blue (book one) - h.s. ✔️ watty's 2019

chapter 81

As soon as Harry has me in my room, slamming the door, I prepare myself for the worst of his words. Though his grip is sure to leave a bruise, I know that he'd never intentionally hurt me. He promised. However, throwing me completely off guard, his lips meet mine in a hard kiss.

The kiss is anything but pleasurable. Everything about him is indescribably rough right now. Forcing his tongue into my mouth, he grips my bottom with his hands harshly, forcing me to cry into his mouth. He slams me against the wall of my Nirvana poster as his hands roughly grip my body. His actions are needy; it seems as if he's almost trying to prove something. Not letting up, he slams me into the wall with his hips, and I can feel him growing against me quickly. I moan as he repeats the action, this time harder, and lifts me up with his strong hands. Instinctively, my legs wrap around his small waist before I realize what just happened.

Once I finally muster the strength to push him back, I do, dropping down to the ground.

"You're mine," he seethes lowly, coming back towards me and sucking harshly on my neck. His body is once again pressed up against mine, and it takes everything in me to force my thoughts to realign when he starts lightly biting my skin.

"Harry," I moan involuntarily. His calloused hands cause me to wince as soon as they dip inside the back of my jeans.

"Harry, stop," I force, pushing him back.

He looks hurt by this. I force back the need to consult him, as my mind finally regains the strength to process the last five minutes.

"Harry, you just can't do things like that," I start running my hands through my hair, as I walk around him. He slightly reaches out to me with his fingers, confused, when I walk by him, but I shy away from his touch too riled up by his assumption.

"I can't believe you'd think that I'd cheat on you! After all that we've been through, I thought that you'd have a little more faith in me."

His eyes grow steadily with realization before he walks over to where I am - now in my closet.

"You out of all people should know that I'd never do that to you. I just can't believe you'd assume such a thing," I continue, as I furiously swipe through my clothes for a coat. I'm completely embarrassed by his reaction to seeing me with Jax and his assumption! Oddly enough, I'm not blushing though I'm sure I'm red with anger.

"Parker," he begins, taking the bridge of his nose in between his forefinger and thumb. He's unbelievable! I continue to search for my black coat before I realize that it's probably in Kate's room. I let her borrow it two weeks ago.

Where is she?

"Parker, stop," he commands, taking my upper-arm in his rough hand again. I stop dead in my tracks at the force of his grip. In the same aggressive manner, he pulls me into his body, kissing me slightly softer yet still hard.

"Harry," I struggle against his lips. If he thinks that he can sex his way out of this one, he has another thing coming.

"Parker, would you just stop being so difficult. I'm sorry," he exasperates, throwing his hands into his hair dramatically. It amazes me how he believes he can fix his actions with sex and a weak attempt at an apology. I hate myself for not standing my ground against the giant - I'm too deep in. I'm not quite over the situation yet, but his attempt at an apology makes me slightly less-irritated with him. It's honestly his best attempts at trying to be a better boyfriend; he's just new to all of this.

"I'm sorry, Park. I shouldn't have thought that. Just seeing you walk in with him after I specifically told you not to hang out with them anymore. . . and then, the way he stepped in front of you, li-like I'd hurt you?" he seethes growing angry again. Despite the lack of sincerity in his apology and his dominating nature, I back down minutely aware of how it must've looked on his side when Jax stood to protect me. I know that Harry would never hurt me. Harry knows he'll never hurt me. But Jax was unsure. He was around when Harry and Amy were a thing; I'm sure he remembers all of it. I'm torn between the two.

"Harry," I breathe, tired of having this conversation.

"I forgive you for your assumption, but to make things clear: I'd never, ever cheat on you, okay? I love you far too much," I sigh slightly at the melancholy truth, as he pulls me into his strong arms. I place my hand on his chest between us, distancing myself slightly from his intoxicating scent before my mind is too cloudy to think clearly. His lips glide against mine needy before I take an inch back to speak to him.

"You have to understand that no matter what I am my own person. And part of being my own person, means that I can choose who I surround myself with. Jax and I are great friends now, Harry. We spent the entire day together after you ditched me this morning. You'll just have to get used to me being around him and the others. I know it'll be weird, but that's part of facing your past," I finish taking note of how harshly he flinched at my declaration of Jax and I's relationship. His eyes are unreadable as he stares down at me. The intensity of his gaze is so intense as he searches my eyes and quiets the thoughts in his head, it feels awkward to be this close to him. I almost wish there was a thin wall between us too make talking to him easier

"Okay," he breathes finally.

"I'll try to get used to this new. . . dynamic. But I swear if they fucking ru-," he begins angrily but breathes, calming himself.

"Just promise me you'll never let me go," he finally speaks, somberly. He looks eager for my response; his eyes pleading.

"You have to promise me that no matter what you'll never stop trying with me. I can't lose you."