such a softer sin | gerbert

chapter thirty one

Gerard sadly chuckles as he looks at his lockscreen which is a selfie of him, Bert and Mikey that they took at the fair. He loves them both so fucking much, they mean the absolute world to him. He couldn't ask for a better brother, best friend or lover because there isn't.

Gerard finishes off his beer and tosses the bottle to the side before grabbing another one and popping off the cap. Someone called in and took his shift tonight. Mikey's gone at his friends place again, so Gerard plans on taking the opportunity to get absolutely wasted. Just to take the edge off.

Drinking is what he's most ashamed of, but he can't stop himself anymore. He's lost all control at this point, it has only gotten worse these past few years. But he can't help it. He deserves some sort of release, right? Something to help take the stress and pain away, something to bury his sorrows in.

And that's what no one seems to get, no one seem to understand that he isn't purposely destroying himself. That this is just coping, a way to feel better after long hours day after day. His life feeling like an endless circle. And for what? To just die in a few years?

A case a beer empties quickly. Followed by some vodka and whiskey.

• • •

Gerard wakes feeling a warm weight of what feels like his blanket put over his freezing body. Squeezing his eyes as he feels the migrane set in, he ultimately opens his eyes to to see a shirtless Bert stood beside him. His pant belt undone, looking tired as if he's only just woken up as well.

"Look who's finally woken." Bert says with a light chuckle as he buckles back up his belt while he digs around for his shirt that he lost by misplacing it with Gerard's last night. Glad to see he's awake and okay after earlier.

Sitting up, his migrane only intensifies. Gerard realizes he himself is no longer in his shirt, or his pants. Just his boxers. Unable to remember anything of what happened last night after drinking an extremely heavy amount of alcohol and apparently blacking out. Considering he can't remember anything after the vodka.

Beginning to panic, Gerard just stares at Bert. Lack of memory but putting the pieces together. "Please tell me we didn't- oh no no no."

"Wait, you think we fucked last night?" Bert chuckles as he looks at a panicking Gerard. Seeing as he clearly doesn't remember what happened when he came over last night. Finally finding his shirt on the stand across the room where he forgot he'd placed it.

"W-We didn't? But we're both undressed, you came here last night. I was wasted." Gerard says, his mind only going to the absolute worst.

"Baby you called me last night. You were slam drunk and upset. I hurried over to find you half dressed and passed out on your bedroom floor. I got you into bed and I slept on the couch." Bert laughs as he watches the relief wash over Gerard. Though quickly saddened by the reality.

"Did you really think that I would take advantage of you like that? You know me better Gerard, I'd never do that to you or anyone for that matter." Bert says. A little hurt that he'd ever even think that Bert would ever take advantage of anyone, but especially of Gerard.

"No, I know you wouldn't. I just know that sometimes I'll make advances when I'm drunk. In which some people think it's justified." Gerard admits, earning a soft chuckle from Bert who takes a seat in bed next to him.

Bert slides his hand into Gerard's as he sits in bed with the pretty red head who means absolutely everything to him. "Has someone taken advantage of the fact that you were wasted before? You don't have to tell me or anything, I know it's private."

Gerard just looks at him. The sad look in his eyes telling Bert everything he needs to know. Bert sighs sadly and places a kiss on his head. "I'm sorry baby. About everything."

"It's okay, I'm okay. I'm really sorry for calling you last night. I shouldn't have." Gerard apologizes for calling Bert while completely wasted last night. Knowing it wasn't fair of him to bother Bert that late at night and while intoxicated. Especially since he knows how much his drinking worries Bert.

Bert knows that him saying that he's okay is absolute bullshit. It's obvious that he's going through a lot. Bert sees that the only way he's going to be able to help is to give him time and reassure him that he's there for him. He clearly has some trust issues, and clearly feels alone.

"You know I'm here for you, right? If you ever need to talk. Or even if you don't want to talk, if you just don't want to be alone and just want to be with someone. I'm always here Gee." Bert says, softly squeezing Gerard's hand.

Gerard smiles and softly kisses his cheek. "Thank you."

• • •

Gerard smiles as he watches from the kitchen. Bert and Mikey sitting on the couch with pizza, candy, popcorn and soda. They're having a movie tonight. Time to spend time with one another. Which Gerard's really excited for.

"Come on Gee! Cold- The food's getting cold!" Mikey calls from the couch as they wait for him to start the movie and begin eating dinner. Gerard laughs and walks over turning off the lights with the paper plates, sitting with back on the couch with them. In between Mikey and Bert.

They watch the scary movie in the dark while eating pizza and Mikey eating a lot of candy. Gerard can't help but to smile, having the night off to spend and enjoy time with the two people who mean the most to him.

Bert slides his hand into Gerard's under the blanket that they share. Bert leans into his ear. "I love you."