blue (book one) - h.s. ✔️ watty's 2019

chapter 100 - baby Nolan

"Harry, could you just please help me to take him a bath? He's too small for me to do it alone again," I plea for what feels like the hundredth time.

"I said I'm busy, Parker," he snaps. I'm not bothered by his snappy mood anymore. I know for a fact that he's not busy. Instead, he's been internet surfing aimlessly to keep from taking care of the blameless child. This among other things. Yesterday, it was because his lower back hurt. And the day before because he was too mentally tired from everything that's happened. Bullshit. I can only sympathize with him so much. I know I said that I could, but I can't do this alone. It's not fair to me or to baby Nolan. Walking over to him, I slam down the top of his laptop. Before he can say anything about it, I grab him by the ear, twisting it, and pull him off of the couch.

"Ouch, Parker. What the fuck?" he exclaims, breaking from my grasp.

"No, Harold! I am tired of you avoiding this baby. He has done nothing wrong to you, and all that you've ever been is cruel to him. He does not deserve this. I do not deserve this!" I whine, working myself up. Throughout my small outburst, my voice rose in loudness with every word. I'm not sure if it's from shock or the intensity of my words, but I am violently shaking by the end. I need a break.

"Hey, hey, hey," he starts, latching on to both of my shoulders. His hands are rough against my skin. I'm so used to feeling soft baby skin that his touch is foreign to me.

"I'll help you, okay? I'm sorry that I haven't been doing much. Just calm down, baby. I don't want you to get upset over this."

Placing a light kiss on my head, he continues to rub my shoulders lightly. It feels nice to be in his arms again. It's been days since we've had any alone time together. I guess this is how it's going to be now, huh?

"Where is the little stink?"

"In his crib. I really wish you'd just give him a chance, Harry."

He doesn't respond as he follows me into his room where we've, well, I've set up his new crib and a variety of other baby necessities. Harry's one and a half bedroom flat surely no longer looks empty. The small room right next to his is not really a room per say. It's more of a storage area, I guess. Regardless, it now stands as an extra "closet" for mine and Nolan's things. I slept in the poorly insulated room the night Harry and Alex brawled on my front lawn. Harry was so hesitant and confusing back then; he still is the latter. The room that we now all share (Harry's room) has a rather large, white round crib with sheer fabric all over the exterior. Right beside his crib sits a light chair for me to sit in whilst I'm feeding and burping the boy. A small basket of harmless baby toys sits right beside the chair though they're not much for him at this age. I actually feel like a parent sometimes; it's a weird feeling, because in a weird way, I am?

Nolan's tiny frame immediately comes into sight as soon as we step into the modified bedroom. Honestly, the room doesn't even look like it belongs to Harry anymore. The few days since we've been "home" the small child has been surprisingly restless. Crying throughout the night and most of the day as well. According to the World Health Organization, the cries of a newborn should peak around six to eight weeks. Nolan is rounding his eight and instead of the cries dying down they've intensified - he has an appointment with his pediatrician this Friday for this exact reason. As usual, I've had to handle him without the help of his own uncle. This all is just very backwards. When I've reached out to Harold, asking that he soothe the small boy after a sudden outburst in the middle of the night, he cursed and covered his head with a pillow. I don't know what I'm going to do when school starts.

Thankfully, the online program has classes that fit within my major for the next two semesters. I'll have to miss out on science-based courses since they all require in-labs that I won't be able to attend with a newborn, but I'm not complaining. I've grown to be attached to the small boy. As for right now, I can't see a complete stranger coming in when I'm not around feeding, changing, and burping him when I have the ability to. It's strange because I've always believed that the strongest bond between a child and his parent (mom, in this case) forms when he's in the womb. Nolan has, once again, proven to be the exception. I do believe that our bond is stronger than any bond that can be formed, because it's unfamiliar. I'm not sure if that makes sense. It doesn't matter. The look this boy gives me when I go to pick him up is blissful - there's no way this wasn't meant to be.

Never in a million years could I ever have fathomed that I'd have a child so early in life. Wow. I have a child. It still doesn't feel real; like this is all some huge joke. If no one will care for the innocent baby, then I will. My future has always been so clear and structured for me. Now it's a little hazy and complexing, but I guess that's okay. It has to be okay; at least for now.

"Hi, you bubbly bubbly baby," I coo in what has become my new voice. The only time I'm not talking in the insanely high pitch is when I'm talking to Harry, and lately there hasn't been much of that. Therefore, I've accepted this octave jump to be my new 'normal'.

His weight in just the last few days has surpassed my expectations. Going from a little less than six pounds when I first met him (extremely light for a one month old baby let alone an almost two month one), he is now a heavy ten and a half pounds. His toothless smile is everything to me. Only recently has he started trying to giggle. He literally finds everything around him hilarious. My face, his toys, my singing, my singing. I've never really had the best voice. However, Harry's is exceptional. The boy lights up every time he hears his uncle singing around the apartment. Sometime he'll even lift his stubby arms as if he's reaching for the tall man. Harry just ignores him.

I blow into his chubby, clothed belly making him look at me with a mouth open awe.

"Could you grab the green onesie I picked out for him over on your dresser? And a pair of socks for his tiny feet?" I ask Harry whilst blowing on Nolan's tiny feet.