Lost Time (Romanogers One-shots)

Not to anyone

Steve,

I can't do this. Not to me. Not to you. Not to anyone. I've been selfish for too long and I know that you wouldn't let me go easy. So to make it easy, I wrote a letter. It's bitchy of me to not tell you this in person but I can't carry on. If I told you to your face I wouldn't leave you. I wouldn't be able to.

Life was empty before I met you. Your smile was my favourite sight every morning when I woke up in your arms. But I can't keep you. We were never meant to be- I am a murderer- and you are America's Golden Boy. You are the opposite of everything I have ever been, you are perfect in every way possible. I am broken and I can't be fixed, not even you can fix someone so damaged.

Life ruined everything for me. And I can't ruin you because I love you too much to do that. I know that it's going to be hard for you, to accept this. But it's hard for me too, I don't want to throw this away. Throw us away. You are everything I ever wanted but I can't have you. Because if I let myself take you then I can't go and that's not good for either of us. I would ruin everything you hold dear and I wouldn't mean to. I would become an emotionally unstable wreck and when I become that, I kill people. Innocent people.

When I first met you I couldn't believe you actually existed. You were my childhood crush and I was able to meet you. I was able to date you. I couldn't believe my luck when you asked me on a date, when we first kissed.

Here I am talking about myself and I know you'll be hurting. But I don't want to hurt you, that's why I'm doing this. If I stayed any longer then I would fuck up. I'd lose you and then I'd lose myself. You don't deserve to be hurt, you deserve so much better than me. I'm no one. You are everything. There are things that happen in the world for a reason and me loving you was one. It was to teach me that I can love, but I don't want to. Not now. I'd ruin you.

I love you. I always will. Your eyes are like the sea that we first kissed on. Your hair like the top I first stole off you. And your body is that like a God (not Thor though, because you are so much better than him) and I was greedy to have you. To hold you. To love you. Your love will always be the thing I hold most dear. The thing that I will always hold closest to my heart. I love you.

Love,
Natasha x

(Ps, I'm sorry for the hurt I've caused you. I am trying to take away the suffering not make it. I am sorry.)

Steve wiped the tears that were streaming down his face but they kept coming. He couldn't shut out the hurt, she'd done it for both of them but it still hurt like hell. It always would. But there was no going back, he would never hold her again. He would never feel that move again. And it broke him. It broke him.

Okay, so I hope you liked this one. I'm more than willing to do another part but only if y'all request it. Love you all 3000 x