Powerless

43. I get it... (Roman)

I am going out of my mind! It's a crappy fear but it one I have. I've been sitting on my bed struggling to calm down. I mean... This is Cassidy, we're talking about. He's not just going to shut me out. Right? Sure he's been avoiding me. And... Sure he's not telling me what going on with him. And he's been hanging out with Logan... who seems to be helping him with things that I don't understand. And I can see how Logan looks at him. Even if Cassidy isn't aware... and I JUST CAN'T!

I jumped off the bed and ran out of the room so fast I scared the shit out of Patton. I didn't know where I was going just that I had to go. Just sitting there stewing in my sadness is killing me. So I went for a walk to try an clear my thoughts. It didn't work. Can you blame me? 

He... He didn't trust me. No, wait... that isn't... He did trust me. He just didn't want to hurt me. Is that what's going on now? He doesn't want to hurt me so he pushed me away. He does that a lot. I guess we both do but... Maybe I'm just being selfish. No... I am selfish. I was selfish to push him away. I hurt him for a selfish reason. He got hurt saving me because I was selfish and gave myself up for him. Even now I holding on because I was selfish and didn't want to lose him. 

Maybe I should just... give up.

I found myself standing in front of his door and I narrowed my eyes. I wasn't paying attention. Of course, I found my way here. I could feel this buzz of energy coming through the door and I melted into it. I missed it. I missed him. I... I was knocking on the door before my mind even caught up. I should just check on him, right? I should ask him how he's doing. He hasn't spoken to me since the hospital and I am still confused about everything that was happening. After a bit, I was starting to feel anxious. What if he knows it me and won't answer?  What if he's mad that I showed up? What if he tells me to go away? I knocked again harder this time as the anxiety burned through me. Better to know than to worry over a question. Slowly the door opened to reveal a shy Cassidy and I couldn't help but smile.

"Uh... H-Hi Caz." He smiled a bit before backing up to let me in and I frowned at the awkward silence that surrounded us. " So... How is everything?" His eyes narrowed as he started to scratch his wrist and I sighed. "What's wrong?" He still didn't answer and I started to get anxious again. What is going on with him? "Cassidy..."

"D-Did you know that sitting down to focus on a spell is quite relaxing?" He pulled away from me a little more and I frowned. "D-Did you know that it can help clear your thoughts?" He smiled at the ground before fidgeting with this necklace he had around his neck. My heart just about dropped as I started to mess with my bracelet. "Have you ever thought of trying it when you get upset?"

"You're changing the subject." He frowned once again stepping further away. 

"No, I'm not." His eyes narrowed as he took a deep breath. "Roman..."

"Why won't you tell me what's wrong?" He shot me this look and I gripped my bracelet tightly as the anger started to set in. "Cassidy, I care about you." He looked away and I wanted to scream. "Just talk to me." He hugged himself and I felt my anxiety snap. "WHY WON'T YOU SAY ANYTHING?"

"I'M TERRIFIED OF BEING JUDGED, OK?" I froze the moment those words left his lips. I could see the guilt slam into him as my heart literally broke.

"Why would I ever do that?" Cassidy tensed up opening his mouth but quickly decided against it. "Cassidy... Why would you think..." Logan popped his head out the door frame and I froze. He was shirtless with a towel wrapped around him drying his hair like he just came out of the shower. D-Did he... ARE THEY... My throat started to close on me and instantly Caz started freaking out.

"Well, uh..." Logan looked over at me with this awkward smile as he let the towel drop around his neck. "Salutation, Roman."

"Roman, please. Don't jump to conclusions." Logan narrowed his eyes as Cassidy tried to reach out to me but I held my hands up in defense backing away. I told him. I TOLD HIM that I loved him. And he has another shirtless man in his home. "Roman... Calm down."

"CALM DOWN?!" My power flared out at the sudden surge of anger and my hands began to spark. Once again sparking and not catching fire. "How can you tell me to calm down? Why should I? HUH?!"

"Roman please." Cassidy tried to reach out again and I slapped his hand away. the second my hand touched his the room burst with colors of red and gold. He held his hand close to his chest and I frowned looking away. "Why did you come here?"

"I was worried. You cut me out, Cassidy. I thought we were friends at the very least. I thought we were close... Caz I love you." Logan tensed up and I frowned seeing Cassidy start to shake. "Seriously. I tell you I love you and you don't even have the decency to LOOK AT ME? Do you even Care at all?"

"Ok, I think its time we all..."

"I don't care!" Cassidy cried out instantly slamming his mouth shut as he cut Logan off. I was in shock. "I-I... I-I ha... No. I ha... god damn. Why can't I just tell you?" I narrowed my eyes as the tears started to fall from his eyes and Logan rubbed his shoulder reassuringly. "I hate you... NO!" I was numb. Cassidy threw himself into Logan sobbing as I stood there. I could tell Logan wanted to say something. I really really wasn't in the mood to hear it. 

"Roman, you don't understand." I narrowed my eyes as Logan tried to stop me from leaving but I was done. I heard enough. He hated me... I loved him and he hated me. Of course, he did... I made his life hell. 

"Goodbye Cassidy." It was all I could choke out before finally closing the door behind me, "Goodbye..."