blue (book one) - h.s. ✔️ watty's 2019

chapter 75

My hand lightly dances over the aquamarine birthstone necklace; his name etched in the back. Harry is the love of my life. I can't see my life without him in it anymore. Every birthday, every anniversary, every holiday, he's there. With his piercing green eyes and towering height he's there.

"What's that right there?" he asks pointing up towards a collection of matter.

His naked body is incredibly warm in this icy room. It's absolutely stunning how our bodies unerringly mold together, like two puzzle pieces. His warmth feels amazing against my skin. Nearly all of the candles surrounding us are dead, making more clear small intracacies in the large display. Actually, if it wasn't for the greatness of the display, it would be nearly impossible to see Harry through all of the darkness; despite him being right under me. Harry's body has undergone a slight transformation since Iceland. He's much more toned and muscular. I didn't believe him when he said he was going to start hitting the gym, but this is enough proof to satisfy me. Adonis could never.

"I don't really know the scientific name for it, but it's known as being one of the three spiral arms in the Milky Way. It's what gives our galaxy its spiral-like shape."

"You're such a nerd."

Lightly smacking his chest, I earn a deep, throaty chuckle from him. His body vibrates underneath me as he laughs making me smile in the heavy darkness. I feel his lips lightly touch the top of my head before he lifts me from his body suddenly.

"I have to piss," he breathes nonchalantly.

"Harold."

I don't know why he feels that he has to announce every time he goes to the restroom in such a blunt matter. Laughing loudly, his naked body descends further into the darkness on the opposite end of the dome.

I instantly am colder as soon as he leaves. Pulling the small, yellow blanket on both sides of me I wrap myself in the thick fabric. I just can't get over this. Harry is not the most romantic on the surface, but this! This is him trying to be a better person. Technically, I am the first person he's actually been in a relationship with. It feels good to be the first for some part of his life. He's been so many firsts in mine.

My thoughts about him have been so intimidating lately. When I say that I can't see my future without him, I literally cannot. I've tried! And each time the vision comes up lifeless and bleak or just plain nothing. It's ironic that he's planned this entire proposal for me. The feat of marriage has been plaguing every manifestable thought in my head. It's complete madness! I'm still a college student - undergrad at that. No, actually, I am still a teenager! Harry's an adult. However, our age difference is only marked by a few years.

But this isn't the problem, really. In what, seven, eight months? Our lives will be so drastically different. He will have just completed his sixth semester in college; only two semesters away from graduation. I'm not even sure what he wants to do after college. Though I've helped him to apply for a plethora of scholarships and internships, they've all been without direction: financial analyst, chemical engineering, software developer, investment banker. He's brilliant! He quite literally has the talent to do anything. He's constantly jestering at me and complimenting me on my intelligence, but I am nothing compared to him. His mind works explicitly different from mine. I saw this first at the carnival all those months ago when he tapped into the system's intelligence and hijacked it in record speed. His work tonight with the dome only adds to his list of incredible feats.

In less than two years, Harry will enter the real world with or without me. Of course, I'd never want to hold him back from any of his endeavors. He has so much potential to do good for this world. It'd be selfish of me to hold onto him for myself. I constantly wonder if he'll ever get bored of me. To be fair, I am unlike any of the girls in his past. . . um, relationships? They're all either incredible, sorority blondes, like the one I saw on his phone after the carnival, or are somehow a glimpse of a part of some darker side of him: Amy. And then there's me. A very plain-looking guy with abnormal body proportions and small measurements all around. Not to mention, I am the first guy he's ever been with sexually. This could very much so be a phase or him testing the waters. Up until a month ago, he was incredibly self-conscious of his sexual orientation. Life doesn't change that fast.

There are so many life-changing milestones that are approaching us undeniably quickly - well, mostly him. Graduation, his twenty second birthday, career choice. And my plate is incredibly full as well! I have several internship offers to choose from, medical opportunites to shadow various surgeons, my twentieth birthday. It just all feels like it's happening so quick. We are finally get into the groove of things with our relationship. Yes, there are still quite a number of things I'm still unaware of regarding his past, but he's trying. He's opening up. I just don't want anything to change. When I think of living a life in which the two of us are married, a sense of joy and anxiety takes over me. I often imagine Harry and I in a home.

Our home.

Sleeping, eating, living together. We'd adopt children. A boy and a girl. They'd be loved unconditonally. The image of Harry teaching our little boy to play baseball breaches my mind constantly. I'm not even sure if Harry wants children or to even get married. Not once has he ever talked about the subject. In the past, when I'd try to casually touch on the subject he'd shut it down quickly by making a joke out of the whole situation or something.

Tonight is such a huge step for him. For us. His promise, or rather his proposal, to protect me and take care of me speaks volume to our progress. I don't like questioning Harry, despite anything he might say to the statement. If anything, I just want to understand why he is the way he is a little bit more. Part of understanding him lies in his past: his relationships. Jax seems to be the only one willing to tell me anything in regards to the tall boy - with the exception of Halle, of course. Everyone else just brushes off the subject of him or provides vague responses.

Once again, everything is unclear to me.