such a softer sin | gerbert

chapter sixty two

It's been four days. Four long, lonely and empty days since Bert packed up and left. Gerard sits on the couch of the empty apartment, sat in silence. Mikey's still at Pete's, he'll be there for a while. Until Gerard can get himself back together, get himself under control. It's been the toughest and saddest four days of his life.

Gerard looks at his lockscreen or him, Bert, Mikey and Edward in a selfie they took the day they adopted the puppy who currently lays on his lap. Wishing so badly that they could just go back to that time, that none of this ever happened. That Bert didn't leave. Who gave him the right? The right to come into their lives and leave because of what, an incident? Boyfriends will have arguments and fight, or at least they were boyfriends.

Not as much as a text. No word from him, not a call or a text. He just grabbed his things and left. What's Gerard supposed to tell Mikey? What's Gerard going to do now? Bert is his absolute world, he gave Gerard the courage to keep going, to even get out of bed in the morning. What is there now? Yes he has Mikey, but Gerard can't go back to raising him by himself. Bert helped, he helped so much. He was always there for them.

Gerard sighs standing and grabs his coat, leaving the apartment. He's still got bills to pay, still has jobs. Gerard walks instead of taking the car, some fresh air could do him some good. Four days of sitting in that apartment in the dark, praying that any second Bert was going to walk through the front door and hug him. He doesn't deserve this.

"Hey Gerard, I haven't seen you in days. Is everything okay?" Pail asks when Gerard enters the bar and approaches the island. Worried about the young guy, his friend. Seeing the bags under his eyes, his shaggy unbrushed and unwashed hair. Noticing he's still wearing the same clothes he was wearing a few days ago.

"Yeah." Gerard says pouring the older man a drink. Staring at the alcohol in the shot glass in-front of him. His mouth watering along with his eyes as he fights the temptation to give into it. He deserves a drink. After the week he's had, the pain he's in. Doesn't he deserve a drink? Gerard pours himself a shot, staring down at it befiore downing the strong alcohol. Feeling his heart ache as he relaxes from being so tense, pouring himself another.

Pail watches the red head down shot after shot, drink after drink. Calling and canceling his cab so he can stay with Gerard. Sobering up so that he'll be able to drive Gerard home. Letting him drink whatever he's going through out. Staying to make sure that he gets home safely.  Time passes and so does Gerard's drink. Pail walks around the bars island, helping the drunken red head out. "Come on, I'll drive you home."

Pail helps him into his car before getting in and beginning to drivwe towards his apartment complex. Pail is close with Gerard and Mikey, he often checks up on Mikey when Gerard's working really late. Often brings him dinner or will take him out to dinner, just to get him out of the apartment. Pail was the first person to care for them when they moved here after their mom got ill.

"You're going to regret this in the morning." Pail sadly chuckles when they pull up at the complex. Getting out and walking around to the other side where he sees Gerard open his door, stepping out of the car and falling. Laying on the cold wet concrete of the parking lot.

Pail quickly helps him up, only for Gerard to turn and get sick in the bushes along the gate. Pail rubs his back until he finishes. Helping Gerard up to the apartment, holding him up as he unlockes the door. Helping Gerard in and to bed. Taking off his shoes for him and covering him upo, rubbing his arm. "Get some rest Gerard, I'll come and check on you tomorrow."

Gerard lays in the dar when Pail leaves, turning out the lights behind him. Gerard pats his pocket for his phone, pulling it out and calling Bert's number.

• • •

Bert wakes from the light that peaks into the dim room from the breaks in the window shade. Sighing as he remembers where he is, that he's in bed alone. Rolling over, he picks up his phone to see two voicemails from Gerard. Time stamped at 2 am. Bert sighs softly, clicking on and playing them.

"You know you're a piece of shit, right? I let you in when you promised you wouldn't hurt us, hurt me and you did it anyway. You're just like all the rest. But ya'know what? It's okay because I don't need you McJackass." Gerard voice giggles drunkenly at his own sarcastic remark. Which turns into a soft sob, breaking down over the voicemail.

"But you didn't have the right to do this, we all have problems. We all do bad shit, unforgivable shit. But you don't run away from your problems. You're not a man, you're just a coward. What about me? You were helping me, and the past few months of sobriety- It's all down the drain you asshole." Gerard cries over the phone. Wasted, angry and hurt.

Bert's heart breaks realizing Gerard's relapsed. Getting out of bed, he goes down the hall and to the living room where the guys are hanging out together on the couch and talking. Quinn jokes when he sees Bert enter from the hall. "Look whose finally got out of bed, it only took five days."

"Jeph." Bert nods to the side. Jeph stands and follows him, concerned. "I need you to go the Gerard's apartment and check on him. Please."

"Yeah of course, what's going on? Why did you suddenly come home?" Jeph asks, confiused. Bert shows up a few nights ago crying, hasn't gone back to Gerard's other than to get his things. He just figured they got in a small argument but it's now obvious that it's a lot more bigger than that.

"Please just go make sure he's okay. There's a key under the plant pot, his room's at the end of the hall." Bert begs. Jeph doesn't question anymore, he grabs his coat and leaves.

Bert goes back to his room, replaying the voicemail again.