle together. I just keep seeing Roman's sad expression in my mind. I loosened my grip on the rock and sighed. I'm not getting anywhere. What was the purpose of the rock anyway? Both Roman and Mr. Felix gave me one... And Patton gave me a freaking leaf. Wait...

I opened my nightstand drawer and pulled out the rock Roman had given me. It was a different size and shape than Mr.Felix's. It was from something entirely different as well. Roman's was a piece of the boulder I destroyed while the other was just something random. I sat back down on the floor and frowned. I slowly started to take my gloves off and held each rock in one of my hands. 

Focus and breathe. I closed my eyes and tried very hard to tune everything around me out but... I don't know. I could hear this hum in the air. It had a darker tone. A darker feeling to it. It was completely different from both the rocks. It was cold and... and sad. Lonely and familiar. I heard a groan and I opened my eyes to see Virgil moving around in bed.

I shook my head and closed my eyes again. The dark sad hum was gone and replaced with this... I don't know how to explain it. Each rock had its own energy. One was strong but broken. It seemed tainted and it's energy amplified by something... no doubt me. The other was dull and earthly. It's presence damn near outshined by the other. The air around me began to buzz with this... I want to say shadow. I could feel the energy reach out for me and I frowned. It was cold. It was wanting. I couldn't understand it. Suddenly there was a knock on the door and I jumped, dropping the rocks. I rolled my eyes hearing the knocking continue and I put my gloves back on just in time for Roman to burst through.

"Get up! We're going out!" I narrowed my eyes and frowned. He reached out and I flinched causing him to stop. It wasn't his fault. The air buzzed around him with this heat that... That just burned my skin. I gingerly placed a hand to my mask as the anxiety began to build. I'm starting to use my powers... but what happens if I lose it? What happens if I hurt someone? Hurt him? Patton or Virgil even... I don't want to... Roman grabbed my hand and held it close as he started to inch me closer to the door. I looked behind me to see Virgil picking up the rocks with a confused expression and putting them back in my drawer just as the door closed behind us.

"Roman..."

"We're going out!" I sighed as he led me out of the hotel and into a car. I shot him this look and he laughed. "We're going into town. Please... trust me."

I hesitantly got in as he closed the door and made his way over to the driver side. When he started to drive off I closed my eyes in thought. What was the point of this? Where was he taking me? That heat that surrounded him seemed to envelop me and I cringed at the sting under my skin. The air was alive with his energy. Why was I feeling it so strongly now? Why was I so open to it now? I didn't change anything. Is it because I myself am trying or... Is the mask no longer able to suppress it?

The was quiet for the most part. He didn't even bother putting on that disney music track he ALWAYS has with him. Instead, we just sat there in silence until we arrived at this... restaurant? Roman literally dragged out of the car and inside. We were seated at this table for two and my anxiety pretty much hit its boiling point.

"Roman?" He shook his head and lightly tapped the candle, causing it to flicker to life with a bright golden flame.

"I know you're probably very confused." I nodded giving him this look and he laughed awkwardly. "I'm sorry." He clasped his hands and I could see them shake. "That's all I wanted to say really. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I..." I just shook my head in disbelief as he froze under my glare.

"You dragged me out here to apologize." His face fell and I looked away as this person placed some food on the table. He must have set everything up ahead of time. Quite a bit of effort for a simple apology. "What could you be so very sorry for?" 

"Everything... Caz I was hoping to be able to talk things over with you..." I scoffed and his eyes went dark. "What is wrong?"

"YOU!" He reeled back and I felt myself twitch as the humming got louder. The burning energy digging into me as if trying to latch on... afraid I'd vanish but hurting me all the same. "You made my life a literal living hell."

"I'm so..."

"You don't get to be sorry, Roman." His eyes fell as his hands began to shake more and I looked down at my plate. "Look... I won't sit here and say your company the past few weeks haven't been nice. It has. It's actually felt like I was a part of something but... "

"You are..." I glared at him and he just sat there I frozen.

"I. AM. POWERLESS!" My body began to go all numb as the burning energy latched on tighter. I know I'm lying... but I don't have a choice. If Roman ever found out... he'd hate me for sure. I can never let him know. Not after what he said last night. "I am weak. I am beneath you."

"I don't..."

"You kicked mud into my face, Roman. You shoved me into a river. You burned me countless times..." He just sat there staring with a blank but pained expression. I could see the flame on the candle at our table begin to flicker and grow. "I don't want to hear you sorry pathetic excuse for a false apology." The candles flames flared out vanishing completely and I left the table. "Good night Roman."

As long as he's close, I'll be doing nothing but hurting him. At least this way the pain he feels will end with time. I looked back to see him holding his head in his hands as the water in his glass froze over and I nearly broke. He said he was sorry but the truth was...

I'm the one who should be sorry.

Sorry for lying.

Sorry for hurting you.

Sorry for pushing you away.

And sorry for making you think you had to protect me.