such a softer sin | gerbert

chapter fifty three

Gerard wipes his mouth with his shaking hand as he leans back from the toilet after getting sick. He's had this pit in his stomach these past few weeks, a longing for alcohol. It's been tough but he hasn't wanted to bother Bert with it since he's dealing with his own issues, more important ones at that. Gerard's barely been able to keep anything heavier than crackers down lately.

"Gerard? Hey are you okay?" Bert's concerned voice calls through the door after soft knocks are placed on the locked bathroom door. Having woken up from his sleep by the sound of his coughs and gags. Worried about him. It's roughly 2 am, Gerard's never awake at this time.

Gerard clears his burning throat as he leans back against the edge of the bathtub. "Yeah yeah, I'm fine. Go back to bed, I'm getting in the shower."

He stands, undressing and getting into the shower. Taking a deep breath as warm water falls onto his skin, calming him down. He's okay. It's going to be a long road to stay sober, he knows that. Reminding himself he's okay and staying positive really helps. It can only get better from here, right? How will he be able to help Bert if he's struggling too?

Gerard forces himself out of the warm shower and dries off. Dressing back in his sweatpants and hoodie considering how cold it is. He brushes his teeth since he got sick. Leaving the bathroom, he sees Bert waiting for him in bed, reading as he waits. "Hey, are you okay Gee? Talk to me."

"Yeah, I'm sorry for waking you. Just got a little nauseous." Gerard says as he tiredly joins him in bed, taking off his glasses. Gerard has bad eye sight, he wears contacts during the day though. Bert and Mikey are the only ones he ever wears his glasses around.

Laying down and resting into Bert's embrace, Gerard exhales tiredly. Bert twirls a strand of his damp red hair around his finger. "Are you sure you're okay? You haven't mentioned how you've been handling recently."

Though he's given no response. He softly chuckles when he sees Gerard's already fallen back asleep. Bert reaches over and turns out the lamp before wrapping the blanket more around them. Allowing his body to relax into the comfortable bed with the red head before drifting back to sleep.

• • •

Gerard rests his face in his younger brothers hair as they lay on the couch together. Mikey got back from Pete's today, it's the end of the week. He ranted all about how they went to feed the ducks at the park, went out to dinner and watched movies every night in bed together. How much fun he had, and wants to do it again.

They're now watching a movie on the couch together, just spending some personal time with one another. It's not often that the brothers are separated overnight, especially for days. Gerard really missed Mikey all week.

But he really wants to go back and re-live this amazing week again. Sure it was a tough first day, but the rest of the week has been nothing but memorable. Spending so much time with Bert, having the apartment to themselves every night. It was so nice having a week off work just to spend with his lover.

Bert's in the bedroom right now, giving them some time to spend with each other. Gerard figures he's asleep, he was really tired earlier. "I love you Gee, much- so much."

"I love you too Mikes, so much." Gerard whispers with a soft smile. Sure things may he tough for Gerard, two jobs and raising a teen. Not to mention all the other bumps in the road. But it's all worth it to him. To watch his little brother grow up happy, with a good life unlike Gerard had. All the stress is worth it, all for his family.

Once the movie ends they go to Mikey's room where Gerard reads to him. It's 10 pm and Mikey's exhausted so it won't be long before the teenager falls asleep to the sound of his older brothers voice. As expected, Mikey's out like a light.

Gerard gets out of his bed and covers his sleeping baby brother up with the blanket, making sure he's warm and comfortable. Gerard turns out the light and leaves the room, cracking the door slightly. In case of emergency, he doesn't like Mikey's door being closed and especially not locked unless told too.

Since it's just been him and Mikey for so long, they have a routine and understanding. They have their own privacy, they know when not to bother each other. Mikey knows when Gerard's had a bad day and vise versa.

Entering into the bedroom, Gerard sees Bert on the edge of the bed. His shoulders slumped down, hair like a curtain around his face as he's looking down at something. "Hey, is everything okay? I thought you would already be asleep by now."

"Yeah-" Bert's raspy voice cuts off to clear his throat, sitting up properly. Offering a soft and clearly forced smile. "Yeah everything's fine."

Gerard sits on the edge of the bed next to him. Looking over his shoulder at the open screen on his phone that rests on his knee. Seeing that he's looking through what looks like old messages between him and someone. "May I?" Gerard asks softly.

Bert hands him the phone before sighing softly and putting his face in his hands. Gerard looks at the name, his heart sinking when he sees that Bert's looking through some old text messages between him and Zach. Beginning to read through the messages he he was looking at, focused on.

Bert:
do you wanna order in something tonight? that movie you've been excited to see just came out wanna watch it?

Zach:
idc

Bert:
if you don't want too that's fine. i just thought we could just spend the night together.

Zach:
bert i told you idc just shut it and choose

Bert:
sorry. lets not, it's okay, another night maybe. i love you, goodnight 💕

Zach:
k

Gerard sighs as he reads the sad messages between the broken up couple. Looking over to Bert. "Baby you can't keep doing this to yourself. I know it's hard to handle what happened, but looking back at it? Bert you're hurting yourself."

Bert just softly chuckles. "I know. I just can't stop thinking about how blind I was when we were together. He hurt and used me but I was still convinced that he loved me. I know I'm being stupid, I'm sorry for putting this onto you."

"Don't apologize. No ones blaming you Bert, I can't imagine how it feels. But I'm your boyfriend now, not him. I love you, not him. You don't need to look at those, that's history." Gerard says, reassuring him. He just need Bert to know that he's here for him.

Bert smiles and wraps his arm around the red head beside him, placing a soft kiss on his temple. "I love you, thank you so much for being here through this."

"I love you too, so much. But c'mon, we've got to get some sleep." Gerard smiles, nudging his arm before standing.