such a softer sin | gerbert

chapter sixty six

Bert squeezes the red head softly as they hug, comforting Gerard as he cries and can't seem to stop after the awful past few weeks. Finally being back in his embrace. The past two weeks have been absolute hell for the both of then. "I'm so sorry, I love you so much. I won't leave you again, never again."

Bert rubs his back, letting him get it out. He can't imagine how hard it's been for him, how bad he must feel after relapsing. The smell of booze lingering from his clothes. Gerard chokes a sob before pulling away, wiping his eyes as he tries calming himself. Beginning to hiccup, only earning a laugh from both of them. Gerard nods to the sidewalk from the ally they stand in. "Let's go home."

Bert drives, glancing over to Gerard who lays his head tiredly against the window. The two of them beginning to warm up from the heat that blows. Bert lays his hand ontop of Gerard's, making the red head look at him and smile. "We'll figure everything out Bert, it'll all be okay. We will be okay."

Arriving at the complex the two go up to the apartment. Bert sighs seeing how much of a mess it is, beer and Jack Daniel's bottle little the living room and kitchen area. Gerard looks down in shame as Bert looks around. Feeling guilty for relapsing and continuing too. Especially after being sober for nearly a full month. Bert and Mikey were so proud of him. Gerard was so proud of himself. But it's all ruined now.

"Bert I did something really bad.." Gerard trails off, trying to find a way to tell him that he'd hooked up with someone while they were separated. Bert looks at him in concern, hearing how hesitant he is to tell him. "I hooked up with someone. I was wasted and sad, he was there hitting on me. I'm really sorry, you know I wouldn't have if I were sober, I'm really sorry."

He watches Bert's expression soften. Watching him sigh before offering a rather sad and forced smile. "It's okay, you were sad and drunk. He took advantage of that. We were broken up anyway. We're starting over, it's okay."

Gerard softly kisses him, sliding his hand into Bert's. Sitting on the bed together, Bert runs his thumb along the top of his hand. "We need to talk about your relapsing. I'm so sorry I did this to you, but we can start over. You can do this, we don't have to throw out the work we've done." He encourages.

"Bert I'm not strong enough, I can't. Not with everything going on." Gerard says shaking his head. Gerard can't handle this anymore. Bert and Mikey, work and staying sober. It's all too overwhelming, too much for him. Honestly this little breakdown has been a long time coming, it's just been building up inside. It's just this that finally pushed him over the edge.

"You are, it's okay to struggle but I'm here to help you through it. Don't worry about work because I want us to move in together, I can pay for things and you can take care of Mikey." Bert says. Gerard looks at him, shocked at the suggestion. Bert wants to move in together? He didn't expect him to ever want too, considering the fact that he isn't out.

"How could we move in together? You aren't out, the guys will know that something's going on." Gerard asks confused on how that would work. Figuring that nothing's changed when it comes to his fear of letting his friends amd family know he's gay. Bert smiles softly, biting his bottom lip. Squeezing Gerard's hand lightly.

"I'm ready to come out. For you." Bert says. Gerard smiles and softly kisses him. They end up laid back as they heatedly make out. Bert's missed that beautiful smile so much. Missed the touch of his skin, his soft soothing voice. His soft warm lips. Bert's missed absolutely everything, these past two weeks have been absolute hell for him too. Being without Gerard during this really touch time of his life has been hard. The ache of his heart when they're separated and guilt that weighed over him every night.

Laying beside him, Bert doesn't let him go. Holding him as close as possible. Gerard smiles, playing with his hair. Proud of him. "Are we going to talk about that night? I'm not mad, it was an accident. But do you want to talk about it?"

"Gerard I think I need help.."

• • •

Bert nervously stands with Gerard as the apartment door is opened, revealing Mikey and Pete. He's afraid Mikey may not be as forgiving. Ontop of the fact that they're about to tell him about their relationship, admit that Bert's gay. Also telling him that they'll be moving in together. Gerard looks at Bert who trembles, looking quite pale. "It's okay baby, don't worry. It's just Mikey and Pete."

"Bert." Mikey says looking at him with an unhappy expression. Bert mumbles a pathetic hello, staring down at his feet nervously. "You guys m-made up, good. But I'm-I'm still mad at you for what you did to him."

"Well you should really make up because we're going to be living together here shortly." Gerard smiles, sliding his hand into Bert's. Mikey can't help but to smile as he looks at them, despite the fact he's trying to stay mad at Bert for hurting his big brother like he did. Mikey loves Bert so much, but he loves his brother more. Seeing Gerard breakdown, relapse broke his heart, especially to know it was because of him. He'd never seen Gerard so vulnerable and hurt, he's always been the strong one.

Mikey hugs them both, but Bert extra tightly. Whispering quietly in his ear. "I'm proud of you."