such a softer sin | gerbert

chapter seventeen

Bert lays in bed as him and Gerard talk with each other over the phone. The two are honestly half asleep, though neither of them want to get off of the phone with one another. It's roughly two am, they've been on the phone since Gerard got off of work and arrived to his apartment around 11:30.

"So how have you been feeling Gee? I know working two different jobs, everyday is hard on you." Bert asks.   His phone laid on his forehead as he lays flat on his back in the dark. Gerard's on speaker, since he's alone in his room and the guys are all asleep considering the time.

"I'm okay, just stressed. I feel really bad. I feel like I don't spend enough time with Mikey. I'm either always working, or when I do get off of work I'm too exhausted to do much with him." Gerard sighs softly as he huddles up under his thick blanket that sheilds him from his cold room.

"Baby you're being too hard on yourself. You're working two jobs to take care of him, he knows this. He understands that you're exhausted when you come home from work."   Bert reassures him. Mikey may be slower than others, but he's really smart. He knows it isn't Gerard's fault.

"I know, but that doesn't make it any easier. I hate that he has to know about financial problems at his age. I mean, he's 15. He shouldn't have to worry about whether or not I have enough money to pay the bills, or for his classes." Gerard sighs over the phone, not knowing what to do to fix it.

Bert frowns, hearing how much this is bothering Gerard. Gerard loves his little brother more than anything in the world, he means everything to him. Mikey is such an amazing kid. He hates hearing that they struggle like this, barely getting by. They don't deserve to live like this, to live this way.

"I'm really sorry Gee, I know it's tough raising a teen on your own. But Mikey knows that you love him, that you would spend all the time in the world with him if you could. You can't beat yourself up over this, it isn't your fault." Bert says, hoping to comfort him. Though he knows it won't be enough.

Gerard just sighs softly again, clearly unconvinced. "Yeah, I guess so.."

• • •

Bert smiles as he watches Gerard talk with Mr. Pail at the bar. Watching his warming smile, listening to his sweet laughter. To Bert, Gerard is perfect in every possible way. He truly is the sweetest person on earth. There's not a mean bone in his body and Bert absolutely adores that.

There's not a single thing he would ever even consider changing about Gerard. He's funny and kind, always knows how to bring a smile to anyone's face. Gerard's breathtakingly beautiful, Bert was automatically drawn to him the second he laid eyes on him.

But not just because he's beautiful, but because of his smile. Fuck Gerard has the most beautiful smile in the world. Bert can't help but to just space out and stare sometimes when he sees Gerard smiling. Gerard in general has made this world better just by existing.
But most importantly, he's made Bert a better man.

Bert was so depressed before he met Gerard. He was still dealing with the aftermath of Zach despite being broken up already for 3 months. He hated everything about himself. Rarely smiled, had no motivation to get out of bed, to shower, sometimes ever to eat.

Until he met Gerard. Gerard gave him hope, made him believe again that there is still some good in this world. That not all men will take advantage of you, that not all men lay their hands on you. He's made Bert so happy and Gerard doesn't even realize it.

"Hey Bert." Mr. Pail smiles as Bert approaches them at the bar. Bert's gotten to know Pail in the past few weeks, he really is an amazing guy. He really seems to care for Gerard, clearly proven when he stood up for him when that guy was disrespectful towards Gee. And Gerard seems to trust him, which is why Bert trusts him.

"I thought you weren't coming tonight Bert?" Gerard says, confused. He'd seen Zach here the other night, in which he told Bert not to come in-case Zach came back tonight. Just to be careful.

"I'm tired of hiding. Plus I like being here when you're working the bar. I don't trust the drunken people around here with you. Except you, Pail." Bert chuckles, earning a soft laugh from the older man sat next to him.

Gerard smiles at the fact that Bert feels confident enough to be here tonight. He hates the fact that Zach still seems to have a control Bert despite the fact that they're not together anymore. He's trying to teach Bert that it's okay to say no to Zach. Which seems like it's the hardest thing for Bert to do.

Though Bert's heart sinks when he sees Gerard take a shot. He's waiting for the right time to bring up Gerard's drinking problem and talk to him about it. He just knows that Gerard gets very defensive when it comes to that. And considering last weekend, it's best to let things cool off before bringing it up.

Gerard's still bummed about not being able to be with Bert. But Gerard now understands that moving on with another man, in secrecy, is a hard thing for him to do. Especially with Zach coming around recently, it's been really hard for Bert.

As the two talk, Bert's phone dings with a message. He continues what he was saying as he fishes his phone from his pocket and un-locking it. Stopping mid-sentence with a loss of breath when he sees the message left on his phone, and who it's from.

Zach: who the hell do you think you are leaving me on read? avoiding me for that fucking redheaded bartender? i'm calling you later, and you better answer robert. 

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[uhh i know this one wasn't very interesting, but it's all leading up to things xx]