blue (book one) - h.s. ✔️ watty's 2019

chapter 109

The month of October flies by unpredictably fast.

Nolan has grown tremendously in a month's time. He has become incredibly pudgy all around; he is also quite the vocalist nowadays. At every chance he gets he is making conversation with anything and anybody. I think that it goes without saying that I have very little time for myself. And I think that it's also safe to say that that is something that is not going to change any time soon. In light of this actuality, I have taken it upon myself to respark my social life: online! Towards the end of last month I came to Harry with the idea of starting my own personal vlog focused on Nolan's routine and my everyday life; a compilation of some of the things I like to do in a day and some pointers for soon to be parent's. For what seems like a first he was immediately on board with the propositon and even used his own money to buy me recording equipment. He's the best. My Youtube success has been anything but slow. With only a few uploads I have accumulated a little over one hundred subscribers with my most popular video, twenty-four hours with a two month old, which has garnered a little over three thousand views! This new "hobby" of mine has managed to fill the hole that had been carved inside of me from not seeing my friends for so long. As a matter of fact, through my subscribers I have made two other fresh new friends - a single mom and a soon to be wife. They are both too kind. I've invited them over multiple times now and Nolan has had the pleasure of making three new friends. I've featured them all in a couple of my Youtube videos.

Harold has been more than stressed lately. I've been loosely informed that his college experience will be rushed. He has already been looking at job offers that suit his major, and has found a few that he'd "be stupid" to turn down. As always, I reminded him that I'd support him in whatever choice he decides to make. However, I can tell that he is still bothered by something relating to the choice. Despite his future success, things are not looking too good at the old warehouse. Nothing too drastic hasn't happened; things haven't gone to hell or anything like that, but they haven't gotten better either. All of the guys have had to pick up several hours. Employees have been dropping left and right. I can tell that it's starting to take a toll on Harold. He hates that Nolan is fast asleep and I'm damn near it when he comes back from work. I've made a conscious effort to try and extend my hours of daytime, but handling a baby, college, and new video life is not the easiest.

On top of the stess of pulling more hours, he, well, we have had to make several appearances regarding his future. They have not been the highlight of my life to be honest. Just a bunch of big, older men talking numbers and drinking alcohol at a Met Gala-like event. But it makes him happy and more comfortable when I attend, so I pull through. More often than not he gets wrapped up in the world of analytical data, swapping tips and tricks with other gentlemen. Nolan makes great company then. Luckily, there won't be too many more after November ends. He'll have to make a decision by the end of the year.

As if they hadn't already guessed it, I finally mustered up the courage to reveal my more official relationship with Harry to my parents. No, they still do not know about baby Nolan, but they are aware that we are in a serious relationship. This surprised my father more than it did my mother. However, I don't think he was surprised about the fact that we are together. I just think he was taken back by how serious I am for the tall man. I also know that he doesn't approve of him. I can't say I'm surprised. Even I had my doubts about Harold at the beginning. But people change. Things change. Like a rose, he has grown on me, wrapping me and embedding me within every cell of his entirety. I know that my father thinks that this is wrong. My, my infatuation for him. It wasn't easy announcing the news to my parents. It felt even worse that we had to do it via a video call. I don't think I've ever seen my dad cry. Up until now, I didn't know he was capable of crying. Not in a monstrous type of apathy. He just doesn't see what I see about Harold. He doesn't see the way he looks at me when he thinks I'm not paying attention. Or the small, seemingly insignficant moments that mean the world to me. I don't like arguing or disobeying my parents, but this is something I will fight for until the day I die. I know that if I just had one chance, I'd be able to change my father's mind about him. I will change his mind.

A little over a week ago, without Harry knowing, I visited the home my parent's purchased for me. Sadly, neither one of the residents were there. The door was locked and the parking lot vacant. After the car accident, my phone wasn't the only thing destroyed. The key to my own home was completely demolished. I haven't bothered to order a new one. It'd probably show up on my parent's account anyways making them involved. The last thing I need is for them to find out that I'm not living in the expensive home they purchased for my well-being - among other things. On the bright side, I've been in constant contact with Kate. Well, not exactly constant, but more than I have been lately. We've only started messaging more recently. Conversation even through message feels forced and awkward. She avoids any conversation involving Harry; honestly it feels like she's trying to distance herself from me. In the back of my mind I've always known that being away for so long would put a strain on my old relationships. In a weird way, I made myself believe that everything could easily return back to normal. Life's not that easy. Through message our conversation feels very much one sided. Through constant inquiry I've discovered that her and Alex are going through a rough patch. I figure this is why he hasn't tried to contact me or even her as it seems. From what she's been telling me she hasn't spoken to him in a little over a month. I wonder what happened between them. They were doing so good. I do miss Alex a lot, but honestly, I don't have the time to standby and wait for him to reach out to me - he should know that I'm with Harold. I've tried messaging and calling him multiple times receiving his voicemail each time. His complexity is beyond me. I'm done trying.

Jax has been over a few times to Harry's displeasure. That man honestly just has a problem with everyone. Maintaining his alluring charm, each visit has drawn me more and more to him. He's such an incredible human being. I can go on and on about the many accomplishments he's managed in the course of his years in university. I admire his work.