such a softer sin | gerbert

chapter thirty seven

Bert lays motionless in the empty bed. The darkness surrounds him as he lies awake and alone at the hour of 2 am. Unable to sleep again tonight, the third time this week. Though no one knows of his sleeping problems, not his best friends, not his family, not even Gerard. No one knows the struggles of his past that haunt his unconscious mind.

Wanting so desperately to call Gerard and talk to him, Gerard always makes him feel better. Just the sound of his voice. But he's been working so hard and finally got off early tonight. Bert doesn't want to wake him from catching up on his well needed sleep.

This happens all the time and usually Bert would go into Jeph's room and in bed with him which usually helps him sleep. But here recently it hasn't been working, he can't sleep no matter what.

Bert has a show tomorrow night, so he really needs to sleep. But there's only one way he'll be able to do that. He gets out of bed and leaves the apartment, driving the short distance to Gerard's apartment complex. Gerard gave him a key in case he ever needed anything. For moments like these.

Using the extra key Gerard gave to Bert for cases like these, he goes inside quietly and to the room at the end of the hall. Entering the dark room, he smiles softly to see the red head asleep in bed. Sliding off his shirt, Bert joins him in bed, already calming from the panic he's been in since he woke from his nightmare.

Bert tiredly snakes his arm around him waist, resting his face in Gerard's neck from behind. He never has trouble sleeping or nightmares when he's here with Gerard. Maybe it's just the room where so many horrible memories took place, so many horrible things happened.

"Is everything okay Bert?" Gerard's tired voice asks feeling him in bed. Knowing him and not Mikey by the light cologne that lingers off him. Sliding his hand onto his that rests on Gerard's stomach.

"Everything's okay." Bert says, not wanting to keep Gerard up. Definately not wanting to talk about it right now. Bert's very open with Gerard, he talks to him about most things. But this isn't something he wants him to know about. This isn't something he wants anyone to know, that he doesn't want to admit to Gerard or anyone.

Gerard falls back asleep and Bert just rests with him, feeling so much better now that he's here with the pretty red head. It doesn't take long before Bert finally drifts to sleep after his long sleepless night.

• • •

Bert wakes feeling that Gerard's no longer in his grasp, in bed, or even in the room. Sitting up and rubbing his eyes, he looks at the alarm clock that reads 7 am. Forcing himself out of bed, he walks down the hall and to the living room. Smiling when he sees Gerard on the corner of the couch under a blanket, coffee beside him and sketching.

"Morning sleeping beauty." Gerard chuckles when he sees Bert walk out from the hall. He sits next to the red head, who flips his notebook over so Bert can't see his drawing. That warm smile that already makes his day. Glad to see that him showing up last night didn't keep him up or bother him.

"Morning. Shouldn't you be leaving for your shift at the bookstore?" Bert asks confused as Gerard moves some of the blanket onto him since their heater Usually Gerard leaves for his morning shift at 7, yet he isn't even dressed yet.

"My manager called and said someone called in to work this morning. So I have the morning off. So I get to relax until my bar shifts tonight, unfortunately I'm closing again." Gerard says, happy that he has the morning off. And glad that Bert's here.

"So is everything okay Bert? What made you come over at 2 am?" Gerard asks. Concerned about him. He's picked up on Bert's anxiety, how he doesn't like to be alone. How often he shows up late at night and gets in bef with him. Which he doesn't mind, he honestly likes having him here. But it's obvious he has his own struggles too.

"Yeah everything's okay. I don't realy want to talk about it right now." Bert says. Knowing that he wouldn't be able to lie to Gerard and say it was for no reason, knowing he wouldn't believe that. Hoping Gerard will understand that he doesn't want to talk about it.

"That's okay. I'm here for you sugar, if you ever need to talk about anything or just need to vent." Gerard reassures him, reminding Bert that he's here for him no matter what, anytime or anyday. They both have their demons, but they also have each other. That's all they really need.

Bert nods to the sketchbook that's flipped over on his lap. "Let me see. You've never let me look at your art."

"It's not very good, just sketches." Gerard blushes lightly, handing him the book. Bert looks through the pages, speechless as he looks at the comic strips. Some detailed sketches of Mikey, a lot of Bert and even some of Pail.

"Gerard these are incredible. Wow, Gerard have you considered art school? You could make a career out of this." Bert says in shock as he looks through the book with filled pages of his art. Getting to a page where there's a bunch of drawn out charecters with names and characteristics.

"No, no. They aren't that good, it's just something I do when I get the time. Mikey likes to give me a description of a charecter he comes up with and I draw it out. He''s full of creativity." Gerard chuckles, seeing he's on the page filled with characters him and Mikey create together.

"What do you mean? These are amazing. Baby you should do something. Teach some art classes? Public a comic?" Bert encourages the red head as he looks through the pages. Amazed by his talent.

"Do you really think so?" Gerard bites his lip, quite flustered by how much Bert seems to like them. He's been drawing since he was a kid, it take his mind off things. Allows him to relax and do something creative different from his back to back job. He always wanted to be either an artist or musician growing up.

"Yeah, you're really talented. You shouldn't be nervous to show people." Bert says, so proud of him. Noticing he's obviously unsure of his own art. Gerard smiles and covers them up more, noticing how tired Bert is. He's noticed how tired he always is, but then again he's usually up all night at the bar with Gerard so it's understandable.

"Are you sure you're okay baby?"  Gerard asks worriedly as Bert fights to stay awake, obviously exhaused like he hasn't slept in days. Especially worried after showing up at 2 am, seemed upset and bothered.

"I'm fine." Bert hums tiredly but ultimately passes out again.