Letting Go

Chapter 5

I woke up scared. I had a dream about me and Troy dating.. It was scary, I was afraid I would lose him. I would lose my ONLY friend. Worst.Dream.Ever.

My mom heard me crying, she walked in my room without knocking, which isn't normal. She KNOWS to knock! Ugh. I'm so agitated. My mom figured out now wasn't the time to disobey my rules. I may seem bossy, but I have rules, she knows I have BAD depression, but doesn't know I cut, she knows I'm suicidal though. It's weird. Dad woke up.

I ran into the bathroom and locked everyone out. I'm having one of those panic attacks, that scare everyone away. I'm always afraid of losing people. I just got a friend, what if I lose him. What if he leaves me. All the what ifs fall into my head, sliding against the door, losing sound, losing energy, losing my mind. I can't find any sound coming out of me anymore, my screams turned into a silent cry. Not even a cry, a sob..

~After Zoey Calmed Down~

I eat Fruit Loops after I'm ready for school. Ready for Troy. He said he liked flowers, because I'm cute like one, my blooming "smile". If only he knew it wasn't real. I dressed in my Sunflower "Girls Rule" shirt, with blue shorts, and my flower flip flops. I put my brown curly hair to the side, with a flower headband. Ready. I grab my key and walk outside, incase mom or dad isn't here when I get home from my day at school.

Troy isn't on the bus, great. Perfect. Now I will be sad for the rest of the ride. I hold in my tears. Anxiety attacks and panic attacks are very often for me. Scared of anyone that approaches me. I miss Fibi. I miss Sandy. Sandy was my old dog, she got pregnant and we gave all the babies to Danielle, my old best friend. She found out I was suicidal and left me. I want Fibi, I wish I could bring Fibi to school. But I can't. I hope Troy just was a car rider today because I really need him. I want to hang out with him and trust him, and vent. But trusting isn't easy. I don't trust easy anymore..

I hear two fimiliar voices. Lynn and Michelle. They said they were happy that I found a friend, and told me to stay strong. Old friends. Oh how do I miss the days with Lynn, Michelle, and Danielle.