such a softer sin | gerbert

chapter thirty

Gerard listens closely to every word that slips off his lips. Watching as he fiddles with his hands and fingers as he speaks, a habit of his that Gerard's noticed. He watches Bert's smile as he speaks about the last few songs of their album that the band's been working on. Watching how excited and happy he is by just talking about it.

Gerard couldn't be more proud of them. The crowd gets bigger and bigger after every show. He's never met someone so passionate about their music, it means the absolute world to Bert. He pours his heart and soul into it, which makes him one of the most unique artists that Gerard's heard in a long while.

"Tonight is all about you. You never talk about yourself, never about your past. You always avoid it. I want to know everything Gee." Bert says. He always avoids talking about himself, and Bert's going to change that tonight.

"Well what do you want to know? I mean there's not really much to tell." Gerard says, open to answer whatever questions he has. He doesn't like talking about himself, but knows that if they're ever together that they need to be open with one another. Meaning Gerard has to put in just as much as Bert does.

"Anything. How about what happened with your family? I know you said your mother is ill. But what about your dad? Any other relatives?" Bert questions curiously. Wanting to know anything and everything about how he got here, how he's feeling and managing.

"My dad left us when I was just a kid, I barely remember him at all. Which was good, he was a drunk who loved no one but himself. And I have other family, we're just not close." Gerard explains as he takes another bite of his delicious food. Happy to be here with him, happy to talk and enjoy a dinner with him.

"How come you aren't close? I mean you were 15 and taking care of Mikey on your own. Shouldn't they have taken you guys in? Where were they?" Bert asks, confused on why they didn't stay with his relatives after his mom left to go get treatment for her illness.

"They never really like our side of the family. They wanted nothing to do with us. I didn't want Mikey raised around hatred and negativity. So it was better raising him on my own." Gerard says.

"I can't imagine how hard that was on you. Mikey's lucky to have you. You look after Mikey, but who looks after you? I mean, with your hours, stress, and your drinking." Bert asks. It bothers him so much that Gerard's been alone and living like this for so long.

"I've never really thought much into it, I just focus on work and Mikey. I don't need looking after, I get by." Gerard shrugs lightly. Things have been tough, but he doesn't mind sacrificing for Mikey. His brother is his world.

"Well you have me now. I'm going to fix things for you. Just 'getting by' isn't happy and isn't living." Bert says.

"Sugar I'm okay. Mikey's got a roof over his head and food on the table. That's all I care about." Gerard chuckles at how determined Bert is to help them out of the position they're in. Though Gerard's really flattered that he seems to care so much. More than anyone's ever cared for him before.

"You need to care more about yourself. Keeping Mikey happy and comfortable is important but so is taking care of yourself Gee." Bert says, hating that he only cares about others but nothing of himself. He loves how caring Gerard is for others, but it isn't fair that he doesn't treat himself with the same respect.

"Why are you worrying so much?" Gerard chuckles as Bert seems to be really concerned. Why does anyone care if Gerard cares or loves himself? Why does it matter so much to him?

"Because your drinking is getting worse Gee. And I know you don't want to talk about it, but we need too." Berts says, earning a sigh in return from Gerard at the comment . Hating when anyone brings up his drinking, it being a forbidden topic of Gerard's.

"Let's talk about something else Bert, please?" Gerard asks, just wanting to enioy dinner and talking with him. Not getting angry or upset over the topic of something that weighs over Gerard.

"Of course." Bert nods, sensing how unhappy it made him. It's obvious that Gerard knows that he has a problem, knows the extent of his drinking. That's why he doesn't talk about it, especially with the ones in his life that means the most to him. His brother and Bert. Gerard never drinks around Mikey.

The two talk as they enjoy their dinner, Bert learning so much more about him. Like how he loves to sketch and paint though doesn't have the time anymore. How he played Peter Pan in grade school, was obsessed with theater.

[I'm sorry this was short and boring, but the next few will be better i promise! ♡]