such a softer sin | gerbert

chapter sixty

Gerard rolls his head back as Bert kisses at his neck from behind. Warm water falling onto their bodies as they shower, the glass box around them fogged up by steam. Mikey's just left for school and Gerard has work in an hour. Though Bert's acting as a distraction from all of the stress Gerard's been under recently.

"We have a little time before I head to work ya'know." Gerard bites his bottom lip, eyes rested closed. Bert's warm breath against the skin of his neck sending shivers down his arms. The kisses to his neck turning him on. Willing to be late for his first shift though he knows he shouldn't. He can't help it, Bert's such a tease.

Bert laughs against his skin, dragging his hands from Gerard's shoulders down his wet arms. "You know we don't have enough time baby, and your boss will kill you if you're late."

"I know." Gerard sighs in frustration, turning around to him with a small pout. Bert laughs and places a gentle kiss on his lips. They don't get enough time together and Gerard hates it. Always having to work has caused him to miss out on so much time with his brother and Bert. And a lot of sex, Gerard's always too exhausted to do anything after a long day of work. They don't usually get home until one sometimes two in the morning.

Bert places another kiss. "I know you're stressed, how about Mikey go to Pete's this weekend? Give us some time alone."

"That sounds perfect." Gerard smiles, feeling better. Looking forward to this weekend. With everything going on, he really needs a weekend alone with him. A weekend to spend time and relax, possibly talk about some things out with Bert.

• • •

Gerard mumbles to himself, feeling the breath on his neck from behind go from steady to hyperventilating. Gerard opens his eyes, sighing sadly when he reads the clock on the nightstand beside the bed as 2:32 am. Knowing it's Bert having another nightmare. Sometimes he goes a few days without them, which is good.

Gerard feels so bad for him, the pain and trauma he's stuck re-living in his dream all the time. He can't even begin to imagine the things that Bert went through in his relationship with Zach. Especially for it to cause this kind of aftermath. Who knows what happened, what he did to Bert. Gerard can't judge him for staying with Zach through it all, he can't pretend to know what it was like. All he can do now is protect and support him.

Bert grip tightens around his waist, trembling against his body from behind. Mumbling in his sleep, pleading. Gerard lays still, trying to ignore the acheing in his chest as he listens to his lover. Bert's hand grips onto Gerard's arm, mumbling sad apologies in his sleep. He deals with the pain, knowing he'll wake up from it soon. He's glad that Bert can at least get some sleep afterwards. It just pains Gerard to listen to him, to know what he's going through in it.

"Stop." Bert's voice gets louder. His grip on Gerard's arm squeezing tighter. Gerard winces but deals with it, knowing he'll wake up. His voice grows louder as he continues repeating the word 'stop'.

Gerard winces as he grips harder before releasing. Feeling Bert shove him off the bed but Gerard quickly catches himself and standing up before he falls on the ground like last time. Looking at Bert whose eyes are open and seems awake yet disoriented.

"I said stop." Bert says picking up the lamp from the nightstand and throwing it, which hits the wall next to Gerard, making him jump. Watching as Bert raises his hand towards Gerard, balled in a fist. Full of rage and anger, so much pain and hurt built up inside. Disoriented and afraid.

"Bert!" Gerard yells, flinching and covers his face, expecting and preparing for a punch. But it never seems come, instead he just heads a shakey gasp. Lifting his head to see Bert backing up, obviously awake and aware of what he's doing. Realizing what he's done.

Gerard stands up, watching as Bert panics. Running his hand through his hair as tears brim his eyes, looking at the broken lamp shattered on the floor. Looking at Gerard against the wall who looks frightened. "No no, what did I do. Oh no no no."

"It's okay Bert, it's okay. It was just an accident, it's alright." Gerard steps over the broken glass, being causious of going near Bert considering how panicked he is. Not wanting to startle him in case he isn't one hundred percent yet. Visibly shaking.

Bert steps backwards, putting his hand in-front of him towards Gerarde to keep him from coming closer. He grabs his phone, leaving the room. Gerard goes to follow, but hears the front door of ther apartment open and close.

Gerard's heart sinks, sitting back on the end of the bed.

[i hurt myself writing this chapter.]