such a softer sin | gerbert

chapter sixteen

The headlights of cars passing by him on the road blind Bert as he walks along the pavement. The cold breeze blows his long back hair, blowing leaves across the pavement. He doesn't pay much attention to the close calls of bumping into passing bystanders. Because all he can manage to think about is Gerard.

Bert's heard nothing from Gerard all weekend. Not a call, not a text, nothing.
He's given Gerard his space, but he's growing worried and quite impatient.
Bert misses him so fucking much, he can't stand knowing that Gerard's upset because of something he caused. It's eating him alive.

Bert's currently on the way to the bar. It's Monday night now, he hasn't seen or spoken to Gerard since Friday night. He's afraid that Gerard won't want anything to do with him now, that he hates him after leading him on and letting him down.

Walking into the bar, Bert's heart warms when he sees the beautiful redhead at the bar. He's missed him so so much, and it's only just been 2 days. But the guilt has been weighing on him.He's hated knowing that he upset him.

Bert walks over, in which he makes eye contact with Gerard. Gerard walks over to the side of the bar table Bert's sat at. sighing softly as he examines him.
Gerard's missed Bert so much these past few days. He's just so broken hearted.

Bert nods to the side and the two walk over to the corner for some privacy to talk. "I know you're angry with me, I can't blame you. But are you alright?"

"I'm not angry with you, not at all. But yeah, I'm fine." Gerard says sincerely.
Though dark circles under Gerard's eyes and the smell of alcohol that lingers off his clothes tells him the opposite. He's been definately been drinking. And by the looks of it, heavily drinking for the past few days.

"Gerard you've been drinking." Bert sighs. Gerard always seems to resort back to alcohol for everything. When he's stressed, upset, angry. Hell, probably even when he's happy too. It's really concerning Bert.

"Look, take your break and come to the cafè and talk with me. Please?" Bert asks. He wants to talk about this and get it sorted out. And definitely talk about the fact that Gerard's drinking again. He was doing good, he hadn't drank for a while. But that's apparently changed.

Gerard nods and tells his coworker that he's taking his break. Gerard follows Bert out of the bar and the two walk together to the cafè down the street thay they always go to. Ordering their coffee before talking a seat in the booth.

"I'm really sorry for upsetting you. I didn't mean for that to happen. I should have known better than to let that happen, to let myself do that." Bert says. Only earning a scoff in response from Gerard who shakes his head.

"Look, I don't want to talk about it. I like you, you don't want to be with me. Can we please just move passed this now?" Gerard says. Gerard's upset, but he doesn't want it to be obvious, for Bert to know. The easiest thing for him to do is just push past his broken heart.

"Gerard I want to be with you, so fucking badly. I've known I wanted to be with you since I met you. But I can't make you keep us a secret, you don't see it now but it'll make you miserable." Bert says. His heart sunken as Gerard seems to think he isn't really interested.

Gerard looks down, fiddling with his fingers. He just can't seem to wrap his head around the fact that they can't be together. He was so happy when they kissed, thinking it meant they would be together. But was told no.

Bert moves from the booth that he's sat at across from Gerard, to sitting next to him. Taking and holding his hand, his back to the opening of the seat so that no one can see them and what they're doing. Just wanting to be able to touch Gerard, to reassure him.

Gerard just squeezes Bert's hand. Unconvinced. "So what, we just go on like nothing even happened?"

"No matter what, my feelings for you aren't going to change. I'm definately not going to forget the best kiss of my life, it's just that it can't happen again. Not until I'm out and know I can make you happy." Bert says sweetly.

Gerard laughs, genuinely smiling for the first time since that night before teasing. "You're an asshole sometimes, but you're amazing. You know that?"

"I know, I'm so sorry for Friday night.
I guess I shouldn't have said it the way I did. Please tell me that you're not drinking because of me, right?" Bert asks. Upset at the fact that Gerard's been heavily drinking again.

"I've just been really stressed lately and I guess this situation didn't really help. But it's okay." Gerard says. But before Bert can reply, he's startled by a tap on his shoulder. Immediately pulling his hand from Gerard's, turning to the their waitress stood in-front of him.

The gives them their bill, wishes them a good night before walking away. Gerard finishes his coffee before standing and rubbing his eyes tiredly. "I've got to get back to work. Call me tonight?"

"Of course, but no more drinking tonight. Got it?" Bert says as he stands. He's going home to rest, he hasn't slept much in the past few nights due to the guilt of what happened with Gerard. Plus maybe this'll give Gerard some time to think and understand what he's just said tonight.

"Yes sir." Gerard teases sarcastically as they exit the warm cafè together. Earning a laugh from Bert. No matter how hurt Gerard is, he still always makes an effort to make him smile.

The two part ways, both of them feeling so much better now that they've talked about it. This doesn't change how they feel about each other, no matter what they still undoubtedly love one another. But knowing just makes it harder to keep their feelings in check.

• • •

Gerard sits in bed with a beer in his hand as he talks with Bert over the phone. Gerard's honestly just stressed, mentally and physically exhausted.
He's just gotten home off of work after a long night at the bar. "Have you heard anything else from Zach?"

"No. But I know he's angry that I didn't answer him." Bert says. Fear striking through him at hearing his name. Bert doesn't typically get scared, isn't easily intimidated. Until it comes to Zach.
That is his breaking point.

"Baby do you want to talk about it?
The things that went on in your relationship with him?" Gerard offers. Bert never really talks about what he went through in the course of his year and a half relationship with Zach.
It's pretty obvious, though Bert's never talked to Gerard in depth about it.

There's a short moment of silence before Bert answers with a shaky voice. "No. I don't like talking about it, about Zach- any of it. If you don't mind, I know you just want answers."

"Of course Bert, you don't have to tell me anything you don't want too. I just want you to know that I'm here for you, anytime you need to talk or just need a hug. Okay?" Gerard reminds him, reassuring him after a sensitive topic.

Bert can't help but to smile at Gerard's reassuring words. He doesn't deserve someone so amazing, Gerard treats him so well and they're not even dating. They've known each other for two months and he knows Bert better than Zach knows about him after 2 years.

He's patient with Bert when he gets nervous, anxious or upset. Gerard never looses his temper, has never upset him in any way. He always knows what to say to make him feel better, always knows how to make Bert smile.

[This chapter was slow and boring, but a filler until my next plans (;
Also pls tell me if I have any spelling errors, I'm half asleep rn xx]