SPECIAL CHAPTER!

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I wake up and see it's about noon. I just want to die today, I wanna take that raver from my draw and end my life, I don't want to live right now. Today's May 10th, the day of the crash 10 years ago. We were on our way to my grandparents for mother's day on the 12th. That's when the semi hit us... my parents died. I lay in my bed staring at the ceiling, I'm visiting their grave today. My brothers birthday was a week ago, I really hate this time of the month. I get more depressed the week before my parents death, you can kinda guess I might have been a dick to my brother sometimes this month. He knows why I start acting up like this, but I feel like a piece of shit after i was rude. My family basically knows to leave me alone during this week, or else I'm gonna flip or breakdown.

I didn't bother getting up today when I woke up. I just stayed down and I feel numb. Didn't get up to eat, change meaning I'm just in jeans, or go to the bathroom to 'freshen up for the day', I just stay in bed. Only moved to turn on my music from the radio next to me. I put Helena from My Chemical Romance on repeat and close my eyes not doing anything.

I hear the doorbell from downstairs but I don't bother getting up, I just listen to the conversation because my doors open.

"Hello Shane, What brings you here?" I hear my mom say making me sit up.

"I came to see Zane, he's not answering and I got worried. Is he home, can I talk with him?" I hear him say.

"I'm not so sure," my mom says making me get up and walk to the stairs looking at Shane. "I don't know if h-"

"It's fine." I say and go next to him. "I'm okay," I say and kiss his cheek. "You can come on up. Thank you mom, I'm doing fine." I grab Shane's hand and bring him up to my room.

"Are you really okay, you haven't been answering and I'm worried..." he asks while we are laying down.

"You don't know what today is?" I look at him and watch him shake his head. "I thought someone in my family would have told you by now..."

"What's today?"

"Today's the day of the crash 10 years ago... the day of my bio parents death..." I say not really showing emotion just staring at the ceiling.

"Oh, I'm sorry..." he says and hugs me closer than before If that's possible at this point. "I didn't know."

"I'm fine, I've managed 11 years now, it's okay. I'm going to visit their graves today, I just hope today lighten ups." I look out at the rain. "Also, how did you get here? Did you walk in the rain or what, how are you dry?"

"I drove here, but there's no need to worry, I'm a good driver and I'm always watching beside me." He kisses my jawbone because he couldn't reach my lips making me smile.

"I just want you to be careful, your just too important to me."

"I know, your important to me too, I love you just as much as I love my parents."

"I really do love you. I turned off my phone because normally I don't talk with anyone the whole week, if I do I'll either have a breakdown or I'll snap at people for no reason. I'm tired of hurting people or people babying me from when I was little so now I just deal with it on my own. I'm really sorry, It's the time when I just take time to myself and get my mind straight. Thank you for worrying and coming over, I love you." I kiss his head while he lays on my chest and I hold him.

"I would have come over anyways. Even if you did answer me I probably would have come over here. I'm over like every day anyways, I guess your family's gotten used to it. I haven't been over recently cuz of moving my stuff. "

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