Powerless

46. What is going on? (Roman)

 A week went by and I never left my room. Not even for class. I didn't care anymore. Not really. The man I loved told me he hated me. The same man I share homeroom with... I couldn't go back there. I couldn't risk seeing him. I didn't want to see the way he clung to Logan's side. I wanted to cry. I held my bracelet tightly in my hand as I stared blankly at the wall. Patton's been... worried. I never told him what happened. He doesn't know what Cassidy said. He just knows it has to do with him. He figured out where I went after I flinched just hearing Cassidy's name. He took off fast than a bullet. He's been in and out of the dorm since. 

Virgil's come over. He's told me how Caz is doing. It hurt but at the same time, Virgil knew I needed to know even if it hurt me to hear it. I would lose my mind worrying about Cassidy and I had enough dealing with my breakdown. 

He never went into any real detail. He would only insist I didn't understand. That's what they all say. That I just don't understand. How could I? My best friend told me he hated me. Sure I could understand why. I bullied him for god know how many years. Why would he ever forgive that? I physically hurt him. I BURNED HIS HANDS. Of course... I didn't realize I had gone that far but even still it doesn't excuse it. I hurt him. Why would I expect him to just forget that?

I couldn't help but cling to my bracelet like it was a lifeline. He gave me it. He gave me this coin back when we were the best of friends. Back... Back when he still liked me. I narrowed my eyes as that familiar buzz filled the space around me and I frowned. I'm so broken, I'm imagining his energy just so I don't feel lonely.

"Roman?" Great... and now his voice too. I threw myself back against the bed and rolled over until I was face down on the pillow. The buzzing only got stronger as I laid there. I could feel him just standing there in the doorway. I didn't want to look up. To be honest, I would have preferred to think I was crazy. "Roe?"

"Go away." I groan out as I gripped the bracelet tightly. I don't want to see the pitty he may have. He hates me. Why would he bother to come and talk if it wasn't just because I was broken. Patton probably said something to him and...

"D-Do y-you hate me now?" I pushed myself up off the bed and looked over to see him crying. Why was he crying? Why did he come here? He was the one that said hated me. WHAT IS GOING NON WITH HIM? "I'm not... I'm..." He sighed and looked away as he clenched and unclenched his fists. Something was clearly wrong. He knew I could tell right? I sat up straight and just watched. I could see the fear in him. He wanted to run. But... He wanted to stay too. "Did you there's this thing called pathological lying? The premise of it is that one can't control whether what they say is true or not. They have this urge to lie. There's no real reason behind it they just... do."

"What's the point, Caz?" He flinched a little and I frowned. I hadn't meant to sound so broken but I was. I was broken. He looked back towards the door and my heart nearly stopped. Why come at all if all you want t do is leave? But... at the same time, I don't want you to leave. I'm still being so very selfish but... I just can't lose you.

"What would you do if you were faced with a man that was a pathological liar? Would you be friends with him and understand he can't help it... or... Or would you... would you hate him because of how you feel about honesty?" He was shaking again. I couldn't understand the questions. Why did he come here if it was just going to be this? "Can you please... answer the question? I... don't need... I can't... Nevermind just... please?" He looked desperate.

"I don't know. Honesty is... well it's everything." His whole demeanor seemed to deflate and I frowned. "But I don't have the right to judge." He looked up at me in confusion and I looked away. "After all you said they wouldn't have a choice. They couldn't control it but... I lied to you and treated you so poorly for years. I HAD a choice. I still chose to hurt you."

"Roman, I..." He stopped again and I rolled my eyes.

"If you're just gonna tell me you hate me I don't want to hear it." I rolled over on the bed just to try and hide the tears that were threatening to fall.

"But... I do... I... I hate you." His voice cracked and I jumped hearing the door slam. Caz was leaning against the door palms out as his whole body shook. "J-Just once... Can't I have that? J-Just once t-to explain..." 

"Cassidy?" His whole body seemed to shut down and I jumped up to catch him before he could fall. We were both just sitting there on the ground. He was shaking so badly as he latched onto my arm. 

"Why?" His voice was hoarse and raspy. He wouldn't look up at me. He would do anything but hold me tightly. "Why can't I just tell you?" I started to freak out as I felt his energy dying out around us. What is going on with him?

"C-Cass..."

"Why can't I be honest just once with you?" My blood went cold. I looked down to see him practically laying down. His head was in my lap and his eyes were closed. His breathing became erratic as his grip began to loosen. "Why can't I just... tell you... the... truth..." His whole body went lax and I frowned. 

"Kiddo?" I heard a knock on the door behind us and I frowned as the tears began to fall again. "Is everything ok in there?"

"What did he mean by that, Patton?" There was silence for a bit before I heard him move away from the door. 

"Mean by what, kiddo?" His voice was soft. Even if he didn't hear what Caz had said, I knew he understood. He knew. He knew... and Virgil knew... and Logan too, I bet. 

"He asked why he couldn't just be honest with me. He asked about what I thought about pathological liars. He... He was talking as if he couldn't..."

"He can't." My eyes went wide as I glanced down at the man sleeping in my lap. Patton just tapped the door a bit before sighing. "Come out when you're ready. I'll explain what I know."