Flashcards On The Wall

Chapter 9: Party

I go to the party, dragging Lo and Tash with me. Dragging may be too strong a word. They are after all, willing participants. I feel a little bad because they're mostly here for moral support. I like Trevor, but it isn't really an environment I feel comfortable in. Trevor doesn't know that. I haven't told him and don't know if I will. So why do I go? I told myself it's what people my age do. Almost immediately after arriving, I regret it. It's loud and jam-packed. I don't like the music. Everyone is drinking (except for me it seems). It becomes too overwhelming and I go outside for some air. Leaning on the wall outside the garage and taking deep breaths, I close my eyes. I start counting out loud because it helps sometimes. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine.

"Ten."

I gasp. When I open my eyes, Gabe is staring back at me. I haven't seen him a few days.

"You scared me," I say.

"I wanted to make sure you were okay," he responds.

"I'm fine. Just not really a party person," I reply.

"And yet...you know where you are correct?"

"Yes, it's like I don't learn," I add.

"Learn what?" he asks.

"I get anxious. Most of the time being around people is hard for me," I explain.

"Then why are you here?" he asks.

"How else am I supposed to fix the problem unless I actually try?"

"I see. You know I saw you arrive and almost said hi, but it didn't look like you saw me," he says.

"I noticed. I'm just not the type to go up to people. Sometimes I wish I was," I admit.

"Same here."

I laugh and because it's out of nowhere, I immediately cover my mouth with my hand as if I've done something wrong.

"What?" he wonders.

"That's another thing I'm currently working on," I admit.

"Another?" he questions.

"I'm a work in progress."

"You make it seem like you're a mess," he observes.

"I kind of am," I agree.

"I don't see anything that needs fixing."

Was that supposed to be a compliment? Was he hitting on me? I don't know how to respond so I change the subject. I'm obviously losing it.

"That's very kind of you to say, not accurate but kind. Please, don't let me keep you from your friends, I'm okay," I insist.

"You showed up with that guy," Gabriel starts.

"Logan. Do you know him?" I ask.

"He's your friend?" Gabriel questions.

"Yes," I answer.

He doesn't respond.

"Are you okay?" I ask.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know. It just seems like..." I change my mind. I don't want to say anything. I can't put my finger on it, but he seems different.

We both look up at sound and see a car park across the street. Trevor gets out of the driver's seat and heads towards us.

"How are we doing tonight?" Trevor asks.