such a softer sin | gerbert

chapter thirty four

Gerard walks alone down the dark and cold street, stumbling slightly before making it to his car. Tiredly buckling his seat belt and pulling out of the lot and onto the road. The oncoming lights of other cars blind him slightly.

He feels his eyelids grow heavier, his head becoming lighter and he feels the drinks setting in. Beginning to drift into the other lane as his eyes begin closing, but startled awake by the honking of the other cars.

Gerard quickly swirvs back into his lane before pulling over on the side of the road as he feels his head spin, bus heart now racing. He lays his head back before his eyelids give out and quickly passes out at 2 am on the side of the road. Mikey waiting for him at home.

Bert chuckles as he walks outside of the car their show was helf at and towards his car as he talks with an old friend. "Right, see you later man!"

Getting into his car, he tries calling Gerard to check on him. Though he gets no answer both attempts. Bert gives up, thinking he must be home and asleep already. He sounded really exhausted over the phone and has been working double shifts and overtime for the past two weeks.

Bert softly sings along to Changes by David Bowie as he drives towards the apartment he shares with the guys. When his phone begins ringing with an incoming call from Mikey? "Hey Mikes, shouldn't you be asleep right now? You've got school in the morning."

"Bert I'm worried. Gerard should have b-been home by now. He called me an hour ago and said he's close- closing, he still here- isn't here. Are you with him? Is he okay?" Mikey's panicked voice asks over the phone as he paces back and fourth in the empty apartment.

Bert's heart nearly stops and steps on the gas. "No. It'll be okay, I'll find him."

Bert drives to the bar, where he sees it's closed and Gerard's car isn't here. He remembers how out of it he sounded on the phone earlier- he was drunk. But Bert was so busy he didn't even think about or realise it when they talked.

Bert begins driving the route that he knows Gerard usually takes, in fear of seeing an accident that Gerard may have been apart of. Considering he got behind the wheel while wasted. Too worried to think about anything else, like the fact he did this in the first place.

As he drives the route, he notices a rather familiar car on the side of the road. Recognizing the band bumper sticker on the back Bert quickly turns back around and pulls over behind it. Hurrying out of the car and up to Gerard's in fear.

Opening the door, he's relived to see him passed out. But okay. Bert sighs and unbuckles his seat belt, taking his keys out of the ignition for him. Bert helps him out where Gerard wakes up partly, enough to somewhat help Bert get him to the car.

But quickly passes out again the second he's in Bert's warm vehicle. He sighs and takes off his coat, laying it over Gerard before driving towards the apartment that he knows Mikey's awake and panicking at.

Arriving, Bert opens the passenger side door and picks the red head up bridal style. Carrying him up the stairs and passed a few guys who stare with a. grin. Kicking the door lightly before Mikey opens it, gasping in fear when he sees Gerard passed out in his arms.

"He's okay Mikes, just drunk. Go to bed, okay? I'll talk to you in the morning." Bert says as he carries Gerard to his room down the hall and laying him in bed, Mikey following shortly behind on worry of his brother.

Mikey leaves and Bert sighs, taking off Gerard's shoes for him. Undoing his belt and getting the unconscious red head out of his skinny jeans. Angry with him that he would do this.

• • •

Gerard wakes to hearing a door close rather hardly. Tiredly, he sits up only to feel his pounding headache grow worse as the bedroom light is flipped on. By Bert who walks in, looking extremely unhappy with him.

"Are you fucking stupid Gerard? What the hell were you thinking!? You know better then driving while wasted!" Bert raises his voice hand in the air as he angrily explains his stupidity. So angry and hurt at the fact that he would do something like this.

"Bert-" Gerard begins to try and explain himself. Though Bert doesn't give him the chance before cutting him off and continuing on his tangent. Which Gerard stays quiet and takes, knowing he deserves this.

"No. You have a brother to take care of, who was waiting up all night for you to come home! He was worried sick! You could have killed yourself or someone else. How stupid can you be!?-" Bert yells, getting out his frustration.

Though cuts himself off when he sees Gerard look down to his lap to hide his tear glossy eyes. Bert sighs, calming down before sitting on the bed beside Gerard. "Gerard.."

"I know, you're right." Gerard tries to speak through holding back the tears brimming his eyes. Knowing what he did was stupid and irresponsible. Ashamed that he let his drinking get this bad.

"Gerard I've given you your space about the drinking, destroying yourself. But this is too far, no more space, no more changes. You need to talk to me, admit you have a problem." Bert says softly, sliding one of his hands into Gerard's. Sad to see him so destroyed.

Gerard just keeps looking away, raising his other hand to his eye and wiping a tear that slipped. Not wanting him to see him cry, especially over his own issue. Knowing Bert's right.

"Gerard look at me. It's okay to admit you need help, that you have a problem. I can help you." Bert says his heart breaking at the sight of Gerard upset. He's never seen Gerard unhappy or upset before, especially not like this. It's obvious he's aware of his own issue.

"I-It's not that easy Bert, it isn't some switch I can just flip. Don't you think I've tried? I've tried so hard to stay sober for more than a day but I can't." Gerard weeps. Bert wraps his arm around the red head, feeling his heart ache as he hears the one who means most to him admit these struggles.

"I know, I can't imagine what it's been like for you. But you cannot continue on like this. I can help you control it, it's going to be hard but you can do it Gee. Please just try? For your brother, dor me." Bert says, running his hand along Gerard's arm as he holds him close.

"I'll try my hardest." Gerard says as he rests his face into Bert, trying to hide the tears that manage to slip. Willing to try and go sober again with the help and support of Bert.

Bert kisses the top of his head. "I love you so so much. I'll take care of you."