My life with Aspergers

Chapter 8- Were my friends real?

I have to admit, I was envious of my younger brother, Kyle. Even now I am still envious of him. Why? Because he is a lot better at socializing than I was. I may have Aspergers but it was hard to be social with people. I used to think that I had friends, than I thought I didn't. It kept going back and fourth. I also had thought Do they care about me? Or are they just getting sympathy? And it was hard because I could not even tell if I really do have friends that care about me or just wanting sympathy.

As I have mentioned before, I did not talk to anyone at all in Junior High School, and High School. Well I eventually talked to people but the cool thing was, every one either wanted me to sing in class or show them a round house kick (a martial arts move) Anyway I always felt lonely because at mutual people would always talk to Kyle, people would always hang out with Kyle, people would even call on the phone and every time I answer they say

"Hey, is Kyle there?" And every time its a call for Kyle, they wanna hang out with him. I mean honestly, how many people would talk to me at mutual? How many people would hang out with me? How many peopel would even call on the phone and say

"Hey, is Alex there?" And they would wanna hang out with me? The answer: 0.. Zip.. Zilch.. No one. I always hated it because Kyle's friends would go to Ice skating and they would invite Kyle and not me. I tried to be social as I could be but I guess I could tell people didn't want to hang with me because I either said something stupid or weird... And I say that because I can truely never tell if I do or not. They are just not strong enough to say it to my face. Oh sure, I would have been hurt inside but at least I wouldn't show it. So even as of right now I ask myself sometimes Where they really my friends? Or were they just someone that thought I was invisable? And many times I always felt like that! I did not have any friends. I knew it because no one from mutual ever talked to me or called me up to see how I was doing. The truth is, I am glade I left Utah in a way. You'll find out why in the next chapter. But I can tell you this much, I had nothing left in Utah. I lost Angel, Ambika hates me, Kaley hates me.

I had to leave Utah because my parents couldn't take me threatning to run away and things like that. I wasn't trying too its just that it was hard with Aspergers and I am not using it as a excuse. I have to admit, I have to thank Jaya because she has always been there for me, she is always that person that you can talk too. I know in my heart I can always trust Jaya. And the same thing goes for Kaileen.. I know I can always trust Kaileen becase she is always there when you need her to talk about anything... Sure, we did mutal things like going to someone's house and watching a movie and having pizza and that kind of thing, but I was only there because I was still in mutual. I should have stopped going as soon as I realized they were fake.

They rarely ever talk to me, and if they do its in their fake nice smile. You know people say "Just smile and be nice"? Well, they did that but it wasn't truely real. And from then on, I did not believe their bullshack lies. I sometimes think all the time that I wasm neant to be left alone. Even now.. I know truely that the people I knew were all fakes. The only people that were true and loyal is Kaile, Kaileen, and Jaya, and Carter (another friend that's a girl)