Vincent ✓

XXVI | Realizations

~A short chapter from Vincent~

Vincent Villarueva

I must admit, I reached my breaking point. I lost it last night. I lost it. I lost her.

The girl I loved. The girl who pulled me out from the misery I was in. The girl named Kristine. She's gone. Gone. As in, gone for—I don't know if it's for good or for bad. She left me for another man. Yeah it hurts. Biglaan eh. I wasn't really expecting na hahantong kami sa ganon. Na magkakaroon pala ng dulo ang samahan namin. Na ang mga pangako namin sa isa't isa ay napako niya lahat. Napako. Nagoyo. Naloko.

Masakit. Sobrang sakit. Kaya kagabi, I went all out. Bottle of drinks were scattered around the place like I'm in some beer factory. I drank and drank until my visions got blurry. Until I slurred. I was in the midst of my beer when a guy showed up. No. Scratch that. A gay showed up. Ang lalaking kinaiinisan ko. Si Ruben.

Hindi ko inaakalang nandoon pala siya. Binalak niya pa akong iuwi. Binalak niya pang tawagan ang putanginang babaeng 'yon. Kaya anong nangyari? Ayon, durog ang cellphone. It deserve it anyways. Yung cellphone na iyon ay isa sa mga saksi ng kasiyahan namin dalawa ni Kristine. All the pictures of us, all the long sweet messages I sent and I received, all of it. Kaya I felt relieved when I finally crushed that phone to pieces.

Wala siyang nagawa kaya inuwi niya ako sa kanila. That time, luckily, surprisingly, nahimasmasan ako ng konti. Nakita ko pa na pinupunasan ako ni Ruben at sinuotan ng damit. I was about to push him off and cursed him to death. But I didn't. I can't. And I don't know why—maybe because of the drinks. Maybe because I'm so weak that night.

I slept and woke up in the middle of the night. Heard Ruben, groaning and... Crying...

I don't know what has gotten to me that night but I found myself sitting beside him, on the floor, and caressing him until he calmed down and start to sleep in a quiet manner.

That morning. I got up. Surprisingly, naging ka-close ko agad ang dalawang kasamang babae ni Ruben. Sure, they're pretty. But halata ko na agad na may namamagitan sa kanilang dalawa. More than a friend, to be exact.

When Ruben got up that morning. I felt something... I don't know, weird? Nang lumabas siya sa kwarto niya. I felt him, radiating a foreign vibe. In months, or maybe years of knowing him, ngayon ko lang na-appreciate ang katangian niya. From his curly locks, chinky eyes, cute nose, and a small and thin red lips.

I felt my heart beats differently when he glares at me, just because I smirked at him. I found myself chuckling when he rolls his eyes. I found myself feeling something funny on my stomach when he gaze at me. And I found my heart skipping a beat when he smiles or laughs.

Something has awoken inside me. Natatakot ako. Natatakot ako dahil alam ko kung ano iyon at kung ano ang maaring kahahantungan ko. Ayoko na. Tama na ang sakit na ibinigay ni Kristine. Tama na.

But—fuck. I can't. This feelings for him slowly growing more and more each day has passed. I always longed for seeing him or feeling his presence around. Kaya lagi akong napunta sa kanila at idina-dahilan na pumunta ako para sa mga kasamahan niya. Even though siya naman talaga ang gusto kong makita.

I realized that. Maybe. I'm starting to like this cute boy named Ruben Diced.