Flashcards On The Wall

Chapter 57: What If

In film weeks later, I wonder if I should approach Gabriel. Serena has been talking to me while I try to get away with hearing bits and pieces of the conversation. During the break I get the nerve to go sit next to Gabriel, his expression tells me he wasn't expecting it.

"Got a minute?" I ask, "I wanted your opinion on something."

"What is it?" he asks.

"I don't have it with me," I say, "Are you a working after this?"

"Not tonight," he answers.

"Then do you mind coming over after? I promise it won't take long," I assure him.

I watch Gabriel at my desk, staring at the screen in front of him. Fidgeting as I wait to hear what he thinks. First, I'd stood behind him rereading the words myself, which I have done countless times prior. I never talk about what I write, let alone ask anyone to read it. What I come up with is my own, not intended for anyone else's eyes. My parents and Preston thought I was crazy when I first brought up the idea. Not a wise choice they said, each in their own words. I knew that if I couldn't explain it to them, I couldn't possibly expect them to understand. Gabriel goes from one page to another. After having done that a few times, I interrupt him.

"What do you think?" I ask.

It feels like forever before he speaks. He turns the chair over to see me.

"You wrote this?" he asks.

"Yes," I answer.

"As an assignment? Are you taking creative writing now?" he questions.

"In my spare time," I respond.

"Called it," he replies.

"What?" I ask.

"Who knew you had in you?"

"Real thoughts please," I tell him.

"It makes sense. The way you used to walk around always making notes, writing on your hands. The way you see things. This. Writing. It makes sense," he explains.

"You don't think I'm crazy?" I ask.

"Who thinks you're crazy?" he wonders.

"I don't want to teach anymore, I want to write," I state.

"Oh. Well, I mean it is risky. Not exactly an easy field to get into. Or a safe career choice," he comments.

"I've heard that."

"Definitely don't quit your day job," he advices.

"I know. Wasn't planning on it," I respond.

"What's everyone else telling you? Because I know you've asked for other opinions," he tells me.

"That I should stick with what I already know, what I had planned," I answer.

"What about the boyfriend? What'd he tell you?" Gabriel asks.

"He isn't anymore but he was included on that list. Nobody thinks I can do anything out of the ordinary with my life. To be honest, most days I don't want to. But this," I point to the screen Gabriel was just reading, "It's the only time I feel at peace. It's the only thing I feel I'm meant to do. The conversations in my head. These characters. Their stories. I think they need to be heard. So I'm not being smart. I don't care. I want to find out what I can do."

"So do it. Tell them that," he says.

"It isn't what they want to hear," I reply.

"So what? Where's the girl that wouldn't stay quiet? The one that rather have an honest to God fight because that was the only way she could communicate and get everything out in the open. She was gutsy and determined," he explains.