My life with Aspergers

Chapter 26- Something to learn

Alright for 6 years I have always ate alone at lunches. It started with Junior high school. Everyday when I would go to school during lunch I would normally get pizza for lunch. You see in junior high school there were some tables that you could sit and eat lunch and there were tables that had no chairs where you had to stand.... And that's what I usually did everyday during lunch. Knowing me I am really stubborn by asking  people,

"Hey can I eat with you guys?" Because I am always afraid of what they might say so here I am 6 years later and still not used to eating in front of people. Now occasionally in junior high school, I would probably eat something different than pizza if I liked what they were serving. Now let me tell you, when you are so used to eating alone for 6  years like I have, (Junior high through high school) I can promise you, you will feel awkward and uncomfortable eating with other people. I mean because you spend 6 years eating by yourself... I guess that's part of Aspergers is because I am not very good a socializing and asking questions. I admit, sometimes I will be stubborn about some things and I guess it runs in my family. Let me ask you a question, are you good at talking to guys/girls? (Depending on gender) As for me I am not either. I mean it's part of Aspergers that its hard for me to actually talk to a girl.

I can actually say "Hi" and everything but its hard for me to actually start a conversation to keep it going. I don't want to say anything stupid or weird that might scare girl off and never talk to me. How can I know if I say anything stupid or weird if I can't fix that mistake so I know not to say that to another girl? Trust me I have had  that experiance before in high school... And honestly it was not pretty having a girl hating you and every time you try and talk to her she will not listen or she will run away when I try to fix things, and blocking me on FB. Every day I keep wondering How can I make sure I don't do the same thing if she will not talk to me?

I know sometimes I can get off topic but there is a lot of things going through my head. So I guess my advice is, if you are still in junior high or even high school and you have not asked anybody to eat lunch with them, I suggest you start because you don't want to end up like me for 6 years who is not used to eating in front of people because I can guareentee that you will feel awkward eating with people, take it from me.

I remember just on Sunday I was having a meal with some people (not relatives or family) The food was great and everything because there was potatoes in a hot tin foil there were some treats too.. I could have had seconds but I couldn't, know why? Because I am not used to eating in front of people because I have spent 6 years eating alone when it comes to lunch. I might be weird for liking just sour cream on potatoes. In my mind, I was thinking I feel really uncomfortable eating with people. I mean I don't have any one to talk too... Now realize part of having Aspergers is really difficult to strike up a conversations things like "Hi, how you doing?" Etc... And things like that.

The truth is I am not really sure when I would get used to eating in front of people. I mean when I was at this christmas dance with this girl, we had pizza for dinner before the dance and what happened? I only ate one piece of pizza and half of a second one. Now if you saw me eating pizza in person, I would eat more than just 1 or 2 pieces of pizza... It was because I was not used to eating in front of a girl true to be honest. Anytime I get nervous, I would talk a lot or shaking my leg or I would start twitching.. I would just do random things when I am nervous of anything. So I guess what I am trying to say is, don't be like that way I am by not getting used to eating in front of people for 6 years trust me I have lived through it and I wish I could go back in time and fix things. But you readers, can fix it while you are still in junior high/High school.

The next time you have lunch, find one of your friends and ask them if you could eat with them. If you dont have any friends than just find some people that you know and still ask. Ask any one during lunch wheather you know them or not, get to know them. I wish I could still be in High school and make things right.