Everything I Never Asked For

Chapter 24

JADE'S POV

Here he is being all sentimental again. Can I not just be around him and comfort him as a friend? The heat makes our skin sticky yet we have no problem being inches away from each other. I place my hands on him, feeling his soft baking cheeks in my palms, seeing his eyes blink away the tears that I understand in an all too familiar way.

He needs me. He can't need me. I don't need him. I don't want to need him. Niall moves in closer to me and grabs my hands sending electricity through my body.

"Stop." I sigh. What a terrible person I must be to push him away at a time where he just told me something so personal. He probably talks to Kayla about all this stuff anyway, why would he need me. A part of my heart tugs at the way he catches his breathe when he finishes telling me his story and it tries to convince me that he was waiting forever to vent out.

About Alex, I'll just have to try not to poison his drink at dinner.

"Look if you think I'm here as an outlet that you can talk to, that's all fine with me. But that's all I want. I can't be more than a friend."

"Okay I'm not going to deny that I want you. But I'm not going to admit it." His lips tremble at the sides.

"Why are you so afraid. You sit here and urge me to be fearless yet you're also holding back. How am I supposed to believe everything you told me can be done if you can't do it yourself." I want to go off on him for challenging me but I'm growing sick of that game. I let out another relieving sigh but I soon see what a mistake it is when I begin to feel a knot in my throat. The knot makes me gag and regurgiate all the negativity inside of me.

"I can't." I shake my head wildly and I can't stop. "I can't let go."

"Let go of what?" His soft voice creeps into me and unlocks all of my gates. My organs melt into a helpless liquid that climbs up my throat, bangs at my eyes, and tingles my hands into numbness. Can I trust him? Should I trust him? I thought I told myself to never speak to him about my problems again.

He places his arms around my shoulders and pulls me onto him, placing his chin on my head. I stare down at the freckles on his neck and see the accumulation of hair's growing on his chest.

"You can tell me if you want, I won't force you."

"They're not gone." I can feel the vile spilling over my tongue. "Niall, they're still out there I know it, that's why I can't let go."

"Go on." He rubs my back and I realize, we can be each other's heroes.

"It was two months ago...my parents went on a camping trip." Something clasps my throat, holds my tongue, and squeezes my tears. I slam my head into Niall's chest and a river flows through my eye lids. All the fighting, my strengths, my weaknesses, desires, regrets spilling onto Niall's bare skin in a bitter pool of poison.

"I didn't say goodbye niall, i didn't even say goodbye. I thought they would come back! They went missing and no body knows what happened. I don't even know when's the last time I told them I love them. I never listened, I made their life a living hell. How could I have been so cruel?! I'm so lost niall. And so are they. They're out there. I know it. But I dont know how to find them. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. They never gave up on me. I can't just let them go. And now this pitiful guilt is eating me alive and this terrible sense of emptiness and loss haunts me every single day. I can't help but feel like it was all my fault. It was my fault they left that weekend. It was my fault they wanted to get away. I wanted them to leave me alone, but I never asked for them to leave me forever. And now everything inside me is falling to shreds and i can't stop it because I know i deserve it."