The Guy Who Gave Up His Jersey (New Version)

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I had to admit to myself the demons within me were bigger than I could handle. There was too much anger and sadness taking space in my heart, eventually all I was going to be was a empty shell. I don't want to continue hurting in this way anymore. The amount of problems I am dealing within, are now pouring into my daily life, and my mom's bombshell of a secret finish destroying the little fight I had.

The days turned into weeks and I continued to not speak to my mom. She tried telling me things but I learned to block her words out. I lived my life with fake smiles and laughter, hoping maybe the presence of my friends would make me feel better. Alejandro tried his best to take me out on little dates to keep my mind busy, but the frown he carried at the end of each night, he knew his attempts were useless.

Almost three weeks had passed and finals were next week before we started our Christmas break. I used to love hearing the sound of Christmas music and seeing houses with their Christmas lights on. Although, I would find myself smiling at the view, it didn't help take away the pain inside.

Friday night rolled around, I decided to cancel my plans with Alejandro and took a drive. I needed to be alone and try to piece my problems together, hoping I would find a solution. Without much thought, I realized I was turning on Uncle Simon's dirt road to get onto his property. Aunt Cassy and him were sitting outside on their rocking chair, drinking a beer. When I got out of the car and they saw who it was and stood up.

"I was wondering when you would show up," I heard him say. I had missed a few practices and he threaten if I didn't come by January, I wasn't going to perform at the rodeo. He didn't know I was willing to risk not performing next year.

I chuckled softly, "sorry,"

He wrapped his arms around me and buried my face in his chest. "It's okay," he said.

My eyes watered, but I forced myself not to cry. "Your mom told me what happened a few weeks ago,"

"Yeah, half the city knows how I can hold a grudge," I responded. There wasn't one close friend or family member she didn't tell how I haven't spoken a word to her. She thought someone was going to convince me to speak to her, little did she know I learned from the best. I can hold grudges for years too.

"You want something to drink, sweetie?" Aunt Cassy asked.

I turned to look at her and gave her a hug. "Yes, please,"

"Sweet tea?" She winked, knowing her sweet tea was the only one I liked. I nodded.

Uncle Simon pulled the other rocking chair from the other side of the porch and brought it to where Aunt Cassy and him were sitting at. I took a seat and took in the quietness. The sound of the soft winds whistling through the trees and hitting my warm face, made me remember the holidays here. Uncle Simon and I stayed out in the porch for hours admiring the beauty of living in the country. Those were the nights my life didn't seem hectic.

Aunt Cassy brought me a cup of ice tea and a blanket before taking a seat beside me. For awhile, we stayed quiet and admired the night sky. Tonight, the stars were lighting up the dark sky, leaving me in awe.

"So, you are not okay," Uncle Simon spoke up. I didn't say anything and continue to look up at the sky. "yet, you chose not ask for help. Tell me Juliana how does that work?"

"Who do I ask for help? When my parents have lied to me and when I do ask for help they brush it off as a phase?" Uncle Simon, like everyone else, we're aware my mom wasn't in the best mental capacity to take care of me.

"We were here, we always have," Aunt Cassy responded. "You know, I came from divorce parents and my mom held a lot of anger towards my dad. She reflected her anger and insecurities on me and as much as I wanted to hate her, I couldn't. She is my mom—always will be. What your mom did was awful, she had everyone fooled. Told us your father walked out on you two and asked to never find him. If we knew that wasn't the truth, believe me, we would've told you,"

"I have never lied to you Juliana, Xavier and you are like my own kids. I'm angry at your mom too," he confessed. "However, If you keep holding onto the anger you have towards her, then how different are you from her? Look, how much bitterness she grew because of it,"

"I can't forgive her..." my voice trailed off. "She had me believing I was never going to be good enough for anyone. Some dads' don't walk out on their kids and for a long time I felt he wasn't the type to leave me. How could she have done that to me?" I asked, with tears rolling down my cheeks. "She doesn't love me, I was her pawn,"

"She has insecurities issues, Juliana. Try to understand her, your dad cheated, your dad did leave. Before the anger settled down, she beat herself up wondering what she did wrong. Why the person she loved, turned his back on her," Aunt Cassy said.

"They never loved each other..." I spat out angrily.

Uncle Simon laughed quietly, "You are wrong. Those two loved each other. They dated since they were freshman in high school through college. You know, people change and the change was took a toll on them. What your parents did to each other isn't a pain you should feel obligated to hold onto,"

"I don't remember them acting as if they loved each other," I told them. All I remember is the bad memories, the ones that have been cutting holes in me for years.

"You were born from a love two people had for each other. Time changes people and it change their love. I am sorry all you can recall is the bad times, but she doesn't resent you. Juliana, you are your mom's whole world. She was young when she became a single mother, it was hard for her,"

"It's been hard for me too," I whispered, wiping away the tears. Before tonight, I didn't know my parents were high school sweethearts, or even bothered thinking how much pain my mom was left in when she found out my dad cheated. Maybe, I have been judging her a more than I should. Although what she did to me hurts, anger made her this way. It's not all her fault.

"I am not ready to forgive her," I confessed. "I need time to heal myself before going off forgiving everyone,"

"I understand," Uncle Simon responded. "Why don't you come stay with us over the Christmas break? Maybe time apart from her will get your head and heart on the right track,"

I turned to look at them and smiled, "really?"

Aunt Cassy nodded, "our doors have always been open for you,"

As fast as my smile appeared, it went away, "my mom wouldn't let me,"

"Leave that to me," he winked. "When you are done with your last final, drive up here,"

"Okay, thank you,"

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Uncle Simon to the rescue! ❤️
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