Flashcards On The Wall

Chapter 27: Home

I have a key to my parents' house but don't use it. After ringing the doorbell my mom opens the door.

"Amelia?" she says.

"Hi," I respond, "Can we talk?"

"Yes, of course. Come in," she looks at Gabe, "Who is this?"

"I'm Gabriel. It's great to meet you," he extends his hand to shake hers. I see her smile and I know why. There is nothing she appreciates more than good manners.

"Gabriel. Yes, likewise. Is that your car," she looks past us?

"Yes. He drove here," I reply.

Her look directs at me, "Is something wrong with your car?"

"No, he thought I shouldn't make the long drive alone," I explain.

"Oh," she says.

"On my birthday," I add.

Mom smiles at me, "Like I would forget. Happy Birthday my girl!" she gives me a hug that reminds me how much I miss her.

It gets quiet. There's a hint of awkwardness in the air and I quickly figure out why. I don't bring guys home.

"Should we move this to the living room?" I say leading the way.

Mom and Gabe follow.

"Gabriel, are you thirsty? Can I get you anything?" Mom asks.

"Thank you, maybe in a bit," he answers.

We sit down. My mom and I on the same couch, and Gabe on another. Mom glances back and forth between the two of us. It feels weird having them both in the same room. I know Mom's just dying to ask me about Gabe, but his presence makes her feel like she has to be careful about how she does it. She shifts the attention to me.

"I haven't heard from you since your last visit," Mom says, "I've missed you."

"Me too. That's why I'm here...I was furious at you and it lasted some time. To say the truth took me by surprise is an understatement. I never imagined that you would keep such a big secret about something so important," I tell her.

Mom listens. Before I continue, I reach for her hand.

"I was wrong to judge you. The truth is I don't know why you made the choices you did, just like I can't say that I wouldn't lie to protect someone I love. I'm pretty sure that I would. You've been the only constant I've had all my life. You've always looked out for me. Since day one, it was you and me. I don't want that to change," I say.

"I don't want it too either. I'm so sorry Amelia. For so many things," she says.

"I know," I reply.

"I'm sorry I chose the wrong man and I wasn't honest with you."

Her words remind me of what I told Gabe that one day things almost went too far. Only hers are thoughts after fact while mine were of before. I think of how I consider every possible outcome before doing anything. How in choosing one guy she got a life she never really wanted and how my being born completely threw every dream she ever had out the window. I wonder if that's why I'm always so careful. It's exhausting, not ever being careless. Especially when sometimes I want to be. Like with Gabe. I'd never regret him. Maybe that sounds insane. That's the thing, I don't measure what we have in time. I measure in how I feel when we're together. In shared glances, smiles, in laughter, even in the tears shed. In what is said and what is isn't. In the comfort I don't find in anyone that I do with him. I wonder if my mom felt anything like that with my father or with Connor. If she had, she never said it.

I realize Mom is still talking.

"One thing I will never be sorry about is that I have you. Yes, things were hard, but you make everything worth it Amelia. That man that didn't want to be your father missed out on one amazing kid," she tells me.

I don't know who needs it more, but I hug her, "You were enough, Mom. You and Oliver and Connor were more than enough. You always will be."

She hugs me back and when she let starts to let go her left hand grazes my side.

"Ow," I breathe in.

I look at Gabe and know he would love to laugh.

"Ow?" Mom repeats, "What happened?"

"Maybe let's be careful of our hand placement," I say.

"Why?" she asks.

I sigh, "Okay, don't freak out."

"But?"

"I sort of...well not sort of, I did. I got a tattoo," I say.

"A tattoo?" she repeats.

"Yes," I say.

"Why?" she asks.

"I wanted one," I answer.

"Okay," her tone is serious.

"It's not like I went crazy with a huge design or quote or anything. It's discreet, nobody will see it. Well, okay, that's a lie. A few people will see it," I say.

"This was your idea?" Mom asks me.

"Yes," I reply.

It's not a lie. I had thought of it even if Gabe did help give me that final push.

"I wanted one. Why is that so hard to believe?" I ask.

"I have never heard you even contemplate the idea before," Mom reasons.

"I've been wanting to for a while. A few years for sure," I reply.

"When did this happen?" she asks.

"Earlier today," I answer.

Mom looks at Gabe, "It's not a name is it? Because I'm telling you if you got a name Amelia you are covering it up so fast. I will drive you-"

"It's not a name," I interrupt.

"Well thank God for that," she replies.

For a few seconds we all just stare at each other.

"Well this has just been a day full of surprises hasn't it?" Mom says.

"Yes, I bet," I agree with her.

I think I even surprised myself today.

"Not that I don't want to see it, you know in the future," she adds.

"I'll show you," I say.

I know she's not excited about the tattoo, but she smiles at me. I feel bad for ignoring her the last month. I know she doesn't usually understand me or what I do, but she tries, and I love her for it.