such a softer sin | gerbert

chapter sixty one

Gerard looks to the door everytime the bell rings, in hope it's Bert. Not a call, text or visit from him since he left last night. Gerard's been hoping he'd show up at the bar like usual, that they'd be able to talk about what happened, fix things. Knowing how bad Bert feels about loosing it last night. But this was just an accident, Gerard isn't angry or upset with him.

"Hey Gerard, where's Bert at?" Mr. Pail asks approaching the bar where Gerard's leaned against the shelves, staring at the door. Noticing the upset expression on his face, the fact that Bert isn't here like he usually is every night. Worried about the young guy who usually has a smile on his face, always the life of the bar. But the complete opposite today.

Gerard just sighs, shaking his head and takes off the black waist apron around his waist. Offering a soft smile and placing a hand on Pails arm. "I've got to go, I'll see you soon Pail."

Gerard exits the bar into the cold, walking through the dark to the parking lot. The drive back back home Gerard becomes very anxious about getting home where he imagines Bert will be at. What will he say? Will Bert be upset? Gerard just wants to hug and comfort him, he's so worried. He just wants Bert to know that he isn't angry with him over what happened, Bert had know control over himself or what he did.

Arriving at the complex, Gerard hurries up to his apartment. Taking a deep breath before entering, closing the door back behind him. "Bert?" He calls out, setting his keys down on the table before taking off his coat. Walking down the hall and walking into their bedroom.

Stopping in his tracks when he enters. Seeing the closet door wide open and empty, all of Bert's things gone. All clothes, his glasses, shoes. Everything. Gerard feels a pain in his chest, finding it hard to breathe.

He left.

Hours pass of just silence. But soon Mikey gets home with Pete from a date. Gerard rubs the tears in his eyes away as he walks down the hall with a bag packed to Mikey who waits in the living room with Pete. Mikey looks to his brother, taking and holding his hand. "Gee why- why are you sen- sending me to Pete's? What- What- What's going on?"

"Nothing baby, nothing. You just go enjoy your time with Pete, okay? I just need some time to figure some things out." Gerard reassures him. He's sending Mikey to Pete's house for a week or so, he doesn't know how to tell Mikey that Bert left them. Mikey loves Bert, he's the first man Mikey's opened up too. And now he's gone, without any word.

Gerard turns to Pete. "Thank you."

"Of course." Pete smiles, rubbing Gerard's arm seeing that something's going on that he isn't telling Mikey. More than happy to have his boyfriend come and stay with him for a week. But worried about Gerard, seeing the state he's in. When Gerard called to tell them, it was obvious he was upset and still is. It's bad enough that Gerard wants him to leave so Mikey isn't going to argue or question it, knowing he wouldn't do this without a reason.

Gerard says goodbye and the couple leave. Leaving Gerard in the empty apartment, having no one. Except for Edward who Mikey wants to leave while he's gone so that Gerard will have someone to keep him 'company'. Gerard walks to the bedroom, grabbing his phone and dialing Bert's number. Sitting on the end of the bed, praying he answers.

It goes straight to voicemail. Gerard takes a shakey breath, fighting his tears before finding his voice to speak.

"Bert please come home.. You can't just leave. I'm not mad, it was an accident. Please just at least answer my call so I know you're alright. I love you." Gerard speaks before ending the call. Sitting on the edge of the bed, burying his face in his hands as he fights his tears.

• • •

Bert lays in bed, hugging his pillow. Back in his room at the apartment he shares with the guys. Unable to stop thinking about Gerard. How much pain he must be in, how heartbroken he must be. But this is the right thing to do, wheather Gerard sees or wants to accept it or not.

His voice vibrates with an incoming call from Gerard. He sighs, letting it ring before his voicemail plays. Bert chokes a cry as he listens to his lovers shakey voice. Listening to him beg to come home, the pain in his voice pains him to listen too. Replaying it over and over again just to hear "I love you..".

He threw a lamp at Gerard, raised his fist to him, shoved him. Bert made a promise that he would never hurt Gerard, never put him through the pain and heartache that he went through with Zach. He almost hit Gerard, almost hurt him. What kind of man does that? To the person he loves most in this world.

Bert will not let himself become Zach, won't let himself hurt Gerard. The way he looked at him from against the hall, how scared he was in that moment. The way Gerard yelled in fear while flinching and covering his face that he was going to hit him. Bert can't forgive himself for doing this to him. He won't.

The only way to protect Gerard is to stay away. As much as it kills him, it's over.