such a softer sin | gerbert

chapter thirty five

Gerard lays in the warm embrace of Bert's arms as the rest together in bed. Trying to figure out what to tell Mikey when he gets home from school, after what happened last night. He still can't believe that he agreed to open up and let Bert help him get better. Gerard's just upset and embarrassed over the whole situation.

"I'm sorry for yelling and saying some of the things I said. I was just panicked last night and couldn't believe that you drove while drunk." Bert says softly, apologizing for his unnecessary and mean comments this morning. Even though he was angry, he didn't have the right to say the things he did. And to yell at him for something he was struggling with.

"It's okay, I can't blame you. I was stupid to have done that." Gerard says, still upset. It's just hard for him to open up, especially about something he has been struggling with for years. Gerard isn't used to being helped or watched after like this. He's so used to being on his own.

"I'm going to help you get sober. You've tried to get sober before, but you were doing it alone. This time you have me and I know you can do it." Bert says as he squeezes him closely, running his hand up and down the soft bare skin of Gerard's back. Glad that Gerard opened up to him about it.

They hear the apartment's front door open and shut. Gerard sighs and sits up. Bert places a kiss on his head. "Just tell him Gee, he needs to know what's going on. He needs to hear it."

They walk into the living room where they see a tired Mikey sets his backpack down. Exhausted after being up almost all night in panic and worried about his older brother. Glancing up and noticing them. Mikey's quick to just hug Gerard tightly, glad to see he's okay after going all night and all day worried about him.

"You-You scared the hell out of me Gee. I yo- thought you hurt- were hurt. What happened? Okay- Are you okay?" Mikey whispers as they hug, so worried about Gerard and everything that's happened.

Pulling away, Gerard tells him to sit on the couch with him. Bert grabs his coat, about to leave so he can give them time and privacy to talk everything through and spend well needed time together. "I'll give you guys privacy, I'll call you later tonight angel."

"There's some..things that I've been struggling with for a long while. In the past few years it's only gotten worse. Last night I let it get the best of me and it crossed the line. But Bert is going to help me get better, I'm going to get better for you. I promise I'll never put you through this again." Gerard says, trying to keep himself from showing Mikey how upset he is.

Mikey just hugs him again. "I know, I can see that you've been struggling with something past- these past few years. I just want- didn't want to upset you by bringing it up. It's gonna be okay Gee, you always know what to do and how to get through things."

Gerard hugs him tighter, so thankful he and Bert are so understanding about it. Thankful that they don't hate him for all of this, the pain of watching him slowly destroy himself. That no matter what they still love and support him.

They lay on the couch together, Gerard just wanting to be with him right now. "I'm so sorry for last night, I will never do that to you again baby."

"It's okay, I was just worried. I glad- I'm just glad that okay- you're okay and that Bert's going to help you." Mikey says as he lays with him as Gerard covers the two of them up with the couch blanket. Just happy that his brother is going to allow Bert to help him. Knowing that his drinking will only get worse and worse as time passed on if it isn't stopped now.

Gerard smiles softly as he kisses Mikey's head before reaching over to the coffee table and grabbing the book. Picking up where they left off and begin reading out loud to his baby brother.

• • •

Gerard watches as Bert takes all of his hidden alcohol he has hidden under his bed and throw it away in a trash bag. His heart acheing as he watches it all being thrown away, that this is actually happening. They're actually making this change.

"Anymore hidden around here?" Bert asks as he finishes throwing away the booze that was stashed under his bed. Wanting to make sure that there's no more around here, the first step to helping Gerard get and stay sober.

"No, that's all." Gerard says rubbing his arm. Bert sighs and walks over, hugging him. He can't imagine how hard this is for him to do. Bert's never seen Gerard like this before, be so upset and rather vulnerable this past day and a half. He knows Gerard hides behind his sarcasm, independence and charm to protect himself and hide his personal struggles. But to see Gerard this hurt absolutely breaks Bert's heart.

"Hey, talk to me. You're obviously hurting baby, I'm not your brother or a coworker. You know I'm here for you." Bert says rubbing Gerard's back while they hug, wanting to make him feel better after a tough past two days.

"I don't want to talk about it anymore tonight. I just want to get my mind off it and relax with you." Gerard says as lifts his head from his shoulder. Wanting to forget about it for the rest of the night at least, stressed and upset. Honestly just wanting to enjoy the night that he has alone with Bert since Mikey's gone at his friend's house.

"Of course Gee, only for tonight though. What can I do to get your mind off of everything? What can I do to make you feel better?" Bert asks as he rubs along Gerard's arm. Wanting to cheer him up, see that beautiful smile of his that always makes Bert's day.

Gerard just softly kisses his lips, this being what can cheer him up right now. Never being able to kiss since they're technically not together, unfortunately. "This is all I need right now, please?"

"Hmm, well I think I can do that. Only until you cheer up, ya'know." Bert grins teasing him and softly kisses the red head again. Using this as an excuse to kiss without it meaning that they're together.