Flashcards On The Wall

Chapter 53: Visit Home With Preston

On Saturday there's a knock at the front door.

"Come in!" I yell.

Preston does just as I'm finishing typing a sentence.

"Hey, you're early," I say.

Preston smiles back, "I thought it couldn't hurt, considering you weren't too happy with me this week."

"It's a good start," I say.

"Is this it?" Pres points at the packed bag a few feet in front of him.

"Yes," I close my laptop as I get up from the dinner table, "Just need to get my wallet."

"What are you working on?" he asks.

"Just browsing online," I lie.

Preston nods satisfied with my answer.

The last thing I need is for Preston to say I'm wasting my time.

I'm back not a minute later, almost bumping into Preston still at the entryway.

"Ready?" I ask.

"Hi," he says smiling.

"Hi," I reply.

He kisses me and while I reciprocate, I find myself not enjoying it like I have in the past. I don't resist, but I do feel myself holding back. Kissing Preston isn't new but for everything I have boundaries. I never initiate but am usually the one that ends it.

"They're expecting us," I say and start leading the way out the front door.

"They can wait," he tells me.

"I miss them," I say, "and I hate being late."

"A few minutes won't kill anybody," he insists.

He's wrong. A few minutes can do that and more.

Pres holds my hands and walks backwards to the couch; he sits, and I follow.

"If we get cozy you won't want to go anymore," I say.

"And if we do, we might be a little happier on the way," Pres replies.

I sigh.

"What?" he asks.

"I can't do this now," I admit.

"What do you mean?" he questions.

"I mean this was a difficult week for me," I answer.

"Because of us?" he wonders.

"No, because of me," I say, "Emotionally, I'm not in a good place right now. I don't think I can engage in any kind of physical contact like that right now. A kiss is okay but more than that, no. I'm sorry. I just...I can't."

"Well hopefully this visit with your family will help ease some of that," he replies.

It might not.

In the middle of dinner, Preston decides to tell my parents about an idea he had.

"Did you tell them my proposal?" Pres asks me.

"No," I answer hoping nobody heard him, "because there was no reason to,"

"Your what?" Mom asks Preston.

"Pres asked if I wanted to live with him when Tash and I give up the apartment," I tell her.

"Why would you do that? You're moving?" Mom questions me.

"I mentioned looking into some online programs instead of relocating," I respond. "I'm not sure I want to move," I reply.

"I told Amelia she is welcome to live with me," adds Preston.

"I told you that wasn't going to happen," I remind Preston.

"You want online classes?" Mom continues.

"I'm considering it, if I decide to continue my education after graduation," I respond.

"What's to consider? You need to stay in school," she says.

"Mom-" I start.

"No," Mom starts, "I did not wait tables half my life so that you would do the same."

"I never said that's what I'm planning on doing for the rest of my life," I respond, "Even if I did, there's nothing wrong with that job and all the other ones out there. I'm simply considering taking a pause."

"You need a career Amelia," Mom tells me.

"I think your mother has a point," Preston chimes in.

"When I want you to weigh in on my future, I will let you know," I tell Preston.

"Will you talk some sense into her please," Mom turns to Connor.

"Amelia is an adult, who knows her actions have consequences. She knows whatever becomes of her future is up to her," says Connor.

"Is this about that hobby you have? You can just forget about it," Mom tells me.

"You seem to have to forgotten that you don't make decisions for me," I answer.

"Look," Mom begins, "I know you've had a rough year-"

"Rough?" I ask.

"Yes, rough," she repeats.

"Try excruciating," I correct.

"I know that but that doesn't mean you throw away all the plans you have," she says.

"How can you sit there and tell me you understand when you have no idea what it's been like?" I ask, "The only reason I stayed in school was because I knew you killed yourself all your life so that I'd have that opportunity. I will finish in a few months, make no mistake but after this what I do will be up to me."

"It's easy to get distracted, that's all this is, you've lost focus of what you want," Mom replies.

"No," I answer, "I'm getting to know who I am and what I want and if that isn't a straight path I'm okay with that. It's my life. Why not do exactly what I want?"

That night I talk with Preston.

"You knew it would start an argument," I say.

"No I didn't, but what's wrong with speaking truthfully?" Preston responds.

"I get one day to see them, and you decide to bring everything up?" I ask.

"Why not? They're your family," he tells me.

"You were trying to use them to pressure me. You thought they liked you enough and would take your side," I accuse him.

"No, I wasn't," he states, "I thought you told them. I thought you were considering it."

"I don't think we should be talking about me moving in with you," I say, "it was very kind of you to think that it might help me, but no."

"Why not?" he asks.

"The more you push, the quicker I will pull away. If you knew me at all you'd get that," I reply.

"I've known you half my life," he says like I've forgotten.

"Yeah, and for most of that time, you didn't see me," I remind him.

"Yes I did," he says.

"A year ago, you were engaged. We were planning lives with different people," I respond.

Maybe the only reason we're together is because it made us feel good to have somebody from before. Preston might be the guy that knew me the longest, but he isn't the guy that knows me the most.

"What are you saying?" he asks.

"I'm saying, what is the hurry? If this is going to work out, it will. Rushing things isn't a guarantee."

"Neither is taking things slow," he says.