Letting Go

Chapter 33

I wake up, getting dressed, looking at my cuts. I put makeup on them, to cover them up just a little, then I put a little makeup on me, to make me look better, or at least feel better. I walk out the door, saying goodbye to my mom and Belle like usual.

For the first time in a month or so, I put in my headphones once I got on the bus. I didn't notice when Troy got on the bus. When he did, he pulled out my headphones, which didn't help the fact I couldn't take my mind off my dad.

"Hey what was that for!" I scream, letting my anger take over. I snatch them back, and put them back into my ears. I listen to Habits (Stay High) For about 20 seconds and then he pulls them out again.

"Hey seriously stop Troy, I'm not in the mood for this!" I scream, once again my anger took over. I snatch them back, and watch Troy look at me in a way he never has before. He takes one headphone out.

"Whatever." He says, while putting my headphone back in. I watch him switch to the one-person seat across from me on the bus, and a tear falls down my face. Sitting alone I start to remember.

Hey look, it's the freak sitting alone once again!

Ew. It's her. Look at those new cuts.

Ew! It's alive!

Go die.

Nobody likes you.

Suicidal freak.

Emo trash.

Emo freak!

Stay away!

She's coming! Everybody watch out!!

Go kill yourself.

Unwanted freak.

You cut for attention!

A little tear, turned into a silent sob. Sitting alone in this seat brings back so many disgusting memories that nobody will understand. I remember my first suicide attempt. I hung the rope, my mom came in just in time, screaming for help. I guess she didn't know what to do. She got the rope unhooked and called an ambulance, I remember it all.

As we get off the bus, I wheel up to Troy. "Hey I'm sorry. I just was upset." I say, smiling. It's a shame it had to be fake.

"Uh. Zoey, I'm not in the mood. Cover up your scars better next time." He says, walking off with Danielle, Lynn, and Michelle. Lynn looks back, she looks worried, but looks at her friends, knowing she will get yelled at if she leaves them. She mouths the words "I'm sorry" as they walk off. I sit there in my chair, staring at where they walked away. I hear the bell ring. I can't deal with this. I wheel to the nearest bus stop, which is luckily close and one of the stops is right by the hospital my dad is in. I brought some money for lunch money today, but I guess I can use it for the bus, since I'll be skipping school. The bus driver helps me on the bus, and I sit in the very back of the bus, propping my foot up. I text my mom, so when the school calls her she won't be confused, considering she watched me walk out the door this morning for the bus stop.

Me:

Hey mom, I'm taking the bus up to dad, me and Troy got into an "argument" and I don't wanna deal with it.. Love you.

A few moments later I get a text back.

Mom:

That's okay sweetie! I love you! Stay strong and beautiful <3.

I love my mom, she does everything in her power to make me happy, sometimes.

The bus arrives at my stop 30 minutes later. I pay the guy and get off the bus. I wheel into the elevator. "Floor 6 west wing." I whisper to myself, so I don't forget. I press the button and wait. The elevator music is the most annoying music ever. It isn't soothing to me. I wait until the doors open and wheel out.

"Hi ma'am! I'm here for Thomas Matthews." I say, with a fake smile.

"Oh.. Thomas.. He isn't taking any visitors right now." The girl says.

"Oh. I'll wait." I say, wheeling over to the waiting area.

"Are you family?" She says, wondering where everyone else is if I am.

"Yeah. Daughter. Zoey Matthews." I say.

"Aha. Right this way." This is the moment of truth, the moment I get to see my father again, talk everything out with him. I get to communicate with someone I've been afraid of for a while now. I'm finally facing my rapist.

Thank you for 700 reads!