My life with Aspergers

Chapter 14- The Westover Ranch

It has been a few months now and we entered the month of July. Now, every July I always go the Westover Ranch. On July 4th there was this small fair that you can go too and buy things. I wanted to have my chance to perform in front of people, but my aunt had second thoughts for a good reason. Well, 3 weeks had gone by and it was the end of the month of July and it was time for the Westover ranch. I can't say I was excited and not excited at the same time. The reason is because there is this girl and we'll name her.... Trilby (real name protected) A while back a few months after Christmas, I had gotten an Itouch for one of my presents. And we started talking for awhiile but then she said something kind of hurt.

When we talked, this was before she turned 16 so I knew she loved me in the same way but I guess she said it differently and not in the right way. You see what I normally do is anytime I am using the Itouch I either step away to get something to eat or drink when talking to someone on Gmail on my Itouch because I had internet (Can't go anywhere unless I have internet) So anyway when I had got back, I had received a really long message from Trilby. I do not remember every single detail about what she said but I do remember she was saying something like,

"Alex, I do not feel the same way about you. I was just pretending so that you wouldn't actually kill yourself" Now, before you get all jumpy I was like that before because part of having Asperger's is I can sometimes feel sucidal.. But I have gotten really better now than before. Anyway I was heartbroken and I felt like I wanted to kill myself (Not that I would actually do it but I felt that way sometimes) So later that same night I was feeling depressed and I was listening to the song "Untitled" by Simple Plan... Everytime I hear it, it kinda speaks to me.. I think I told you before the songs that I listen too right? Well, if I did you'll know.

I did not cope for a long time ever since she said that. But let me back up a bit... She wanted me to call her so I did because I can call people from my Itouch so it sounded like she was crying. At first I did believe it, because I really thought it was real. It was a long conversation but that's what happened.

So anyway goinb back to the present, when the Westover Ranch came I wasn't excited because I knew I would see Trilby this year like I see her every July. And to me it was the worst  year because I admit I once said I didn't want anything to do with Trilby before July (months before) I usually went to the big tree where I always practiced martial arts, or I sing, or whatever I wanna do to be left alone. Well she saw me over there and she brought her sister along because she would know how I was feeling at that time.

Once I saw the sight of her I just kept moving aways farther away from her like Kaley always did to me in high school... As days went by I did not hang out with her at all, but I guess I was envious because she was always hanging out with someone even when we did get to the part where we talked things out and made things better... I always felt alone everytime she was with him. Its not the way you think it is readers; You see, she would hang out with him all day and all night until he had to go to bed (One she was with) and this happened for a week.

Months later after the ranch she invited me to go to her reunion at beaver dick park.. I was doing a lot better than I was before because at the Westover Ranch, I kept listening to the song "Outside looking in" by Jordan Pruitt over and over and over again until my Mp3 player died. But when I went to her family reunion in Beaver Dick park, I was doing a lot better... I was happier. That was until that very same guy came back just like at the ranch. That was when I was not in a very good mood. I don't know what is with him... It seems like he always wants to be with her. I mean they made this joke at the ranch for them being "married" because they were always together 24/7... But they really weren't married. She told me it wasn't like that anymore... But all I want is to be alone with her hanging out, just me and her you know? They did have a river you could swim in.. I wanted too but that same day I was running barefoot and I hit a HUGE rock. My toe was bleeding all over so I tried covering it to stop the bleeding.

Once they found me, I was being taken care of. I was holding Trilby's hand really hard so I wouldn't scream so much because I was feeling pain. Here is a lesson to learn: Never run barefoot depending on where you are because you might end up the same way as me. That same night she has always helped me until I got a stake (Not the food type, the metal kind) Using it as a walking stick... It was kind of fun actually leaping far. But while I was using the stake as a walking stick with my injured toe I couldn't go swimming. But the good thing was, later that same night he had to go home (Earlier he rode his bike here and I had wondered how he found us).. I first thought I was spending the night when my aunt called me up and asked if I wanted to come home yet.

Ok now I hate to admit this but I have what you call Radar Syndrom (Those of you who watched M*A*S*H will know what I am talking about) I sleep with a teddy bear every night.. (Dont think about making fun of me) and I always slept with the two teddy bears that Tamara once gave me. I always slept with them because it reminded me of her. I don't sleep with them now because I know herand I want to go our separate ways--- Well, she does. I don't. Anyway I brought them for me to sleep with. When I was talking to Sherrie on the phone I told her I would call her back if we had a plan made because I did not have any blankets or a tent for me to sleep in... I wouldn't mind sleeping outside in the stars.

But as it turns out, there was a tent available.. So I stayed with them the whole night. The next morning it was the day they were leaving (They stay for  three days, but I came on day 2 so I stayed a day) We had breakfast that following morning.. After that they packed up and left. Well before leaving they asked who was taking me home.. I didn't have anyone taking me home so they took me home instead.