Powerless

36. Liar Liar...

"Hello again, Mr. Winters." I looked up to see this familiar smile and I frowned. He was wearing his usual outfit... Kinda hard not to remember him. Especially with the way he does his job... bring everything back to a cartoon or what not. For a kid that would have been fun but... "Do you remember me?"

"Not really." I looked away hearing the word leave my mouth. What is wrong with me? Why do I keep lying? Just this morning I told the nurse I wasn't thirsty and didn't want anything... I did. I was very thirsty. I ended up just getting some water out of the bathroom sink. I looked up to see him watching me intently and I frowned. "Is there something wrong?"

"Nothing at... so far anyway. It's just..." He narrowed his eyes and smiled. "I never saw your scales before. Anyway back to business at hand." I nodded and watched as he took of this notebook. He fixed his glasses and opened it up as he slightly chewed on the back of his pen. Speaking of which... When's lunch. I haven't eaten anything. I'm kinda hungry. "Ok, so let's start at the beginning, shall we? How has everything been going?" I narrowed my eyes and he laughed. "With school and all that. I want to get a basic idea of your stress level."

"It's fine." He raised an eyebrow at me and I started to tap on the arm of the chair. I want to tell him how I was bullied. I want to say how I had to help stop Ghost... Jimmy from hurting people. I wanted to mention the feeling of fear I felt about losing control. I wanted to mention Anti... my dreams... Roman. "Everything is ok."

"Alright then." He started writing things down and I got this pit in my stomach. I started to tap more trying to get my nerves under control but it wasn't working. I noticed him look up and narrow his eyes and my hand. I mean I was tapping a lot. I could understand if it was annoying but... I wasn't going to stop. "How are you feeling right now?"

"Peachy..." I narrowed my eyes and tapped a little faster feeling the frustration build. I was anxious. I was annoyed. I was frustrated and completely lost. I was anything but peachy.

"Cassidy." I looked up at him and saw his saddened expression. He closed the notebook and placed it on the table as he clasped his hand together in his lap. "Your tapping."

"No, I'm not." I clenched my fist and slammed my hand down causing Emile to narrow his eyes in concern.

"You have to be honest with me." I glared at him as he just smiled. Don't you think that I would if I could? I don't understand why I'm not just telling you the truth. I don't... I don't know what wrong with me. "Otherwise, I can't help you."

"Help with what? Mental strain isn't something you can cure. It's an ever constant battle from the moment your diagnosed. That is what you told me, right?" His eye's narrowed and I just looked away resuming my tapping. It was the only thing I could think of doing to calm my frazzled nerves. "It doesn't matter anyway. I told you I'm fine."

"You clearly are not." I looked over at him and his eyes softened. "Cassidy your excessive tapping... your attitude, You are not fine. Your upset about something. Let me help you."

"I told you I'm fine..." The door opened and I was hit with the smell of food. My mouth instantly began to water... I was so hungry. 

"Excuse me, sorry to disturb but a Mr. Price insisted we bring him some food." THANK GOD FOR ROMAN! "We were just wondering if he was hungry." Shit... She looked over at me and my smile fell instantly. "Would you like it or..."

"I'm good." I fell back into the coach defeated. So this is just how it's going to be now... Lying about everything. "I'm not hungry."

"Oh... Ok then. I'll just take this out." I watched as she started to leave and I could hear my stomach begin to growl. I held my stomach as it began to ache in anger for me turning down a meal. I hated this so much...

"Hold on a minute." I looked up to see Emile just staring at me as the woman stopped and turned to look at us. "I think we will be taking the food. If that's alright?"

"It up to you sir. You're the doctor." She placed the food on the table and I melted into the smells that radiated off of it. I watched as she left closing the door behind her. I went to grab the food but Emile grabbed it before I could. I couldn't help but glare at him. Torture... that's what he's resorted to.

"Can I have that please?" Emile looked at the food and raised an eyes brow at me.

"I thought you weren't hungry."

"I'm not." I reached out for it and he pulled it away. "What are you doing?"

"Why are you lying?" I narrowed my eyes as I went to grab it again only to fail.

"I'm not. I'm not lying. I'm not hungry. I'm fine, just..." I sighed and fell back into the couch just done with it all. My stomach growled again and I rolled my eyes. "Are we done yet?"

"Not quite." I groaned seeing him place the food on the table and I frowned. I looked up at him and he just smiled. "Go ahead." 

"Finally!" I took the cover off of it and practically tore into the chicken. It was so good. And I Was So Hungry. Emile just sat there watching as I put my feet up on the couch and started to sit like L does on death note.

"You're lying Cassidy." I looked up from my chicken to see a sad look on his face and I frowned. "It's making me question whether anything you said today was truthful." Good... because it wasn't. None of it was at all. I can't... I don't understand it. "I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong."

"I'm fine."

"No, you aren't."

"Yes, I am."

"Cassidy..."

"I am fine. I feel fine." I jumped up off the couch as the frustration broke me. Even now. Even as I am practically begging for help. I can't tell him. "I am fine... I am honest..." Tears fell the moment I said that word. It almost felt so foreign to me. Emile's eyes went wide as I stood there crying in front of him. "I am happy... I can't..." I fell to the floor and Emile jumped up obviously concerned. "...Help." I looked up at Emile and his face fell instantly. I watched as he knelt down beside me. He took a deep breath and I watched as slowly took off this bracelet. "What are you..."

"It ok... Just... just talk to me, Cassidy." The moment the bracelet hit the ground his eyes began to glow a slightly pink and I frowned feeling his energy begin to strengthen. That was a suppressor, wasn't it? He started to smile as I looked at it in confusion. Why would he be... " How are you really?"

"I'm f..." I looked away and hugged myself. I am not fine. I'm in pain. I'm confused. I need help but can't for it. I don't know what to do? I'm scared. "I'm fine..."

"How much pain are you in?" My eyes went wide as Emile pulled his notebook out again and started to write things down. How... He looked over at me and pointed to his head. Can he read my thought's... "Caz, how much pain?"

"None.. I don't..." I winced feeling my head start to spin and I sighed. A lot... My head is spinning. My chest is tight. I'm dizzy and sore and... I feel like I'm losing my mind. 

"What?!" His eyes were wide as I just smiled. It doesn't matter in the long run. I just... I feel like I'm going crazy. I can't seem to just talk. Everything I say is a lie and I... Maybe they were right. Maybe I did snap. After all, I have been having that recurring dream all the time and It... It hurts. They all hate me. They all got hurt... o-or they're going to. I don't know what to do. I heard Emile put his notebook away again and I looked up to see him just sitting there. "Whatever is going on with you, we will figure out a way to help."

"Even if it's mental strain?" I laughed but it sounded so broken.

"Especially if it's mental strain."