My life with Aspergers

Chapter 31- Is it just me or is Asperger's part of it?

Now in the last chapter I mentioned about the girl last year that I gave her Christmas gift from me, and I have also mentioned why I didn't want my parents to know about her... I wasn't trying to hide her on purpose---Ok well I was but for a good reason. You see if they found out I knew that it would happen just like now. She is still alive but she doesn't love me anymore romantically as I love her that way. I sometimes think it's my fault with Asperger's of the situation I am in right now. Her birthday is in May and I have to wait until she is 18 (she's 17 now) until I can have contact with her. But it's hard because I loved her ---I still do but I can't make her love me as I loved her. Last chapter I mentioned that last Christmas I gave her my first christmas gift. Now a year later her and I are going our separate ways and its hurting. If you have ever been in love and you loose that person you love somehow, you know how it feels don't you?

Now that the season is coming closer again, it's going to be different now because I can not go to her house before she is 18 or I might find myself in jail... And I am avoiding going to jail. I never been in jail in my life and I don't plan on it now. I don't know what else to say... It's hard to say. I mean the thing is, everytime I saw her I was happier. Before I met her my life was in darkness and she was the candle to light my life so bright I can finally see where I am going. But since our separate ways, my life is in darkness again it feels like. There is something missing in my life (See next chapter) I just want that missing piece of me to fit the puzzle. I feel like I don't want to come back to Utah because I have nothing left in Utah. If the world was like star wars, I think I would be on the darkside until someone from the light side has turned me good.. I don't know it just feels like that. I mean anytime I have a jacket with a hoodie, I always have the hood up like the Sith does. I can't go to the Walmart by Lone Peak because the last time I went there, I was with her when I did live in Utah.  Maybe if I convince my aunt and Uncle, they won't make me go to Utah because I can simply tell them it wouldn't be a good idea for me to go there. I think I'll let you go to the next chapter :)