blue (book one) - h.s. ✔️ watty's 2019

chapter 101

"I need you to hold him for me a quick second."

"Why?" Harry complains with his hands crossed over his chest, standing in the door.

"You promised you'd help."

Reluctantly, he accepts Nolan into his arms holding him away from.

"Harry, he's not going to hurt you. Hold him against your body."

Nothing.

Tired of his careless attitude, I begin to undress. This childish game is beginning to grow very old. I don't even have my shirt over my head before I hear the start of his series of complaints.

"What are you doing?"

I ignore him. How is it fair that he expects me to talk to him when he's ready to talk, but when I'm ready it's perfectly fine that he doesn't respond? His logic doesn't make sense. Continuing to remove my clothes, I kick off my shoes and socks. He obviously doesn't notice anything wrong with his uncaring attitude.

"Hello?"

"What, Harry?"

"What are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm getting naked. Is that hard for you to see?"

"No," he starts, looking at me intently.

"That's very clear to me."

I blush lightly when he licks his lips, but continue regardless. Nolan looks incredibly tiny in his large hands. The boy is unmoving as he stares at his rude uncle. At least he's holding him better now, his head supported by his large, calloused hand. I sit on the ledge of the bathtub, running my hand through the soapy water to test it: perfect.

"Why?"

"I have to bathe him, Harold. He's too small to be in here alone. I'm sure your mother or father did the same when you were a baby. It's actually a prime time for some great bonding to happen between a child and his parent."

It surprises me how little he knows about babies. Just yesterday Nolan and I were babbling incoherently until Harry walked into the room actually waiting for the seven week old baby to speak words. When I told him that babbling is actually very advance for his age, he laughed at me walking out of the room.

"Wait,"

"So, you're telling me that not only does he get to spend most of his time being swaddled by you, but he also gets to shower naked with you?"

I roll my eyes at his idiocy. There's no way he's jealous of a baby. And at the same time, I wouldn't be surprised. Harry lets every little thing get the best of him.

"Yes, Harold."

"Are you trying to steal my boyfriend, too?" he jokes at the smiling, oblivious baby.

Instantly, my head hurts as the familiar line channels a hazy memory. The day when Jax stepped in front of me to protect me from a harmless Harry. Rubbing my temples, I earn an odd look from the long-haired man. This has weirdly been happening a lot lately. Certain little phrases or objects make what once was a blurry memory much clearer. I guess it's just a part of the healing process. I have a doctor's appointment next week.

"Everything okay?"

"Yea, just a small migraine. Here. Bring him to me," I announce, discarding the last of my clothing and stepping into the warm water. There's no need for me to open up old wounds. I do miss my friends. It feels like forever since I've seen everyone. It feels like forever since I've been in my own home. He complies quickly, sitting on the edge of the closed toilet to help remove Nolan's clothes. As soon as his small feet touch the water, he lets out a loud cry. It hurts me every time, but his pediatrician recommended that we continue to try and clean him this way. He'll have to get used to it.

"What's wrong with him?" the British man exclaims, covering both of his ears with his large hands.

"He doesn't like baths."

I continue to try to soothe the baby's cries to no avail. He just does not enjoy the tub. I let out a loud sigh, starting to get out from the tub before Harry stops me. Lifting his shirt over his head, followed by his sweats and briefs he climbs into the tub, sitting across from me.

"Hey," he starts, taking the green-eyed baby from my hands. I look over at him confused, but he ignores me eyes focused on the baby in front of him.

"Now, now. Enough of all that," he begins above Nolan's cries, quieting the boy. I just stare quietly careful of his every move.

"Why are you crying?"

"Are you afraid of the water?"

Without waiting for an impossible response, he continues shifting his tone of voice to a more understanding one. Nolan is completely quiet as he stares at Harry, probably confused.

"I have fears too ya know. You see that blue-eyed freak over there. The one with the annoying voice," he jokes turning Nolan to face me before turning him back around. I hear the tiny baby giggle lightly when Harry blows on his belly before he continues.

"You think the same, don't you? Yea. We can talk about it later," he continues, making me laugh quietly.

"Anyways, like I said, I have fears too. I'm afraid of him leaving me alone. I'm afraid that one day he'll finally open his eyes to see the monster that I am. And like everyone else, run away from me,"

Though he's not looking my way, using Nolan as a divider, I can tell that his words are meant for me. I continue to listen clearly, eager to hear what he has to say.

"But I'm starting to learn that even if all hell breaks lose and he finally grows the wiser, that no matter what, I'll always have a piece of him. Because that's what he does. He'll come into your life and rearrange everything about you. Messing with your organs and all kinds of shi-
important stuff. He'll make you feel like you aren't a broken piece of nothing, and show you what you fail to see. This is how you know he's wiggled a part of himself into you. The moment when you realize the change he's implemented for the better. And like everyone else in his life, you'll find that the water really isn't that scary," he finishes with Nolan's lower half submerged in the warm bath - completely silent.