The Class Clown- Thorki Fanfic

Chapter 29

At noon, the cold sweats start and Laufey still sits across from me as I struggle to focus on anything.

Memories flash through my head as Laufey asks "You're going through withdrawal, aren't you?"

When I was a kid, I remember my fifth birthday, running through the house with Fandral. The day was hot, and we had a portable pool in the backyard. We were running from my mum, who was chasing us, playfully, with a towel. She was happy back then. Healthy.

Heat singes my lip, causing me to snap out of it. The familiar taste of blood skirts across my tounge from where Laufey socked me.

"You will not speak of my wife!" He insists and I realize I was speaking aloud. He takes a breath, before insisting "Your mother killed herself, because of you. You ran your mouth."

I give an emotionless nod, before speaking softly "I know."

He furrows his brow and states "It should have been you, not her."

I think for a second, before shrugging "That's kinda what this is. Giving up." he hums and I cross my arms.

Memories flood through my head as I think of how my mum died. Foam was pouring out of her mouth and she was seizing.

I remember his hands rubbing me as my parents wouldn't notice. Or the day that I wet the bed when Laufey was at work and he volunteered to bathe me as my mum changed the bedding.

Or my father's hands beating me... or the bruises that I had on my hips, when he raped me. The feeling of him inside of me. Looking back at it, all I can remember is the sounds of him and the table. I can still feel him.

Hot tears stream down my face as I snap out of it. I look to Laufey and state "I don't want to live, anymore." he scoffs and my lip quivers "I'm broken."

He nods, before stand up and walking over to the kitchen. He returns with a notepad and pen. After he places it in front of me, he orders "Write your letters."

Silently, I write out my letters as tears stream down my face. When I'm done, Laufey takes them and reads them aloud.

"Dear Thor, You were the best friend, and greatest man, I've ever met. Throughout all my hardships, you stuck around and gave me the best months of my life. For that, I could never begin to explain what pain my life is. With my father, and my mum, and that Catholic Prick, I've dreamed about ending it for the past twelve years of my life. It's been the first and last thought in my head, everyday. But when I was with you, I felt like maybe I had a shot at happiness. However, I fucked up our relationship by running away to shoot H, and I don't expect you to ever forgive me. I will always love you, even if there is no afterlife, Loki."

"Dear Frigga, Firstly, I'd like to apologize. I'd like to apologize for the days where you kneeled next to my bed, coaxing me out with coffee. For all the times you've caught me smoking, and chewed my ear off for it. For all the times you did my laundry, or picked up my mess, or held me as I broke down in a fit of tears and screaming. Mostly, I apologize for not adapting to you, as if you were my own mum. When I first met you, it made me realize that other families aren't as fucked up as mine. That I was not alone. That I had an exceptional life ahead of me. But I'm sorry. I can't do it anymore. I feel like I'm climbing a mountain. And every time I think I've reached the top, I realize, it's just a false peak. Over and over again. At times, I slip and slide my way down the mountain, only the be buried in snow. I'm buried now, and I'm just too cold to continue climbing. I'm sorry, Loki."

"Dear Odin, Thank you. The first time we met, you gave me a home. Gave me a place where I wouldn't get waken up with boiling water, or a broken rib. It's astounding to me, how someone can be that kind. It didn't take long for me to test your authority, and you knew exactly why I was doing it. After the confrontation about therapy, you were nothing but nice. It was a shock for me. Usually, if voices were raised, I was going to show up to school with a black eye. Since I moved in, there only harm on me, has been from myself. I don't want to be the fucking mouse, anymore. I really do think you're a good father, Loki."

"Dear Everyone, If you're reading this, I'm dead. To keep it short and to the point, I love you all. I never knew I could love so many people, or that so many people could love me. Growing up, I was a happy kid. Potty trained by a year old. Reading War & Peace by three. When I turned five, I was befriended by a priest, who would molest me, and do some awful things that I'll take with me to the grave. When I turned twelve, my mum overdosed on the couch as I was eating a sandwich at the kitchen table. I watched the life drain from her eyes and I insists I would never do drugs. Then, Laufey assaulted me. This wasn't new, he smacked me around, constantly. But, as you know, it was more than physical. I was raised knowing this is how my life would end. Either with a needle in my arm, or with a blade to my wrist, or some other kind of cliche way to off myself. Regardless, I knew that I would die a minor. I'm sorry I came into your life a raging pile of self-loathing and daddy issues. You were the only people who ever cared about me. I'm forever grateful, Loki."

He nods for a second, before setting them down and asking "When are you going to do it?"

"Tonight." I state and he gives a pleased look "Odin... he's going to come over with a wave of parents rights form." I look him in the eyes and declare "If you don't want to be canned for child endangerment and domestic abuse, you need to sign."

"Child endangerment?" he asks, a perplexed look on his face.

I furrow my brow and remind "I was molested under your roof. I was left alone with my junky mum. I've shown up to shown up to school with bruises. I've turned to drugs, and you didn't stop it. A jury would indite you for less."

He gives a short nod, before stating "Then I'll sign the papers."