such a softer sin | gerbert

chapter forty seven

Gerard drinks his shake as he watches Bert who sits across from him in their booth. Watching as he talks with a sly grin, his finger tapping the table as usual. There doesn't seem to be a waking moment that Bert's not anxious. He would blame it on nerves of being out in public together, but he's just as anxious when they're alone.

Instead of going to some fancy restaurant for a date, they decided to come to a small retro diner in town. They ordered shakes and fries as they talk. Plus this seems to make Bert feel better, not being in such a public and fancy area. Where he doesn't have to worry about people assuming they're on a date, that he's gay.

"So how have you been feeling recently? A straight answer this time would be very much appreciated." Gerard takes this opportunity to ask. Using his staw to stir his banana shake around in his glass. Watching as Bert's eyes glance up at him.

"I'm okay. I'm really sorry about being off lately, especially after seeing Zach. But don't worry about me." Bert reassures him. He's honestly isn't. Bert doesn't know how to explain or cope with what's going on. The nightmares, the flashbacks, living in constant fear. So how could he ever be able to tell Gerard? It would only stress Gerard more than he already is.

"But I am. You do know I'm here for you, right? I mean we're together Bert, isn't trust important?" Gerard says. He wants to give Bert his space, but inside it's driving him insane to see him like this. To see him hurting. Especially when he won't confide in him about it.

"I know baby, and I do trust you. But really, I'm okay." Bert hopelessly reassures his lover. Feeling bad for coming off as closed off, he's just going through a lot right now and it's really hard to talk about or even process himself.

The two talk and talk as they enjoy their shakes. Trading often to taste each others since they got different flavors. Talking about Bert's band, Mikey, the guys. Enjoying time they're getting to spend out of the apartment and the bar. They never seem to run out of things to talk about.

"Let's go on a walk. It's a really pretty out night." Bert says as he glances out the window their booth's beside. Seeing the stars that shine against the black sky. The two take their shakes to go and begin walking down the sidewalk. Wrapping their coats tightly around themselves to help with the cold temperatures.

Gerard smiles as he watches Bert who stares up at the sky while they walk. His blue eyes examining the stars that shimmer in the black sky above. Headlights of cars that pass by break over him reveal Bert's soft smile as he stares in awe of the night. "You're so fucking pretty."

Bert looks from the sky to Gerard who walks beside him. Feeling his cheeks heat up from that sweet comment. Bert can't help but to smile again. "I don't deserve you."

"It's me who doesn't deserve you." Gerard chuckles, unable to take his eyes off of him. Since walking down a dark street alone, Bert takes the opportunity to slide his hand into Gerard's. Squeezing Gerard's cold hand softly, hoping to warm it up.

Gerard rubs his thumb along Bert's hand as they walk, so happy after such an amazing night.

• • •

Gerard talks with Dan and Quinn as he works his shift at the bar. The guys all stopped by to hang out and see Bert since he's been staying with Gerard for the past few weeks. Using the excuse that it's to make him and Mikey feel better about their bad neighborhood.

Bert's across the bar talking with Jeph and a friend they brought along. "You and Bert seem like you've gotten close. I'm glad. He'd been really sad before he met you, I'm glad that you're here for him, he's an amazing man."

"Bert's my best friend. He's really been here for me these past few months, hell he's even staying at my place just to make us feel better. He deserves nothing but happiness." Gerard says. Smiling as he glances over to Bert across the room. Who laughs while talking with his friends.

Quinn leaves, leaving only him and Dan. Dan nods to the side, which he quickly follows. "You don't have to say anything, just listen. I know Bert's not straight. I know that his ex 'girlfriend' was a guy. And I know that he was being hurt. I don't know what you two are, but please don't hurt him. He can't handle anymore pain."

Gerard sighs sadly, looking over to Bert who's still talking with the others. "I can't say anything more. But I promise you I would never do anything to hurt him."

Dan smiles hearing that and nudges his arm before walking away. Gerard goes back to the bar, pouring drinks. He goes around taking tabs and giving beers to those low.

"You guys need anything?" Gerard asks walking over to Bert and the guys. Along with the one guy they brought with them. His name is something like Liam but Gerard doesn't really remember. He doesn't really care.

"Nothing but your number." The guy grins, examining Gerard's body. Which in return gets a smack to the back of the head by Quinn. Gerard can't help but to laugh, shaking his head lightly. "I'll just bring some beers."

Bert glares at the guy, crossing his arms. Not appreciating him hitting on his boyfriend. Though obviously he has no clue that they're dating. He can't blame people for hitting on him, Gerard's way out of his league. He's sexy and he uses it to his full advantage.

"What time are you getting off tonight Gee? We were all thinking about going to a party in a few, but only if you go with us." Jeph asks when Gerard walks back over with the beers. Handing them all their drinks.

"In about an hour, but Mikey's at home waiting for me. You guys should go, take Bert with you. Go enjoy yourselves, just be careful." Gerard says. Making Bert look at him in confusion that he wants him to go. "You've been stuck with me for the past few weeks, go out and enjoy some time away."

"You heard him. Come on, you're with us tonight." Quinn says excitedly, nudging Bert's arm. Bert laughs looking at Gerard, shaking his head. So grateful to have him in his life, especially as his lover.

Especially when he gives him a free pass to go get wasted.