Powerless

47.Never Again... (Roman)

Hours... That's how long I sat there watching him as he slept. It felt like we were back at the hospital again. I couldn't help but shudder. I didn't like it then and I didn't like it now. I asked Patton to check his temp just so I didn't touch him. If I did he would get my powers and I didn't want something like that day to ever happen again. I was scared. I was hurt. But more than anything I felt guilty.

He was suffering. I knew something was going on. I knew but... I should have stayed and listened. Whatever he said... however, he said it... I should have tried to understand. Logan, he tried to get me to stay. He tried to tell me but I just walked off. I let my best friend down... again. At least... At least this time he isn't dying. I sighed pulling his blanket up around him more before laying down beside him. I was close enough to touch him but far enough away so I wasn't. I just laid there beside him. He looked so peaceful. 

How could someone like him get hit with something like this? How could he... How could he get mental... m-mental strain?

"Roe..." My breath caught in my throat as he squirmed a bit in his sleep. His breathing went erratic as he reached outward. I frowned. "R-Roe... Don't..." I rested my head in his chest carefully making sure I was touching the blanket. He was wearing a shirt obviously but I just didn't want to risk it. Otherwise, I would've taken his hand, the one outstretched as if begging for me to hold him. "Please... don't... I'm sorry... I..."

"Shh, Caz." I whispered softly. I felt his hand hit the bed and I frowned hearing the sobs. "It's ok."

"Roman?" He choked a bit and I knew he had woken up. I didn't bother to move through. He just laid there crying. Just... Just crying. "I'm not... I..."

"I know." He tensed up as I finally pulled away from him. His eyes were red and puffy as tears streamed down them like waterfalls. "I know." He closed his eyes and sighed. It was broken and full of regrets but even still he smiled.

"I didn't try to tell you. I could get the words right but..." He started shaking again and I took his hand in mine making him look up at me. Like I expected the room burst to life with a firey energy the moment our hands touched. He was awake now. He was aware. It's fine. It's... "I hate you." I smiled a bit finally understanding what he was TRUELY saying to me and I started to cry. He, of course, freaked out thinking I misunderstood. I didn't.

"Jesus, Roman. You're a real moron." I whispered out to myself and Cassidy froze. "Making him cry like that over a lie..." His eyes went wide and I laughed. I held his hand tighter in mine and just... melted. He didn't hate me. He did care. He didn't... He wasn't... leaving me behind. "I'm sorry."

"Why?" I shook my head and he frowned. "Roman, why are you..."

"It doesn't matter why. I just am and I wanted you to know." He pushed himself up carefully leaning against the wall and frowned. "What?"

"What am I supposed to do? I... I can control what I say. I love..." He pulled his knees in resting his chin on them as he hugged them close. "I love lying to everyone." His voice went real quiet but I still heard. 

"It's going to be ok, Caz." He just shook his head as he started to get up. I grabbed his arm stopping him and he froze, not even bothering to look back at me. "Don't... Don't leave me behind... please?" He looked back with narrowed eyes as I just stared at the bed. "I can't... I don't think I could handle you pushing me out again."

"Roman, I..." He pulled his arm out of mine and narrowed his eyes in thought. He jumped up and ran from the room before I even had a chance to say anything. Just like that... Patton came in looking more than a bit confused and frowned as he looked over at me.

"Are you ok?" I shrugged and picked my knees up as he sat down next to me. "I'm sure it isn't what it seems."

"He just ran away, Patton. You saw him." I could hear him sigh as he wrapped his arm around me.

"Even still. Cassidy is a unique young man. A man who's going through a lot and can't express himself the way he wants to." I narrowed my eyes realizing what he was saying and nodded.

"I shouldn't jump to conclusions." Patton smiled and laughed a bit causing us both to nearly fall over.

"Yeppers. Otherwise, you might miss what he is trying to tell you. He doesn't like talking anymore. Try not to push him to, ok?" I looked over at him and saw his sad expression. "The few time I did... he closed off. It... It wasn't good for him."

"The last thing I want is to hurt him." He squeezed me a bit reassuringly and I smiled.

"It's the same for him. You didn't see it Roman. The way he looked when I went over there that first time. All he could think about was how he hurt you." I frowned looking out past the doorway where Cassidy ran off several minutes ago. "I don't think he would just run away. Not when he knows that will hurt."

"What do you mean?" Patton tensed up and I frowned. "Patton, what do you mean he knows..."

"I may have let... your fear... of him leaving you... slip." He was awkwardly shying away and I was wide-eyed in shock. 

"YOU DID WHAT..." We both froze as Cassidy burst back in the room holding a small box. I narrowed my eyes as he pushed it into my hands and I frowned. "What..."

"Open it. Please?" I narrowed my eyes as I slowly lifted the lid to find it full of pennies. All... All of them pressed... Tears filled my eyes as I held one up to see a tiny Tinkerbell. "Do you remember... back when I..." I held my wrist up to show him my bracelet and he froze. I guess he never noticed it before. I'm never without it. It's my token. "You... You still have it?"

"It's my token..." I was still in awe. I sifted through the box and Patton was just watching with this look of confusion. 

"Kiddo?" I started laughing before I even realized.

"How many did you get? How many times did you go there? Why get so many?" I knew he couldn't answer them but I was just so... is giddy the right word? "Cassidy..." I looked over to see him silently crying with this huge smile on his face and I froze.

"You kept it..." His voice was shaky and narrowed my eyes in confusion.

"It was a gift from my best friend. Why wouldn't I?" He laughed a bit as he wiped the tears from his eyes. 

"It's just a coin? I mean... Why?" I held the box out a bit and he rolled his eyes.

"Why'd you get so many?" He looked away and took a deep breath.

"Because... Because I wanted to make sure... I could give you the perfect one? Is that too cheesy? I don't think that was cheesy. I'm not cheesy." I practically threw the box into Patton's lap as I jumped up and slammed into Caz pulling him into a hug. He relaxed almost instantly.

"The cheesiest but do you wanna know something?" He laughed softly as he buried his head into my shoulder. "You may be cheesy but I'm sappy as fuck." He burst out laughing as I hugged him so tight we actually did fall on our asses. We both just laughed but Pat was a little concerned. He just wanted to make sure we weren't hurt. Caz just pulled away slightly with this huge ass smile.

"If you're so sappy... I guess that would mean I'm stuck with ya, huh?" My heart literally stopped as how his eyes shine with joy.

"Yep, stuck like glue."