such a softer sin | gerbert

chapter forty four

Bert's arm rested on the soft bare skin of Gerard's waist from behind. The two resting in bed under the blanket together, talking though they're both on the verge of falling asleep. It's almost 2 am but neither of them want to sleep bespite their exhaustion, they just enjoy talking. Taking this moment to spend some alone time together.

Bert tiredly chuckles against Gerard's bare shoulder from behind before placing a gentle kiss on it. "Did you see Mikey and that Pete boy a few weeks ago on his birthday? I've never seen Mikey act like that, he seemed so happy with that guy."

"Yeah you noticed that too? Mikey's in love with the idea of love. But they seemed to really like each other, he seemed like a sweet guy. It just that Mikey's naive, especially when it comes to boys. He honestly deserves nothing less than the entire world." Gerard says tiredly, thinking about his brother and how much he means to him.

Their conversation is interrupted by the yells of those guys outside again. Yelling at and with each other, must be another fight. They hear the rest of their group laughing and cheering the fight on. Gerard sighs, hating this place.

As the two begin talking again, they're interrupted once again by a soft knock on the room door, before the bedroom door is opened. Revealing Mikey. In a sweatshirt and pajama pants, his dirty blonde fringe a little messy and missing his glasses. "Can I sleep with you guys tonight? They're fighting again."

"Of course sugar, c'mon." Gerard says, lifting up his side of the blanket. Allowing Mikey to get in and under the blanket that traps his and Bert's body heat, warming up again. Knowing he woke by and is afraid of the fight going on outside.

"You're okay Mikey, don't worry about them." Bert reassures the frightened teen, feeling bad for him. Honestly quite pissed that these guys keep bothering them like this. Waking them up, scaring Mikey. They don't care about the people around them, trying to sleep at two in the morning.

• • •

Bert scoffs as he sits alone on the couch. Gerard's gone right now on the date that Dan and the guys set him up on. His feelings hurt as the image of Gerard at dinner with some guy remains burned in his head. In fear that Gerard will actually end up liking him. End up forgetting about Bert, stop loving him.

Bert should be the one taking him out for dinner. Should be the one to tell him how amazing he looks, the one to make him smile and laugh. But no, it's some random guy who probably only has intentions to try and fuck him like most do.

His thoughts are interrupted by the front door opening, Gerard entering the apartment. A smile on his face, a light blush spread on his cheeks. The smile that usually makes Berts day only breaks his heart. Knowing he's smiling from his night with that guy, their date.
"How was it? Did everything go okay?"

"Everything went fine. It was actually really fun. We have a lot in common, he's really sweet too." Gerard says as he slides off his coat and placing it on the hooks, kicking off his shoes. Bert just scoffs for probably the twentieth time just in the past few hours, crossing his arms over his chest.

Gerard walks over, seeing he's unhappy about it. "Hey, it's okay suagr. It was just one date, I'm not going to go on another. Don't worry."

"That doesn't matter. The fact that you went on just one is enough for me." Bert says standing and walking down to the hall and into Gerard's bedroom. Mikey's gone at his friend Pete's house tonight, giving them the apartment to themselves tonight. Gerard didn't want Mikey knowing he was going on a date with another guy.

"Bert we already talked about this. I'm not into seeing anyone else but you. Tonight was just to keep them from suspecting that we're into each other. It was nothing." Gerard says following him into the bedroom. Knowing his feelings are just hurt over it.

"I know, I just hate it. We should be able to be together. I should be able to take you out on cute dates like that." Bert says sympathetically. Feeling bad that he's putting Gerard through this and they aren't even together. Hating that he feels the need to be like this, to worry so much about appearance.

What Mikey said the other day has really been on Bert's mind. That no matter what they love him, wheather he's straight or gay. Maybe he's right? But he's so afraid, so afraid of what everyone will think. How his best friends, fans and family will react. If they'll all actually accept him.

"Well we could be together Bert. You're the only reason why we aren't. We can keep it a secret, I really don't mind." Gerard says. He doesn't understand why Bert's so against them being together and just not telling anyone. I mean it's close to what they're already doing.

"We already talked about this. Because it isn't fair of me to do that to you Gerard. You'll be miserable." Bert says shaking his head. Hating to tell him no, especially when he so desperately wants to say yes.

"You say that, but no Bert. We haven't talked about it. You talked and you decided yourself that it's 'too hard for me'. I can make my own decisions, it isn't all about you. I love you, I want to be with you, even if we're a secret. And that isn't going to change with just one date with some random man." Gerard says looking at him.

"You say that now Gerard, but i-it becomes too much. I can't be a good boyfriend if I can't kiss you, even hug you when I want outside of an empty room. I don't want to make you unhappy." Bert says. His mind flashing back to Zach. How miserable he made him with being so secretive about their relationship.

"Baby I don't need some public relationship to be happy. All I need is you. Even as friends we already hide in an empty room, it doesn't bother me." Gerard says, moving some of Bert's black hair from his face. Knowing Bert's just afraid of getting hurt again, of hurting Gerard himself.

Bert just smiles and gently kisses the red head. Giving into his argument. "Just promise me that no matter what, you'll tell me if you're unhappy."

"I don't think that could happen." Gerard smiles before kissing him again.